Andrea Walmsley Counselling

25/12/2025

Can you remember the last time you took a holiday and completely released the need to stay on top of your workload? If the answer is no, you are not the only one.

You may believe that success requires being available and "on" at all times. Working hard, without a break, though, can sometimes have the opposite effect

Exhaustion, resentment, and mistakes can be the outcome of too much hard work. Your health and your closest relationships may suffer as a result.

Just as athletes need rest to maintain their form, you need rest to be able to go back to your job renewed, refreshed and ready to perform tasks with vigour.

Having time off from work does not necessarily mean that the time spent is truly restful. The types of things that nourish a sense of wellbeing include:
💠creative pursuits that involve “making”, such as art, sewing, cooking, music.
💠spending time in nature, walking on the beach, gardening.
💠taking time to meet up with friends and spend quality time with family
💠Reading for pleasure
💠Having time to be mindful, do some journaling, watch the sunrise or sunset or the waves at the beach lap onto the shore.

You may be reading this and thinking that all this sounds good, but the reality is that you don’t have time to take a real break from work, or you feel anxious when you rest, or you feel undeserving of a break.

I work with people who need help to restore a work-life balance that works for their unique circumstances. I recognise that my clients know deep down what will work for them and I help them to identify this by providing tools and strategies if they want them.

Read more here www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

16/12/2025

Did you know? Your brain isn’t built to make you happy. It’s built to keep you safe.

From an evolutionary point of view, your brain’s primary job is to scan for anything that might go wrong. It’s constantly assessing risk, predicting danger, and preparing you to respond. That’s why it holds onto awkward moments, zooms in on small mistakes, and jumps to worst-case scenarios.

This wiring plays a big role in anxiety. When the brain is always on alert, it can feel as though something is never quite right, even when life is objectively okay.

It also helps explain why the constant pursuit of happiness can feel exhausting. If your brain is designed to look for threat rather than contentment, chasing happiness as a permanent state can leave you feeling as though you’re failing, when in fact your nervous system is just doing its job.

The helpful part is this:
When you understand what your brain is actually trying to do, you can start noticing when it’s reacting to perceived threat rather than real danger. Counselling can help you slow this process down, reduce anxiety, and shift focus away from “needing to feel happy” towards feeling steadier, safer, and more aligned with what matters to you.

It’s not a broken system.
It’s just an overprotective one.

If this resonates and you’d like support in understanding your own patterns more clearly, you’re welcome to visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au for more information and contact details.

28/11/2025

One of you pushes, the other shuts down. The arguments feel endless, and both of you end up unheard, frustrated, and alone. The surprising thing is that both of you are just trying to feel safe. One seeks safety through control, the other through withdrawal.

Even if you’ve almost given up, counselling can help you break this cycle. Together, you can learn to understand what each reaction is protecting, create emotional safety, and finally communicate in a way that keeps you both connected.

24/11/2025

Ever find yourself mid-argument thinking, “This can’t just be about the dishes… so why am I this upset?” That moment of confusion is often the first clue that something deeper is being stirred. Many people don’t realise that they’re not reacting to their partner — they’re reacting to the child they once were. And once you see this, the intensity of your feelings begins to make sense.

It’s not really about the dishes in the sink; it’s the old pressure of always being the responsible one. It’s not really about forgotten groceries; it’s the familiar sting of feeling unimportant. It’s not really about your partner being late; it’s the echo of waiting for someone who didn’t always show up. It’s not really about your partner wanting space; it’s the old fear of emotional distance. And it’s not really about the tone of their voice; it’s the memory of voices you once had to brace yourself for.

Your reactions aren’t irrational — they’re familiar. Your body remembers old wounds far quicker than your mind can make sense of them, which is why small moments can suddenly feel so charged.

But understanding this isn’t an excuse for your partner to continue behaving in ways that clash with your values or boundaries. Insight helps you understand your side of the pattern, but it doesn’t mean you must accept behaviour that feels dismissive, careless, or hurtful. Both things can be true at once: your reaction may be amplified by past experiences, and your partner may still need to communicate with more care and respect. Awareness should empower you, not silence you.

