Andrea Walmsley Counselling

28/11/2025

One of you pushes, the other shuts down. The arguments feel endless, and both of you end up unheard, frustrated, and alone. The surprising thing is that both of you are just trying to feel safe. One seeks safety through control, the other through withdrawal.

Even if you’ve almost given up, counselling can help you break this cycle. Together, you can learn to understand what each reaction is protecting, create emotional safety, and finally communicate in a way that keeps you both connected.

24/11/2025

Ever find yourself mid-argument thinking, “This can’t just be about the dishes… so why am I this upset?” That moment of confusion is often the first clue that something deeper is being stirred. Many people don’t realise that they’re not reacting to their partner — they’re reacting to the child they once were. And once you see this, the intensity of your feelings begins to make sense.

It’s not really about the dishes in the sink; it’s the old pressure of always being the responsible one. It’s not really about forgotten groceries; it’s the familiar sting of feeling unimportant. It’s not really about your partner being late; it’s the echo of waiting for someone who didn’t always show up. It’s not really about your partner wanting space; it’s the old fear of emotional distance. And it’s not really about the tone of their voice; it’s the memory of voices you once had to brace yourself for.

Your reactions aren’t irrational — they’re familiar. Your body remembers old wounds far quicker than your mind can make sense of them, which is why small moments can suddenly feel so charged.

But understanding this isn’t an excuse for your partner to continue behaving in ways that clash with your values or boundaries. Insight helps you understand your side of the pattern, but it doesn’t mean you must accept behaviour that feels dismissive, careless, or hurtful. Both things can be true at once: your reaction may be amplified by past experiences, and your partner may still need to communicate with more care and respect. Awareness should empower you, not silence you.

Next time a big feeling rises, try asking yourself: “Is this about now… or does this remind me of something I once had to manage alone?” That small pause can open the door to clarity, steadiness, and meaningful change — the kind that helps you respond in a way that truly supports who you are today.












For more information and contact details, please visit: www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

20/11/2025

When we focus on what we don’t want, our mind often stays tied to the very thing we’re trying to avoid. It’s a bit like walking into a café and saying, “I don’t want black coffee.” The barista is left guessing — do you want tea, a latte, a hot chocolate? You’ve shared what you don’t want, but not what would actually meet your needs.

In everyday life, this same pattern can leave you feeling unheard or misunderstood. When you clearly name what you do want — “I’d like a cappuccino” — the path forward becomes clearer. Others know how to respond, and you’re more likely to receive something that genuinely supports you.

This shift helps in three key ways:
• It brings clarity. Identifying what you want helps you move with intention rather than frustration.
• It strengthens communication. People can understand your needs without feeling blamed or criticised.
• It supports boundary-setting. You’re able to express your limits in a way that feels firm but fair, reducing guilt and tension.

Saying what you want isn’t about being demanding — it’s about honouring your needs and giving yourself the chance to move towards greater wellbeing.

If you know what you want, share it as a comment below.
Black coffee?
Cappuccino?
Flat White?
Hot Chocolate?
Tea?☕️

Did it take you long to decide?

For more information and contact details, you can visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

19/11/2025

If you’re someone who regularly puts others first, it can feel deeply uncomfortable when you try to hold a boundary — especially when a child or partner suddenly needs something today that could have been organised weeks ago. You may feel pressure to fix it, even before you’ve had a chance to think.

It’s important to remember that you do not have to carry other people’s urgency. You are allowed to pause. You are allowed to acknowledge their stress without taking the problem on yourself. And you are allowed to respond in a way that protects your time, your energy, and your emotional space.

If you’re new to boundary setting, it can help to experiment with phrases that feel warm but firm. You might adapt these into your own everyday language, as long as the meaning stays the same — that the responsibility remains with the person who created the urgency.

Here are some examples you can start with:
• “I can hear this feels urgent for you, but I’m not able to take it on today.”
• “I understand you’re stressed. I won’t be rearranging things at the last minute.”
• “I care about you, but I can’t fix this right now.”
• “I won’t be stepping in for this. You’ll need to use what’s already available.”
• “I can see this matters to you, but I’m not able to respond at short notice.”

