18/01/2026
Some great advice. Thank you
What to Do When a Child Becomes Physically Aggressive Toward You or a Sibling
Important Note:
This is general information only. Every child, every family, and every situation is different.
Please always speak with your allied-health team (psychologist, OT, social worker, developmental educator, paediatrician, etc.) for personalised guidance and safety planning.
These are broad steps to help you understand what might be happening, not a one-size-fits-all plan.
One of the hardest parts of parenting a PDA or autistic child is when things get physical.
And when it happens, parents often carry shame, fear, or the belief that theyโve somehow failed.
You havenโt.
Your child isnโt โbad.โ
And youโre not a bad parent.
Physical aggression in PDAers is often a nervous system survival response, not a chosen behaviour. Their brain flips into fight/flight, and once theyโre in that state, they cannot think, reflect, follow instructions, or โbehave better.โ
Hereโs what actually helps in those moments and afterward:
๐ฅ 1. Your FIRST priority is safety, not teaching
A dysregulated child canโt learn, reason, or apologise.
This moment is about:
โข staying safe
โข protecting siblings
โข stepping back
โข reducing the intensity
No shame. No lectures. Just safety.
๐ง 2. Remove all pressure
Instructions escalate the threat response.
Avoid:
โStop!โ
โYou need to calm down!โ
โYou canโt hit!โ
Try low-demand, grounding statements:
โข โIโm moving back to keep us safe.โ
โข โWeโll talk later.โ
โข โYouโre safe.โ
โข โIโm right here.โ
๐จ 3. Create space without abandoning
A few steps back.
Turning your body sideways.
Lowering your voice.
If a sibling is present:
โข โCome with me.โ
โข โWeโre going to step back.โ
Protective, calm, and non-shaming.
๐ฉ 4. Use soft, safe protective strategies
Not force. Not restraint.
Just safety.
โข cushions as soft barriers
โข slow movements
โข neutral face
โข sitting instead of standing
โข hands visible
Your body language matters more than your words.
๐ฆ 5. After the moment, reconnect, donโt correct
When everyone is regulated (minutes or hours later):
โข โYour body was overwhelmed.โ
โข โYour brain felt scared.โ
โข โYou werenโt being naughty, you were panicking.โ
โข โNext time weโll figure out what your body needs sooner.โ
This builds skills and safety, not shame.
๐ช 6. Support siblings with simple, gentle explanations
Siblings NEED to understand it isnโt their fault.
Try:
โข โYour brotherโs brain felt scared.โ
โข โYouโre safe.โ
โข โYour feelings matter too.โ
โข โYou did the right thing coming to me.โ
This protects their emotional world.
โฌ 7. Long-term strategies that reduce aggression
๐ซ A) Reduce demands (including hidden ones)
More autonomy = less panic.
โฌ B) Build the window of tolerance
Through safety, co-regulation, sensory support, predictable routines.
๐ง C) Repair after rupture
Connection after conflict expands capacity.
๐ฉ D) Support transitions
This can be a big trigger for PDA kids.
๐ฆ E) Decode the behaviour
Aggression = โI am overwhelmed,โ not โI am bad.โ
๐ The Reframe
Aggression isnโt defiance.
Aggression isnโt manipulation.
Aggression isnโt a parenting failure.
Itโs a childโs nervous system saying:
โThis is too big for me right now.โ
And with the right support, connection, and pacing, these moments CAN decrease over time.