Next time a big feeling rises, try asking yourself: “Is this about now… or does this remind me of something I once had to manage alone?” That small pause can open the door to clarity, steadiness, and meaningful change — the kind that helps you respond in a way that truly supports who you are today.












For more information and contact details, please visit: www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

20/11/2025

When we focus on what we don’t want, our mind often stays tied to the very thing we’re trying to avoid. It’s a bit like walking into a café and saying, “I don’t want black coffee.” The barista is left guessing — do you want tea, a latte, a hot chocolate? You’ve shared what you don’t want, but not what would actually meet your needs.

In everyday life, this same pattern can leave you feeling unheard or misunderstood. When you clearly name what you do want — “I’d like a cappuccino” — the path forward becomes clearer. Others know how to respond, and you’re more likely to receive something that genuinely supports you.

This shift helps in three key ways:
• It brings clarity. Identifying what you want helps you move with intention rather than frustration.
• It strengthens communication. People can understand your needs without feeling blamed or criticised.
• It supports boundary-setting. You’re able to express your limits in a way that feels firm but fair, reducing guilt and tension.

Saying what you want isn’t about being demanding — it’s about honouring your needs and giving yourself the chance to move towards greater wellbeing.

If you know what you want, share it as a comment below.
Black coffee?
Cappuccino?
Flat White?
Hot Chocolate?
Tea?☕️

Did it take you long to decide?

For more information and contact details, you can visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

19/11/2025

If you’re someone who regularly puts others first, it can feel deeply uncomfortable when you try to hold a boundary — especially when a child or partner suddenly needs something today that could have been organised weeks ago. You may feel pressure to fix it, even before you’ve had a chance to think.

It’s important to remember that you do not have to carry other people’s urgency. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to acknowledge their stress without taking the problem on yourself. And you are allowed to respond in a way that protects your time, your energy, and your emotional space.

If you’re new to boundary setting, it can help to experiment with phrases that feel warm but firm. You might adapt these into your own everyday language, as long as the meaning stays the same — that the responsibility remains with the person who created the urgency.

Here are some examples you can start with:
• “I can hear this feels urgent for you, but I’m not able to take it on today.”
• “I understand you’re stressed. I won’t be rearranging things at the last minute.”
• “I care about you, but I can’t fix this right now.”
• “I won’t be stepping in for this. You’ll need to use what’s already available.”
• “I can see this matters to you, but I’m not able to respond at short notice.”

You can soften them, simplify them, or shape them to suit your own voice — the key is that the message remains clear and steady.

It’s completely normal to feel guilty or uncertain at first. That discomfort is simply part of learning a new way of relating to others, one that supports your wellbeing as well as theirs.

For more information and contact details, you can visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

BoundariesMatter

07/11/2025

Many people describe feeling as though the day begins the moment their feet hit the floor. Tasks, responsibilities, and worries can crowd in quickly. When this happens, time can feel rushed and fragmented, and it becomes harder to feel grounded or connected to yourself.

A small daily ritual, such as making and drinking a cup of tea in the same way each morning, can help shape time differently. The repetition of the ritual creates familiarity. Your body begins to recognise the steps, and this consistency can signal calm to your nervous system. Rather than time moving you along, you are choosing how to meet the moment.

Rituals also create a sense of continuity. Each morning links gently to the one before and the one after. This can be comforting when life feels uncertain or busy. It offers a steady thread running through your days—a moment where nothing is required of you except presence.

This is not about creating perfection or a whole new routine. It is simply about allowing yourself one small, predictable pause where you can breathe, settle, and arrive in your day with more clarity.

For more information and contact details, please visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

23/10/2025

20/10/2025

Someone cuts you off in traffic. The queue moves slowly. A partner forgets to do something they promised. Small things — yet they can feel surprisingly big when you’re already carrying stress. When life feels heavy or unresolved issues are simmering beneath the surface, it takes very little for annoyance to be triggered. A small irritation can suddenly feel overwhelming because it taps into something deeper — frustration, hurt, or a sense of being unheard or undervalued.

