14/12/2020
Self- sabotaging and limiting thoughts nearly stopped me from becoming a yoga teacher. Those voices were loud and stopped me from signing up for a whole year!
- ‘You will never be a well known yoga teacher. You’re not good enough. What’s even the point of trying’
- ‘Yoga isn’t a career. No one will pay you for it’
- ‘You’re too fat to be a yoga teacher.’
Despite that, I took the plunge. I would be lying if I said it was easy. I cried nearly every day as I had to learn to sit with myself. It’s probably the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do. I’m so used to drowning out my own inner voice, jumping on the hamster wheel of being ‘busy’ and wearing it with pride. As if being busy is something to be proud of.
The second last day of training I was hit with an anxiety attack like no other. It was like a steam train that just kept running me over. I couldn’t stop crying for the whole day. The thought of having to go back to my regular job crippled me. Yoga provided me the time and the space to get to know myself for the first time and come Monday I had to get back onto the hamster wheel.
The anxiety was not shifting. It was strong.
10 minutes before I had to walk into my final class I still hadn’t planned my sequence and then like a wave, the anxiety washed away.
I was present. I was ready. I knew I was where I was meant to be. I knew change was coming, maybe not right away but I could feel it. For the first time in probably my whole life I found comfort in the unknown.
That is yoga. The unity of truly being at peace with where I was physically, mentally and emotionally. Not holding on to the future or the past and allowing whatever was meant to be, to be.
I’m definitely not in that space all the time but yoga allows me to dip in and out and experience a sense of freedom and peace. It’s an embodiment that I can not describe and struggle to put into words.
To have been able to teach yoga this whole year despite lock down has been an absolute gift and at times my anchor. A gift that I plan on continuing to share so others can embody practices that release the need to be ‘busy’ and reconnect back to the soul.
Find me . My second home 🧡
