28/12/2025
Trigger warning: The following may resonate with your own experiences, either as something you've gone through or something you're currently involved in. As we move into 2026, it's important to focus on correcting behavior and distancing ourselves from individuals who have caused harm. Moving on doesn't necessarily mean cutting off contact completely; it can mean limiting interactions and only seeing them when absolutely necessary. Take care of yourself.
Amy Crystal 💫
A simple reaction
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Ouch! That hurt!”
This is a normal reaction to pain.
No manipulation. No escalation. Just information.
⸻
A demand (not a boundary)
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Ouch! That hurt! Stop it!”
This is a demand, not a boundary.
It tells the other person what to do, not what you will do.
⸻
Catastrophizing

Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “My leg is broken! I’ll never walk again!”
This is catastrophizing—inflating harm beyond proportion.
⸻
Retaliation (“matching energy”)
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Ouch!”
Person 2 then steps on Person 1’s toes.
This is retaliation.
It feels justified, but it is not a boundary.
⸻
Escalation
Person 1 steps lightly.
Person 2: “Ouch!”
Person 2 responds by stomping hard.
This is escalation—amplifying the conflict rather than addressing it.
⸻
Pathologizing
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Ouch! That hurt!”
Person 1: “You’re crazy. You need help.”
This is pathologizing—turning the harmed person into the problem.
⸻
Recruiting “flying monkeys” / mobbing
Person 1 steps on Person 2.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1 gathers others to step on Person 2’s toes too,
claiming Person 2 is the real aggressor.
This is flying monkey recruitment—very common in narcissistic abuse and cybermobbing.
⸻
Self-defense
Person 1 steps on Person 2 hard,
lifts their foot to stomp again.
Person 2 blocks the attack and calls for help.
This is self-defense, not escalation.
⸻
Minimization
Person 1 injures Person 2’s toes severely.
Person 2: “Ouch, that really hurt!”
Person 1: “It didn’t hurt. You’re exaggerating.”
This is minimization—dismissing or trivializing real harm.
⸻
No Contact
Person 1 repeatedly steps on Person 2’s toes
despite being asked to stop.
Person 2 chooses to walk away permanently.
This is No Contact—removing oneself from repeated harm.
⸻
Projection
Person 2: “My foot hurts. I think you stepped on me.”
Then Person 2 stomps Person 1 intentionally.
This is projection—doing the thing you accuse the other of.
⸻
Playing the victim
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1: “Everyone listen! Person 2 is abusing me!”
This is playing the victim—weaponizing sympathy to avoid accountability.
⸻
Blame shifting
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1: “It’s your fault for standing there.”
This is blame shifting—assigning responsibility to the harmed person.
⸻
Gaslighting
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “You stepped on my toes.”
Person 1: “No I didn’t.”
This is gaslighting—denying another person’s reality.
⸻
Reactive Defense (“reactive abuse”)
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes every day, repeatedly,
ignoring all requests to stop.
Person 2 finally snaps and steps back.
This is reactive defense—an understandable but weaponizable reaction.
Abusers often use it as “proof” the victim was the aggressor.
⸻
Establishing healthy boundaries
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Ouch, that hurt. If you keep stepping on my toes,
I won’t stand near you anymore.”
This is a boundary—a statement about your own actions,
not a command.
⸻
Common decency / healthy repair
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt. Please don’t do that again.”
Person 1: “I’m sorry, that was an accident.”
This is healthy communication—the ideal outcome.
⸻
DARVO
(Deny, Attack, Reverse Victim and Offender)
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1:
• denies: “I didn’t.”
• attacks: “You’re impossible.”
• reverses victim/offender: “You’re abusing me by accusing me.”
This is DARVO, the signature pattern of high-control personalities.
⸻
Love-bombing
Person 1 repeatedly steps on Person 2’s toes
but showers them with compliments and affection afterward:
“You know I adore you. You’re overreacting. I only step on you because I love you.”
This is love-bombing—harm paired with flattery to confuse accountability.
⸻
The silent treatment
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1 refuses to speak for days.
This is the silent treatment—punishment through withdrawal.
⸻
Stonewalling
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Can we talk about this?”
Person 1: stares, refuses, says “I’m done talking.”
This is stonewalling—not the same as healthy space-taking.
____
Triangulation
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Instead of addressing the harm, Person 1 goes to Person 3 and says,
“Can you believe Person 2 is mad at me for nothing?”
This is triangulation—involving a third party to avoid direct accountability
and destabilize the relationship.
⸻
Deflection
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1: “Why are you always so sensitive? What about the time you stepped on my shoe last year?”
This is deflection—shifting the conversation away from the harm
to avoid addressing it.
⸻
Toxic Positivity
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1: “Don’t be negative! Just stay positive! Everything happens for a reason.”
This is toxic positivity—using forced optimism
to suppress valid feelings and dodge responsibility.
⸻
Conditional Kindness
Person 1 repeatedly steps on Person 2’s toes.
But they only apologize or behave nicely
when they want something from Person 2.
This is conditional kindness—affection used as a bargaining chip,
not genuine care.
⸻
Smear Campaign
After stepping on Person 2’s toes,
Person 1 goes around telling others:
“Person 2 is dangerous, unstable, and abusive.”
This is a smear campaign—systematically damaging someone’s reputation
to preemptively discredit their truth.
⸻
Fauxpology
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “That hurt.”
Person 1: “I’m sorry you feel that way.”
This is a fauxpology—a non-apology that acknowledges no harm
and subtly blames the offended person.
⸻
Futile Loop (“circular conversations”)
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2: “Please stop doing that.”
Person 1: “Stop what?”
This repeats every day for months.
This is a futile loop—no progress, no resolution,
designed to exhaust the harmed person until they give up.
⸻
Weaponized Incompetence
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes.
When confronted, they say:
“I don’t know how to not step on your toes. I’m just bad at this. You expect too much.”
This is weaponized incompetence—pretending helplessness
to avoid change or accountability.
⸻
Future Faking
Person 1 steps on Person 2’s toes regularly.
Whenever Person 2 brings it up,
Person 1 promises dramatic future change:
“Things will be different next week, I swear. I’m turning over a new leaf.”
But nothing ever changes.
This is future faking—using false promises of improvement
to keep someone from leaving.
⸻
Hoovering
Person 1 repeatedly steps on Person 2’s toes.
Person 2 finally steps away and creates distance.
Weeks later, Person 1 returns with sudden affection:
“I miss you. You’re the best thing that ever happened to me. Please come back.”
This is hoovering—pulling someone back into a harmful dynamic
once they attempt to leave.
Kalen Dion
