19/06/2020
Wise and insightful
Another day another story in the media of a mum who had breastfeeding struggles, switched to formula feeding and bam! Motherhood instantly became a wonderland of sunshine lollipops and rainbows.
And that's great if that worked for her. And those stories and experiences are completely valid.
The problem is that those stories are greatly over-represented. They dominate the entire conversation around breastfeeding difficulties.
Just sprinkle some formula powder on it, and boom! All your woes will melt away.
But that's not everyone's experience.
And, when you desperately want to continue to breastfeed, constantly being sold this idea that you should just switch to formula is utterly soul destroying.
It makes you feel unheard, unlistened to, dismissed, invalidated, alone, isolated...this is not an exhaustive list.
And it also obscures the fact that there are multiple, meaningful, skilled and effective breastfeeding support options out there.
When I eventually introduced formula to my children my life didn't get easier, it got harder.
First on a practical level because I still had a baby who needed to be fed responsively, I just now had a boatload of boiling kettles, cooling bottles, cleaning and sterilising to do. Great. Marvellous.
And then on an emotional level my mental health, which was already on the floor, crashed through the floor and dragged me straight to hell.
So much for my white knight on a fiery steed eh?
And this horrific situation was made worse because due to this constant harmful narrative that switching to formula is a magic wand that makes everything OK everyone just expected me to be OK.
No-one saw the devastating effect breastfeeding grief and trauma had on my mental health.
No-one wanted to see. Formula was the key, the answer, 'fed is best', everything is fine now. That wilful denial, that dismissal and invalidation of breastfeeding grief was absolutely devastating.
The white knight I needed, and eventually got was genuine, meaningful, compassionate breastfeeding support.
I still needed to use formula because of the nature of our problems, but it was never a white knight for me. It was an intervention that came with profound side effects on my mental health, and something I needed a great deal of support to come to terms with. Support that I only ever got from breastfeeding supporters. Everyone else was too busy trying to sell me on how wonderful formula was.
And I am not alone.
Stories like mine are just as common, and just as real, and just as valid as the positive accounts of formula feeding. But our stories often go unheard and untold.
If a mother wants to stop breastfeeding that's fine, and she should absolutely be supported in that.
But if a mother wants to breastfeed then do the work, listen to her, find her support to help her overcome whatever difficulties she's experiencing.
But don't push formula on her like it's Prince Charming on his noble steed, because for a lot of us it's just a prat wrapped in tinfoil.
