Totally Frank

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Totally Frank

Real support for neurodivergent families, grounded in lived experience, emotional education & ND-friendly homeschooling. About Totally Frank

Hi, I’m Sophie.

Totally Frank combines emotional regulation, sensory tools & flexible strategies to create safety, connection & stability at home. I’m a mum of two autistic and ADHD boys, a late-diagnosed ADHD woman, and a long-term homeschool parent who never planned to homeschool - until we had to. Our family stepped away from school when it became clear it was doing more harm than good. What followed wasn’t a quick fix, but a real deschooling process - for our kids, and for us as parents. For the past nine years, I’ve lived the day-to-day reality of neurodivergent family life: burnout, nervous system overload, demand avoidance, sleep struggles, and the slow work of rebuilding trust in learning and in ourselves. I’m not a clinician, and I don’t teach rigid models or one-size-fits-all solutions. Everything shared through Totally Frank comes from lived experience - what helped, what didn’t, and what we adapted along the way. Totally Frank exists to support neurodivergent families who are navigating emotional overwhelm, school refusal, and homeschooling out of necessity, not ideology. Here, you’ll find grounded guidance around emotional regulation, nervous system support, gentle routines, sensory tools, and flexible learning - shared honestly and without judgement. You don’t need to have it all figured out to begin. You just need a place where your reality makes sense.

22/01/2026

Gentle Sensory Anchors During Transitions

During periods of change, predictability matters more than productivity.

Transitions - like school holidays, shifting routines, or thinking about what comes next - can be unsettling for neurodivergent nervous systems, even when the change is welcome.

In these moments, it’s often the small, predictable things that help kids feel steadier.

Familiar routines. Repeated cues. Sensory experiences that signal safety and consistency.

This doesn’t have to be complicated. A regular morning rhythm. A calming evening routine.

Familiar scents, sounds, or activities that anchor the day.

These gentle sensory anchors don’t fix emotions or remove uncertainty - but they do help nervous systems feel held while things are in flux.

If everything feels a bit unsettled right now, you don’t need big plans. Sometimes consistency in the small things is what creates enough safety to get through transitions.

20/01/2026

Exploring Options Isn’t the Same as Choosing One

Exploring options doesn’t mean you’ve made a decision.

When parents start looking at alternatives - different schooling options, reduced attendance, flexible arrangements, or homeschooling - it can feel loaded. As though curiosity itself is a commitment.

But exploring is not deciding. Researching is not locking anything in. Wondering “what if?” doesn’t mean “this is it.”

For many families, exploring options is simply part of understanding what might better support their child’s nervous system and wellbeing.

You’re allowed to gather information without having all the answers. You’re allowed to think things through slowly. You’re allowed to hold multiple possibilities at once.

Exploration creates clarity - not obligation. And giving yourself permission to explore is often what reduces the pressure enough to think clearly.

If you’re quietly looking at options right now, you’re not jumping ahead. You’re doing what thoughtful, caring parents do.

15/01/2026

Why January Brings Clarity and Guilt

January often brings clarity - and guilt - at the same time.

As pressure eases, some parents start to notice things more clearly. Kids may seem calmer. Lighter. More themselves. And alongside that clarity can come an unexpected wave of guilt.

If they’re doing better now, did we overreact?
What if things weren’t really that bad?
What if going back undoes this?

This internal conflict is incredibly common. Relief can sit right next to doubt, especially when you’ve spent so long questioning your own judgement.

Clarity doesn’t mean the past wasn’t hard. And it doesn’t mean you were wrong to be concerned. It simply means you’re seeing your child in a different context.

Guilt often shows up when parents care deeply and have been under sustained pressure for a long time. It’s not a sign you’ve misread the situation - it’s a sign you’re human.

If you’re holding both relief and self-doubt right now, you’re not alone. January has a way of surfacing truths and emotions at the same time.

13/01/2026

The Pressure to Decide Before February

January often comes with pressure to decide - before nervous systems are ready.

As February approaches, many parents feel the weight of needing an answer. About school. About support. About what comes next.

Enrollment deadlines, planning meetings, paperwork, and well-meaning questions can all create a sense of urgency - even when kids are still recovering from the year that was.

The problem isn’t that parents don’t care or aren’t thinking things through. It’s that big decisions are often being asked for while families are still in a state of emotional overload.

When nervous systems are dysregulated, clarity is harder to access. Everything feels heavier, more urgent, and more final than it actually is.

You don’t need certainty in January to move forward thoughtfully. Sometimes the most supportive thing you can do is slow the timeline and let regulation lead.

If you’re feeling pressured to decide before you feel ready, you’re not behind - you’re responding to the reality of your family’s capacity.

08/01/2026

When Calm Starts to Appear, It’s Information

When calm starts to appear, it’s not a coincidence - it’s information.

For many neurodivergent kids, regulation doesn’t return all at once. It shows up in small, quiet ways, often after weeks of reduced pressure.

It might look like better sleep.
More flexibility.
Fewer explosive moments.
A child who seems lighter, even briefly.

This doesn’t mean everything is suddenly “fine,” and it doesn’t mean you need to draw big conclusions yet.

It simply tells us something important: when demands ease, nervous systems often begin to settle.

That information matters - not so you can rush to decisions, but so you can understand what your child’s system needs more of.

If you’re noticing small shifts like this, you’re not imagining it. You’re seeing regulation begin to return, in its own time.

