04/10/2025
353 days ago I made myself a promise
And today I kept my word.
I swore that before my next birthday I'd prove to myself that I CAN, and today I DID!
Let me rewind...
On my birthday last year, I found myself feeling stuck and overwhelmed by fear. If I'm honest, I don't even recall what it was about, but I remember exactly how it felt.
There was this inner tension between knowing what I wanted and needed to do, but being too scared to actually just take the leap of faith and actually do it.
It came with the sensation of wanting to hold on, to stay where things felt safe and familiar, where I was in control, and I just couldn't bring myself to let go.
It reminded me of an experience I'd had years ago when I went rock climbing. Going up was no problem, but when it came time to go down, that was another story...
I was terrified and stayed stuck up there for ages because I couldn't sit back in the harness. I didn't trust that it would catch me and there was no convincing me otherwise.
Logically I knew it was safe, but I still couldn't do it.
I couldn't let go.
I wouldn't trust it.
I needed to stay in control, so I climbed back down...
If you've never rock climbed or abseiled before, you should know that climbing down is WAY harder than climbing up!
Also, the jump-swing-drop-thing you get to do if you just sit back into the harness? Actually super fun! And I completely missed it that day.
Instead, I got to the bottom exhausted, overwhelmed, with my arms shaking like a leaf.
Sitting in my car last year, I realized the fear I was feeling in my life was a lot like that fear I felt that day on the rock.
You see, I've had this vision in my heart for years, and at so many points along the way there's been a little whisper, like something that pops up so unexpectedly, wanting to guide me.
And so often when it happens, I resist.
I want to stay where I am because it's comfortable and that feels safe, even though it's not exactly where I want to be.
It's hard to trust that inner guidance and that it's all going to be okay
So instead of trusting it and following the guidance, I let fear win and take the hard route down instead of jump-swinging and enjoying the ride.
It's kinda funny how the way we do one thing really is the way we do everything.
So right there in that car, I decided to prove to myself that I could let go, and I promised I would give my brain the proof in the most epic and elaborate way I could think of.
I'd go skydiving!
And I had to do it before my next birthday.
Today I did exactly that, I jumped out of a plane at over 13 000ft in the glorious sunshine and with just 12 days to spare
It was incredible!
That's the cool thing about that sometimes-confronting little saying about the way we do things, it works both ways.
Today I gave my brain proof that I CAN.
I can let go. I can trust. I can surrender. And perhaps most importantly - I can choose differently!
I can go from being the person who wants to control and micromanage life, burning myself out and missing out on fun along the way
To someone who can jump and trust that life and all the magical forces that be, will be right there to catch, guide, and support me every step of the way.
Today was an epic day, and as if things couldn't get any better, I had the world's greatest girlfriends right there with me too
You girls rock my world!
