Heather McPherson

24/04/2026

Anger in relationships gets a bad reputation because of what it can look like when it's expressed poorly. But underneath most relational anger is information that's been waiting to be heard. And when you shut it down instead of listening to it, you usually just end up carrying it longer.

A boundary that's been crossed but never enforced. A need that's been communicated but not taken seriously. A pattern of accommodating that's quietly become resentment. Anger tends to show up loudest when something important has been minimized for too long. It's not asking you to react. It's asking you to pay attention to what you've been letting slide.

Your anger is not the problem. What you do with the information it's carrying is where it gets interesting.

24/04/2026

https://www.elephantjournal.com/2025/05/why-emotional-safety-in-relationships-matters-more-than-we-think-damini-grover/?fbclid=IwZXh0bgNhZW0CMTEAc3J0YwZhcHBfaWQKNjYyODU2ODM3OQABHt8fovuz9Atr0qcuCvR7hLeuqMhJ8a7tReA9xsXVGwpy8ZBhxey-JW0mOw6V_aem_V4HDseIGwoWjb5-As7RHLA

You will always encounter some people in your life with whom you'd be able to talk about anything under the sun except your emotions and emotional needs. Have you ever experienced that?

23/04/2026

If your relationships feel hard, it’s probably not just because of other people.

It’s what your body is holding when you’re with them.

A client came in today dreading a visit with her family. Overwhelmed. Bracing for judgment, criticism… not feeling valued.

Because when hurt has built up over time, your nervous system starts treating people as a threat.

Not consciously. But in the body.

Underneath that was something clearer.

Anger. Not reactive. Not messy. Clean. The kind that shows up when a boundary has been crossed.

At one point she said, “I just want to cut them off at the knees.”

So we gave that impulse somewhere safe and contained to go.

She hit a metal post with a stick—hard, repeatedly—letting her body complete what it had been holding back.

And despite the noise and intensity, the horses moved in close. No alarm. No withdrawal.

They weren’t responding to the force. They were responding to the clarity.

Because anger—when it’s clean—doesn’t break connection. It restores the boundary that makes connection possible.

Afterwards, she was calm. Relaxed. Smiling. And then she said, “I’m actually looking forward to seeing them.”

Same family. Different state.

This is what changes relationships. Not more insight. Not trying harder. But resolving what your body is still carrying into the space.

If you’re tired of working this hard for connection, there’s another way.

16/04/2026

Are we listening?
Even human to human…are we doing what feels right to us only or are we honouring what someone else might need or like?

When we create safe spaces and do what’s more natural we have the opportunity to build meaningful connections. Safe spaces. Trust. A bond.

08/04/2026

30/03/2026

29/03/2026

A quieter truth…clarity. No fixing, no replacing or getting rid of. Allowing instead of avoiding. In safety it surfaces.

Most people approach shadow work like something is broken.

Like there are parts of them that need to be healed, removed, or replaced.

But a deeper layer of shadow work exists beyond that.

It is not about fixing.

It is about clarity.

The kind of clarity that strips away illusion.

A witch working at this level stops asking, “How do I heal this?”
and starts asking, “What is actually true here?”

Where am I lying to myself?
Where am I staying out of habit, not alignment?
Where am I choosing comfort over truth?

This form of shadow work is quieter.

There are no rituals needed in the moment. No candles or tools. Just radical self-honesty.

Because the shadow often survives not through darkness but through avoidance.

The patterns you keep repeating.
The dynamics you keep accepting.
The feelings you keep explaining away.

When you begin to look at them without softening the truth, something shifts.

Not because you forced change.

But because illusion cannot exist where it is fully seen.

This is where shadow work becomes powerful.

You stop negotiating with what you already know.

You stop needing validation for what your instincts have been showing you all along.

And from that place, your actions begin to change naturally.

Not from effort.

But from awareness.

Because once you truly see something clearly you cannot unknow it.

And that is where real transformation begins.

29/03/2026

26/03/2026

Reflecting on Self Awareness today —

Many people think they're self aware. Maybe even most?
But self-awareness is a daily, moment to moment practice that involves checking in with your own heart, mind, and body.
And in a world where our attention is constantly being pulled in a million different directions, it's a practice that takes presence, boundaries, and the willingness to slow down.

Self awareness is learning how to read your own internal (and sometimes external) signals — the sensations you feel internally when you're feeling down, the way your body responds to someone's complimentary comment, the flurry of thoughts you have after a terse interaction — to begin to notice these seemingly small shifts, and to get curious about what they're telling you.

Self awareness is the ability to put space between who you are and these different sensations, reactions, feelings, and moments of rumination. (It's also becoming aware of how your past shows up in these moments and responses, too). Because when you recognize that you are not your feelings, reactions, or behaviors, the ability to respond in new ways to yourself opens up a whole new way of being.

I'll add here, self awareness is not:
Obsessing over how others perceive you,
or bypassing what's here by reframing or looking for the silver lining,
It's not constantly scanning for what you should fix,
or hiding behind logic, humor, spirituality, or competence to avoid feeling.

It's really learning how to become your own safe and consistent witness.
To be on your own side and to just notice —
without immediately fixing, changing, or pushing into the next moment.
Because when you can be fully and safely to present to what's really here,
the next step usually shows itself.

We had our first Regulate + Relate last weekend, and I'm going to be holding another one on April 18th.
If you want to come into a quiet space, slow down, tune in, and then meet some lovely people who are interested in authentic conversation and connection — come join us!
https://theeqschool.co/regulate-and-relate

25/03/2026

24/03/2026

24/03/2026

This isn’t an anti-therapy post; therapy can be great & it’s been super helpful to me and so many others.

But I have been noticing for awhile that many people think of therapy as the only route to navigating emotional difficulty & rewiring old patterns. And while it can be so helpful, therapy is also most often an expensive, 1:1 experience that takes us out of the context of the thing we’re navigating. It’s also often reactionary as opposed to proactive; we come to therapy when there are issues.

Again, in a wider context, that’s not a bad thing for many reasons. But I believe that therapy should be viewed as a helpful resource more than the *entire answer* to anything emotionally challenging or mental health related.

(also, therapists are not always great educators, and pyscho-education is really helpful for many people who lean toward meaning-making to feel safe enough to try something new).

When we zoom out, this segmented approach makes sense; our society has become more & more individualistic. Many people don’t feel they have supportive community or feel like they have people they can go to for help or support. People (myself included) feel bad asking for ‘favors,’ without immediately offering something in return. (We’re allowed to receive!)

But the most important moments in my healing & growth journey have actually come from taking part in healthy communities. From being allowed to be messy, from engaging safely in conflict and being willing to share and listen, from showing up consistently, and from learning from our experiences together and getting better at communicating as we go.
From seeing healthier behavior modeled & adopting that norm myself. It’s been imperfect and has made imperfection seem a lot less scary.

I believe that this experience is possible for everyone, but that as a culture we have to be willing to see the value in increasing our collective emotional intelligence. We have to be willing to shift some of our cultural norms away from stark individualism & see that we ALL benefit when we can look out for and hold space for one another.

On Saturday we held our first Regulate & Relate meetup in Portland, and it was so wonderful to get together. It was a small group, and together we slowed down, checked in, and connected with likeminded others who are deeply committed to learning, growing, and opening themselves.
Join us in April:
https://theeqschool.co/regulate-and-relate