27/10/2025
Approaching someone who is struggling requires sensitivity and care. The goal is to open a door to conversation, not force a confession or offer a quick fix.
Here is a guide on how to initiate a supportive and non-judgmental conversation:
How to Start a Supportive Conversation
1. Choose the Right Time and Place
• Privacy is Key: Find a quiet, comfortable, and private setting where you won't be interrupted.
• Time it Right: Make sure you have enough dedicated time and are not rushed. Avoid having this conversation right before an obligation they need to attend.
2. Start with Observation (Be Specific)
Instead of using vague, judgmental, or labeling language, focus on the changes you have observed in their behavior. This shows you care and are specific about your concern.
Instead of Saying... (Vague/Judgmental) - "You seem really depressed lately."
Try Saying... (Specific/Non-Judgmental) - "I've noticed you haven't been joining us for our weekly calls, and I miss you. Is everything okay?"
Instead of Saying... - "You need to pull yourself together."
Try Saying... - "I've noticed you've been sleeping a lot more, and I wanted to check in. How are you feeling?"
Instead of Saying... - "What's wrong with you?"
Try Saying... - "I'm feeling concerned because you seem more withdrawn than usual. Can we talk about what's been going on?"
3. Active Listening and Validation
Once they respond, your main role is to listen without interrupting or trying to solve their problems.
• Validate Their Feelings: Acknowledge their experience as real.
o "That sounds incredibly tough."
o "I can see why you feel so overwhelmed."
o "Thank you for trusting me with this. Your feelings are valid."
• Use Open-Ended Questions: Encourage them to share more without putting words in their mouth.
o "What has this been like for you?"
o "What kind of support would feel most helpful right now?"
o "I'm here to listen. What do you need me to understand?"
4. Encourage Next Steps, Don't Force Them
Gently guide them toward seeking professional help, but respect their pace and autonomy.
• Suggest Professional Help: Frame professional help as a sign of strength and a positive next step.
o "You don't have to carry this alone. Have you ever considered talking to a professional? They have tools to help with exactly this."
o "It takes courage to get support. I can help you look up resources if you'd like."
• Offer Concrete, Limited Support: Only offer help you can realistically commit to.
o "I'd like to check in again tomorrow. Is it okay if I text you then?"
o "Can I bring over dinner this week?" (Avoid saying: "Call me anytime for anything.")
5. Know Your Limits
• You are a Supporter, not a Therapist: Remember that you cannot diagnose or treat their mental health condition. Your job is to support, listen, and encourage professional help.
• Prioritise Safety: If the person expresses thoughts of self-harm or su***de, take it seriously and immediately reach out to emergency services or a crisis hotline like Lifeline 13 11 14.
Drop into the Hub any time you need help - 54 Ridley Street Charlestown 4096 1100 Mon-Fri 9am - 4:30pm
