26/02/2022
As a survivor of child sexual abuse, I lost a lot of my years trying to find justice, break stigma and pursuing a career as a psychologist when I was suffering mentally myself. I had depression, suicidal, had PTSD and almost at the brink of insanity. I got to see the darkest and the most unfair parts of this world, because I got to see how the world reacted when I chose to be brave and speak up. It’s tough, I needed time to understand the world and the world needed time to catch up with my courage. For a long time I felt like a failure and didn’t have anything that was mine. My deepest desire in life is to feel loved, find love and have a family just like everyone else. However, I held on to core beliefs (e.g. feeling unworthy, not pure enough) that held me back from allowing myself to want these things. It took me a long time to love me the way I do now. No one in this world would love me or feel my pain like I do. No one can know what I need more than me. I just had to be honest with myself and be loving towards me. I’ve grown up telling myself “girls like me don’t get fairytales”. Sometimes I think that god never created a man who can see how beautiful I am inside. I’ve only met the ones that see me as flesh and skin. I know there are good men out in the world but I don’t know if I’ll ever get to meet one. So I say screw that! If I don’t get the traditional kind of fairytale then that’s ok. I’m going to give myself an empire. It’s ok if I don’t have my own children, the whole world is filled with my children. Im going to love them just as much as I love myself. My will is so powerful, even fate will have to bend a little.
Always love,
Harshy ❤️
