01/12/2025
t’s been 14 months since a total mental and emotional breakdown led me to two inpatient stays at . I’ve finally accepted that I don’t need to “get over” what trauma has done to my body, mind, and spirit. Instead, I’m learning how to respond differently when life triggers me.
There are things I’ll never be able to condone or simply accept; animal cruelty is a huge one for me. This morning at the vet, I was confronted with one of my worst triggers. A man brought in a tiny puppy he’d found on the side of the road, he found it with its three dead littermates. Someone had dumped them on the side of the road. Hearing the story, I could feel the familiar signs of stress; shallow breath, dizziness, struggling to stay upright, and that voice in my head begging, “stop, stop, stop.”
But I used what I’ve learned. I acknowledged my body’s sensations. I focused on deep, slow breaths. I removed myself from the conversation I couldn’t handle in that moment.
The situation didn’t change, but this time I could regulate my emotions and keep myself grounded, rather than being swept away by my fight response. My instinct is to try to fix, to change / undo the cruelty I see, and then I shut down when I realize I can’t.
I know there’s nothing, no therapy or medication that will ever make me accept acts of cruelty toward animals. I’m okay with that. What I can do is let go: acknowledge it happened, refuse to let it control my thoughts or disrupt my body, and move forward with compassion for myself.
We’re all on our own journey, always learning and growing, finding new ways to cope. I’m sharing this because writing it down and letting it out helps me carry it more lightly. If you’re struggling too, know that you’re not alone and that your growth is something to be proud of.