30/01/2019
Food for thought eh..?
I have been guilty of this, whether it has been staying in that relationship, job or situation too long. But the question for me is why do we stay in situations that do not offer us anything in return? Looking back at the non-growing situation, I was hoping that things would magically change. The man showed me who he was, but I refused to believe it. I had a notion stuck in my head and I was staying put waiting for him to match the man I had conjured up in my imagination. I’ve stayed too long in jobs where I knew nothing could grow, where I was unsatisfied but feeling that I was powerless to make a change. I hoped that by running around like a whirlwind that I someone would notice that I was stuck and bored. In both situations I gave, gave, gave and didn’t receive much in return and it was 100% my responsibility that I was in the situation and 100% mine to change.
But what prevented me from taking charge? Fear, mainly, lack of courage a bit. Fear of change, what if I made the wrong decision about leaving the job or relationship? How about if I redoubled my efforts to be more satisfied, after all the job was decent paying and the man was a step up from a Neanderthal? I imagined that friends and family would tell me that I was crazy for leaving my ‘good’ job and that I lucky to have a man who had a job and a decent set of teeth…
I could try once again to get them to change. The only thing I believed I could change was the delivery of my message. Maybe I wasn’t using the right words or emotions to covey how truly miserable they were making me. This was an absolute abdication of my power, putting the fix to my problem outside of me, where I have no control.
It took a few attempts at the impassioned plea to eventually make me realise that I had 2 choices when I finally saw that the ship was not for turning. I could put up and shut up, never to grumble again or I could be the catalyst for my change. I saw that all I could change was me and the change that was needed was for me to my energies into me. Loving myself enough to leave the relationship and the job. I spent time looking at my worth, knowing and believing that I was a good catch and valuing myself more than I valued the job or the man. Easier said than done? Absolutely, the first step for me was accepting that I was responsible for where I ended up. I couldn’t recall being sentenced by a Judge to spend ‘x’ years with the job or the man.. It wasn’t the easiest exercise because there were so many red flags in the relationship and job from day dot, that I had chosen to ignore. I felt like a fool, I was sad that chose to not put myself first, that I chose to believe that I was powerless to change and that the solution was beyond me. I left the job and the relationship, questioning constantly if I was doing the right thing. But I knew instinctively it was the right thing to do for me. I had to make the change, be the change, that was me taking responsibility, standing in my power.
I still get into situations where I still have to ask what do I have the power to change here? It could be my approach, my attitude, my mind etc. Whatever the change is, am I coming from a place of self-love, self-worth, am I giving more than I have, does the change feel good. I like to think that I am developing that muscle, so that it fires faster and bring me the self-loving realisations sooner.
If you would like to have a gentle chat about the change you wish to bring about in your life, then please click the link below to schedule some time
https://calendly.com/patricia-cherry-campbell