You can soften them, simplify them, or shape them to suit your own voice — the key is that the message remains clear and steady.

It’s completely normal to feel guilty or uncertain at first. That discomfort is simply part of learning a new way of relating to others, one that supports your wellbeing as well as theirs.

For more information and contact details, you can visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

BoundariesMatter

07/11/2025

Many people describe feeling as though the day begins the moment their feet hit the floor. Tasks, responsibilities, and worries can crowd in quickly. When this happens, time can feel rushed and fragmented, and it becomes harder to feel grounded or connected to yourself.

A small daily ritual, such as making and drinking a cup of tea in the same way each morning, can help shape time differently. The repetition of the ritual creates familiarity. Your body begins to recognise the steps, and this consistency can signal calm to your nervous system. Rather than time moving you along, you are choosing how to meet the moment.

Rituals also create a sense of continuity. Each morning links gently to the one before and the one after. This can be comforting when life feels uncertain or busy. It offers a steady thread running through your days—a moment where nothing is required of you except presence.

This is not about creating perfection or a whole new routine. It is simply about allowing yourself one small, predictable pause where you can breathe, settle, and arrive in your day with more clarity.

For more information and contact details, please visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

23/10/2025

20/10/2025

Someone cuts you off in traffic. The queue moves slowly. A partner forgets to do something they promised. Small things — yet they can feel surprisingly big when you’re already carrying stress. When life feels heavy or unresolved issues are simmering beneath the surface, it takes very little for annoyance to be triggered. A small irritation can suddenly feel overwhelming because it taps into something deeper — frustration, hurt, or a sense of being unheard or undervalued.

Annoyance is adrenaline with nowhere to go. It’s your body’s stress response — a rush of energy preparing you to act. But when there’s nothing to fix or no safe outlet for that energy, it turns inward, creating tension and emotional strain. Over time, this can quietly wear down your sense of calm and connection, affecting both your wellbeing and your relationships.

Counselling can help by creating space to explore what sits underneath those feelings. Together, you can unpack the patterns and triggers that make certain situations feel bigger than they appear. Understanding why something provokes such a strong response helps you to approach it differently. Through awareness, self-compassion, and practical strategies, you can learn to respond in ways that protect your peace rather than disturb it.

You can’t always control what happens around you — but with the right support, you can regain control over how it affects you.

For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au.

18/10/2025

You’ve probably heard the story of the frog in the pot — if a frog is placed in boiling water, it jumps out immediately. But if it’s placed in cool water that’s slowly heated, it doesn’t realise the danger until it’s too late.

In life, frog in the pot syndrome happens when we stay in situations that slowly erode our wellbeing. The changes are so gradual we don’t notice how much they’re affecting us — until we feel trapped, burnt out, or lost.

Here are some situations where this can happen:
🐸 Staying in a job that’s become increasingly stressful or unhealthy
🐸 Remaining in a relationship where respect or care has slowly faded
🐸 Accepting more and more responsibility until exhaustion becomes normal
🐸 Ignoring personal boundaries because others “need” you
🐸 Living with constant self-criticism or people-pleasing without realising how draining it’s become
🐸 Adapting to ongoing family conflict or emotional neglect
🐸 Gradually losing your sense of identity while trying to meet others’ expectations

Counselling can help you notice the temperature changing. Through gentle self-exploration, you can become more aware of what’s happening, recognise the early signs of emotional strain, and start to make choices that protect your wellbeing before things reach breaking point.

Sometimes, stepping back and having a safe space to talk is what helps you realise you don’t have to stay in the pot.

🌿 Visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au for more information and contact details.

16/10/2025

When life feels like one bad thing after another, it’s easy to slip into expecting the next problem before it even arrives.
You might catch yourself bracing for it — “What’s next?” — almost as though you’re waiting for confirmation that things won’t get better.

