Blue Gum Centre for Psychology and Psychotherapy

03/11/2025

A few of us finally got out of the consulting room and to the Melbourne ANZ ACBS conference to present on something close to our hearts. What to do when the usual approaches don't work? How Acceptance and Commitment Therapy can be used in creative and fluid ways to create a way forward. It was fun AND entirely nerve-racking like most important things are!

03/11/2025

Good advice - take that pressure off

I once wrote about insomnia, and the lesson still holds. The more you fight with your mind at night, the more awake you become. Your body already knows how to sleep. The trick is to let it.

If you’re struggling, maybe the answer isn’t to try harder, but to practice acceptance — to do nothing at all.

You can read the full piece here: https://stevenchayes.com/having-a-hard-time-sleeping-do-nothing/

18/10/2025

Great opportunity if this sounds like you.

18/10/2025

If you wait to feel ready, you’ll be waiting a long time. Courage means moving even when you doubt yourself. And here’s the trick: every small step you take builds trust in your own ability. Confidence grows out of doing, not the other way around.

16/10/2025

If nothing in your life really mattered, you wouldn’t feel fear at all. The reason fear comes alive is because something precious is at stake. That racing heart and knot in your stomach? That’s not a stop sign—it’s your compass pointing toward what’s important.

16/10/2025

If you make happiness the finish line, you’ll always feel behind. It becomes just another demand, another thing to fail at. But when you turn your energy toward living with meaning, happiness has a funny way of showing up on its own. Joy is a byproduct, not a prize.

16/10/2025

You can’t stop it — minds are judgment machines. But you can choose how to relate to it. When self-criticism shows up, pause and notice: “There’s my mind, doing what minds do.” You don’t have to fight it, and you don’t have to buy into it. Imagine carrying your thoughts on a tray instead of swallowing them whole. That space gives you freedom to act on what matters, not what your mind shouts.
⁠..

Do you have a question for me? Write it in the comments below and I might answer it next.

14/10/2025

To Parent Plus.
The parent who told me changed their house around so that their child could have a room to themselves to recover.

The family who moved from friends, family, job-all they knew so their child could have a chance to go somewhere to learn.

The parents who tell me they’ve had to shed loved ones to parent how they know they need to for their child right now.

Parents hiding out in bathrooms, shed, cars, to talk to others in hurried, whispered voices in the hope they may have something, anything to offer that is something they haven’t already tried or know won’t work. But they keep listening, researching, attending because that’s what we all do.

And so many mothers, (mainly mothers) who have given up careers and life to look after their children who are too unwell to be anywhere other than home.

Families who have had to think, consider every aspect of their lives while they modify, adapt and create new ways after old ways have shattered their child and family in ways that no one would truly understand or believe.

Whose roles become a multitude of forms unimaginable to others.

These are the families who never ever stop pulling it out the bag.
Who put on the bravest of faces, who hold it together, always (after all who has the time to fall apart?)

Understood only by others who have also had to carve very different paths.

We see you.x

12/10/2025

Mode Spotlight: Detached Self-Soother

In Schema Therapy, modes are the moment-to-moment emotional states and coping responses we experience. Today, we are focusing on the Detached Self-Soother mode.

This mode is as a flight response. It often shows up to cope with uncomfortable feelings by disconnecting or numbing through self-soothing or stimulating behaviours. In this mode, we may retreat into work, screens, distractions, fantasies, or substances to avoid vulnerability or distress. It’s often withdrawn or “checked out", but underneath there’s usually pain, sadness, or unmet needs that aren't being acknowledged. If our emotional needs weren’t reliably met as children and we weren't shown how to self-regulate in helpful ways, we may have learned to detach as a way to survive. The Detached Self-Soother tries to protect us from feeling hurt, overwhelmed, or vulnerable, but in doing so, it can block connection with ourselves and others.

So, what can we do instead? The Healthy Adult mode helps us notice and tolerate feelings while regulating ourselves in helpful ways. It reminds us that we don’t need to escape or shut down when we experience distress. With practice, we can begin to connect more with ourselves and others.

Interested in learning more about this mode? Check out our 7-minute schema video about the Detached Self-Soother mode below.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Ah9QHBQ6axw&t=276s

06/10/2025

'1 in 10: Uniting for Change'

06/10/2025

In mental health (and health more broadly) sometimes the 'help' harms. The power threat meaning framework is such an important advance for mental health in addressing this problem.

It reduced self-harm, seclusion, and restraint. Now we have a better idea of how it was able to achieve that goal—and barriers preventing it.