06/03/2026
We're late!
I recently heard an interview with Ross Greene, who spoke about how our systems and policies are designed for us to be "late" when addressing concerning behaviors. Allow me to explain.
If a child gets put in timeout, or seclusion, we're late. We, the adults, are reacting to a behavior that already happened.
Sending a kid to the "calm down" corner? We're late. The dysregulation already happened.
Detentions, suspensions, expulsions? Late again.
"Consequences?" Late. Consequences are handed out after the fact, with the hope that we "teach them a lesson" through the punishment so they don't do it again. We know that's not working. Talk to any teacher and they'll tell you that the behaviors are worse than they've ever been.
Dr. Greene was right!
I had the opportunity recently to work in a classroom, with a paraprofessional, on being "early".
We saw a young student walking on their toes during a transition between activities. This child typically didn't do that. That extra proprioception he was seeking out was interpreted as a stress cue. He went to the rug to play and bumped into another child. Yep, he needed help. I positioned myself to support both students on the carpet playing with blocks.
What happened? Nothing. The kids played. I helped them delegate who gets what blocks. I "noticed" what each student was building and encouraged either imitation or collaboration from the other. I re-directed the one student to a different set of blocks to knock down when demolition was more appealing than construction, as he was certainly eyeing his friend's structure to knock down. They played for about 15 minutes and then moved to snack. No issues. No sadness. No fighting. I was early.
What would have happened, as has always happened in the past? The two kids go to the carpet and fight over blocks. An adult comes in and separates them (late). Then, the demolition-desiring student manages to sneak over and knock down his classmate's structure. He gets put in timeout and the victim is crying because his work was destroyed (late). A tough moment for everyone (including the teacher).
Just think about how many big behavioral events would be avoided if we were "early". But, as Dr. Greene expressed, as parents and teachers, we're usually late, albeit unintentionally. It's how our systems, and society in general, are set up.
How can we do better at being early? This is going to sound like a giant plug for occupational therapists, but on some level, I think we all can step back and 'notice' some stress cues. Noticing those stress cues can help us solve problem proactively, before big behaviors occur.
Parents can notice when their child had a tough day at school, or they're tired, or their sibling is driving them a little bit crazy. Those are opportunities to be early, to communicate to them that you 'notice' the difficulty, and set them up for success.
Teachers have to deal with classroom disruptions multiple times a day. We lose millions of classroom days every year because of disruptions in learning. If a teacher 'notices' the dysregulation, pauses teaching to address the dysregulation, and returns to teaching once they are regulated, many of those (late) 'behavior management' tools (clip charts, loss of recess) wouldn't be necessary.
In the example I gave, toe walking was a stress cue. The loss of body awareness was another. Leaving your desk to walk around the room, deeper breathing, a furrowed brow, intense fidgeting, all could be stress cues and an opportunity to be early, if we recognize them.
The other thing I noticed is that being early was much more regulating for ME than being late. When we (the adults) are late, we often come in hot 🔥. We're mad, or really frustrated. Kids feel that. WE feel that. When we're early, we are in helping mode, which feels so much better (and calmer).
I would love to hear your thoughts on this. As parents and teachers, we are late...a lot. 🙋♂️ I am certainly guilty of that. But, many of the big behaviors that occur are predictable and can be addressed proactively if we commit to it and have the right tools. I knew my proprioceptive-seeking, demolition-desiring friend wanted to knock down his classmate's tower. That's a huge dopamine sq**rt for him. He needed my help. He needed me to be early. When I was early, everything went smooth. When I'm not early, "stuff" happens. I can own that, and I can work to be early more often. The consequence isn't necessary, but being early so I can teach them strategies and skills to play reciprocally with their friends is really important.
This is a longer post that usual for me. If you're still reading, I hope you aren't 'late' to whatever you were planning to do next. 😉
I appreciate you being here! 🥰
