29/12/2025
15+ years ago, I couldn't move my body freely without alcohol.
I needed a few drinks to dance. To let go of the rigid control I kept locked around myself like body armour.
I was stuck. Guarded. My body had become a fortress I lived inside, not a home I inhabited.
What I didn't understand then... my body had learned to hold that rigidity for legitimate reasons.
Years of military service where hyperawareness kept me effective. Where letting my guard down wasn't practical. Where processing emotions in real-time could compromise what needed to happen.
My nervous system had adapted brilliantly to those demands.
The problem? That same adaptation - still running full-tilt in civilian life - had become constrictive rather than protective.
The shift happened when I stopped trying to "fix" myself and started getting curious about what my body was actually trying to communicate.
I learned nervous system regulation. Somatic practices. How to work WITH my body's intelligence instead of constantly overriding it.
And slowly... things changed.
Now I move freely. Not because I forced myself to relax or "powered through."
Because I learned to recognise what my nervous system was signalling. To distinguish between past threat patterns and present reality. To give my body what it actually needed rather than what I thought it should need.
Here's what surprised me most....
My body wasn't trying to sabotage me with all that tension and hypervigilance. It was trying to protect me - using the only strategies it knew.
Once I understood that? Everything shifted.
If 15 years-ago Kate could see me now - dancing freely in my kitchen, moving without needing chemical courage, feeling genuinely safe in my own skin - she wouldn't have believed it was possible.
But it is.
The nervous system that learned to protect you so effectively can absolutely learn new patterns when given the right conditions.
I'm curious...
What would be different for you if your body felt like an ally instead of something you're constantly trying to manage or override?
What might open up if the tension you carry could finally soften?