From a counselling perspective, this can be a sign that your nervous system is stuck in a state of vigilance.
When difficult experiences have followed each other closely, your body and mind learn to stay on guard, even when the danger has passed.

It’s not a character flaw — it’s a protective response that has simply outstayed its purpose.

Through counselling, we gently explore where this expectation of “the next bad thing” began, and how it shows up in your daily life.
Over time, you can learn to notice safety as readily as threat — to pause before predicting disaster, and to allow for the possibility that something good might happen next.

You deserve to feel at ease in your own life again.

🕊️
For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

14/10/2025

What does your inner voice tell you?

Everyone has an inner voice — the internal dialogue that helps us think, plan, and make sense of the world. Psychologists refer to this as inner speech.

Research shows that inner speech develops during childhood. As children, we often talk out loud to ourselves while we play or solve problems — something known as private speech. Over time, this external talk becomes internal, forming the inner voice we carry into adulthood.

The tone and content of that inner voice are often influenced by the communication styles of our early caregivers. If a parent or caregiver used calm, encouraging language, our self-talk may sound supportive. If they were often critical or anxious, our internal dialogue can reflect that tone, even years later.

It’s also common for well-meant messages such as “You’re strong” or “Be good” to become internal rules that make it hard to express vulnerability or imperfection.

Understanding where our inner voice comes from can help us relate to it differently. Through counselling, many people learn to notice their inner dialogue with more compassion — and gradually shift it from something inherited to something self-chosen.

For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

References and further reading
1. Vygotsky, L. S. (1987). Thinking and Speech. In R. W. Rieber & A. S. Carton (Eds.), The Collected Works of L. S. Vygotsky (Vol. 1). Plenum Press.
– Foundational theory describing how external speech becomes internalised as thought.
2. Alderson-Day, B., & Fernyhough, C. (2015). Inner speech: Development, cognitive functions, phenomenology, and neurobiology. Psychological Bulletin, 141(5), 931–965.
– Comprehensive review of how inner speech develops and operates in the brain.

09/10/2025

Before the baby, life with your partner may have felt carefree. You went out together, laughed easily, and had time just for the two of you. Now, everything feels different. She seems changed, the baby takes up every ounce of energy, and you find yourself missing the person she used to be — the person you could just relax and have fun with.

These feelings are real and they are valid. It’s normal to grieve the loss of how things once were. Becoming parents is one of the biggest changes a couple can go through. The woman you love hasn’t disappeared, but right now she’s stretched, exhausted, and reshaped by the new role she’s carrying.

It’s important to know that relationships aren’t meant to stay the same. They move through seasons. While this season may feel heavy, it doesn’t mean joy and closeness are gone forever. It means they need to be rediscovered in new ways. Small moments of connection, honest conversations, and turning towards each other — even in the tiredness — can slowly rebuild the “us” that feels lost.

This is not the time to walk away or make big decisions about leaving. This is a time to acknowledge the changes, care for each other differently, and hold on to the possibility that love can grow even in the hardest seasons.

Counselling can provide a space to talk about what’s been lost, what you long for, and how to find a way back to each other while adjusting to life with your baby.

For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au

08/10/2025

Sometimes before you can work on your relationship as a couple, it’s important to work on yourself as an individual.

When we don’t understand or attend to our own emotional struggles, they can quietly influence how we relate to our partner. For example:
• If you feel anxious or insecure, you might become overly sensitive to your partner’s tone or need constant reassurance.
• If you carry unhealed wounds from a past relationship, you might find it hard to trust or let your guard down.
• If you feel unfulfilled or unhappy within yourself, you might expect your partner to “fix” it — which can lead to frustration on both sides.
• If you avoid conflict or struggle to express emotions, it can leave your partner feeling shut out.

Addressing your own issues doesn’t mean you’re to blame — it means you’re taking responsibility for your part in how the relationship functions. Individual counselling can help you understand your reactions, recognise old patterns, and develop healthier ways of relating.

When both partners take this step, the relationship often feels safer, calmer, and more connected.

📍For more information and contact details, visit www.andreawalmsleycounselling.com.au