Annoyance is adrenaline with nowhere to go. It’s your body’s stress response — a rush of energy preparing you to act. But when there’s nothing to fix or no safe outlet for that energy, it turns inward, creating tension and emotional strain. Over time, this can quietly wear down your sense of calm and connection, affecting both your wellbeing and your relationships.

Counselling can help by creating space to explore what sits underneath those feelings. Together, you can unpack the patterns and triggers that make certain situations feel bigger than they appear. Understanding why something provokes such a strong response helps you to approach it differently. Through awareness, self-compassion, and practical strategies, you can learn to respond in ways that protect your peace rather than disturb it.

You can’t always control what happens around you — but with the right support, you can regain control over how it affects you.

For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au.

18/10/2025

You’ve probably heard the story of the frog in the pot — if a frog is placed in boiling water, it jumps out immediately. But if it’s placed in cool water that’s slowly heated, it doesn’t realise the danger until it’s too late.

In life, frog in the pot syndrome happens when we stay in situations that slowly erode our wellbeing. The changes are so gradual we don’t notice how much they’re affecting us — until we feel trapped, burnt out, or lost.

Here are some situations where this can happen:
🐸 Staying in a job that’s become increasingly stressful or unhealthy
🐸 Remaining in a relationship where respect or care has slowly faded
🐸 Accepting more and more responsibility until exhaustion becomes normal
🐸 Ignoring personal boundaries because others “need” you
🐸 Living with constant self-criticism or people-pleasing without realising how draining it’s become
🐸 Adapting to ongoing family conflict or emotional neglect
🐸 Gradually losing your sense of identity while trying to meet others’ expectations

Counselling can help you notice the temperature changing. Through gentle self-exploration, you can become more aware of what’s happening, recognise the early signs of emotional strain, and start to make choices that protect your wellbeing before things reach breaking point.

Sometimes, stepping back and having a safe space to talk is what helps you realise you don’t have to stay in the pot.

🌿 Visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au for more information and contact details.

16/10/2025

When life feels like one bad thing after another, it’s easy to slip into expecting the next problem before it even arrives.
You might catch yourself bracing for it — “What’s next?” — almost as though you’re waiting for confirmation that things won’t get better.

From a counselling perspective, this can be a sign that your nervous system is stuck in a state of vigilance.
When difficult experiences have followed each other closely, your body and mind learn to stay on guard, even when the danger has passed.

It’s not a character flaw — it’s a protective response that has simply outstayed its purpose.

Through counselling, we gently explore where this expectation of “the next bad thing” began, and how it shows up in your daily life.
Over time, you can learn to notice safety as readily as threat — to pause before predicting disaster, and to allow for the possibility that something good might happen next.

You deserve to feel at ease in your own life again.

🕊️
For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

14/10/2025

What does your inner voice tell you?

Everyone has an inner voice — the internal dialogue that helps us think, plan, and make sense of the world. Psychologists refer to this as inner speech.

Research shows that inner speech develops during childhood. As children, we often talk out loud to ourselves while we play or solve problems — something known as private speech. Over time, this external talk becomes internal, forming the inner voice we carry into adulthood.

The tone and content of that inner voice are often influenced by the communication styles of our early caregivers. If a parent or caregiver used calm, encouraging language, our self-talk may sound supportive. If they were often critical or anxious, our internal dialogue can reflect that tone, even years later.

It’s also common for well-meant messages such as “You’re strong” or “Be good” to become internal rules that make it hard to express vulnerability or imperfection.

Understanding where our inner voice comes from can help us relate to it differently. Through counselling, many people learn to notice their inner dialogue with more compassion — and gradually shift it from something inherited to something self-chosen.

For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

References and further reading
1. Vygotsky, L. S. (1987). Thinking and Speech. In R. W. Rieber & A. S. Carton (Eds.), The Collected Works of L. S. Vygotsky (Vol. 1). Plenum Press.
– Foundational theory describing how external speech becomes internalised as thought.
2. Alderson-Day, B., & Fernyhough, C. (2015). Inner speech: Development, cognitive functions, phenomenology, and neurobiology. Psychological Bulletin, 141(5), 931–965.
– Comprehensive review of how inner speech develops and operates in the brain.