06/01/2026

January Is Recovery, Not an Instant Fix

January is often a recovery period, not a reset - not a sign that kids are suddenly okay just because school has stopped.

When school finishes, many parents expect things to improve quickly. But for neurodivergent kids, the end of term doesn’t automatically bring relief.

There’s often a long tail of exhaustion - especially after months of pushing through environments that required constant regulation.

And for many families, holidays aren’t truly low-demand. There are holiday programs, changed routines, different carers, social expectations, and the ongoing pressure of working parents trying to hold everything together.

So if things still feel wobbly right now, it doesn’t mean nothing’s helping. It often means nervous systems are only just starting to come down from sustained stress.

Recovery doesn’t happen the moment school ends. It happens slowly, unevenly, and often later than we expect.

If January feels more like decompression than relief, that’s not a problem to fix - it’s information worth paying attention to.

02/01/2026

Homeschooling as Protection, Not Ideology

For many neurodivergent families, homeschooling isn’t a philosophy - it’s protection.

It’s often framed as a lifestyle choice or an educational preference. But for families living with school refusal, burnout, or ongoing nervous system overload, it’s rarely about ideals.

It’s about reducing harm.
It’s about creating safety.
It’s about giving a child’s system room to recover.

We didn’t step away from school because we rejected education. We stepped away because our children couldn’t remain regulated in that environment.

Homeschooling, for us, became a way to protect nervous systems, rebuild trust, and allow learning to return without pressure.

If you’ve found yourself here without planning to be, you’re not radical or unrealistic. You’re responding to what your child needs - and that’s valid.

30/12/2025

Regulation Before Learning

Learning doesn’t come back until safety does.

When kids are overwhelmed, learning is often the first thing to disappear. Not because they don’t care or aren’t capable - but because their bodies are busy trying to cope.

In those moments, pushing schoolwork usually makes things harder. Stress rises, connection drops, and everyone ends the day exhausted.

What helped us was shifting our focus. Instead of asking “How do we get learning happening?” we started asking “What helps our kids feel safe enough to engage?”

That meant slowing down, reducing pressure, and paying attention to nervous systems - not outcomes.

Over time, something changed. Curiosity started to return. Engagement followed. Learning came back quietly, without being forced.

If things feel stuck right now, it doesn’t mean learning is lost. It may just be waiting for safety to come first.

26/12/2025

The Fear Beneath School Refusal

School refusal doesn’t just affect a child - it destabilises an entire family.

For parents, the fear often goes far beyond education. It becomes about work, income, routines, identity, and how life is supposed to function when school is no longer an option.

Can we do this?
How will we work?
What happens financially?
What if this never changes?

Most parents are trying to make huge, life-altering decisions while already exhausted, emotionally flooded, and under constant pressure to “fix” the situation.

When school refusal enters a family, it’s not just a practical problem - it shakes the foundations of safety and certainty for everyone involved.

This was our experience too. The fear wasn’t abstract or dramatic - it was quiet, relentless, and sitting underneath every decision we had to make.

If you’re carrying this weight, you’re not weak or overreacting. You’re responding to real uncertainty while trying to protect your child and hold your family together at the same time.

23/12/2025

School Refusal as a Nervous System Response

School refusal isn’t about avoiding learning - it’s about avoiding overwhelm.

When a child refuses school, it’s often framed as anxiety, behaviour, or lack of motivation.

But for many neurodivergent kids, it’s a nervous system that simply can’t tolerate the environment anymore.

The noise, the pace, the expectations, the social pressure - even when a child wants to cope, their body may already be in fight, flight, or shutdown before the day begins.

At that point, attendance stops being about willingness and starts being about capacity.

This was our reality. When school refusal entered our lives, everything narrowed down to survival - getting through mornings, managing distress, and trying to hold everyone together.

School refusal isn’t a failure to engage. It’s a signal that something isn’t safe or sustainable for that child’s nervous system.

If you’re living this, you’re not dealing with a “school problem” or a “parenting problem.” You’re responding to a child whose system is overwhelmed - and that matters.

19/12/2025

Parent Blame & Nervous Systems

When kids struggle, parents are often the ones who get blamed.

Not always directly - sometimes it’s subtle. A raised eyebrow. A suggestion to “try something different.” A comment about routines, timing, or consistency.

You bring them to school too early.
Then it’s too late.
You support too much.
Then not enough.

When you’re already exhausted, overwhelmed, and doing everything you can to keep your child regulated, that constant judgement can push you to breaking point.

We lived this during school refusal, when the focus narrowed to attendance and every decision felt scrutinised. Even now, I sometimes ask our psychologist to remind me that yes - this really is that hard.

Parents don’t fail because they’re doing something wrong. They struggle because they’re carrying too much, often without
support.

If you’ve ever doubted yourself in these moments, you’re not weak or overreacting. You’re responding to sustained pressure - and your nervous system matters too.

17/12/2025

Behaviour Is Communication

When kids can’t regulate, behaviour becomes the message.

What often gets labelled as “challenging behaviour” is usually a nervous system under too much pressure - overwhelmed, flooded, or pushed beyond capacity.

From the outside, it can look like defiance, refusal, or meltdowns. Inside, it’s often fear, exhaustion, sensory overload, or a child who has run out of ways to cope.

Behaviour isn’t something children choose when they’re regulated. It’s what happens when regulation is no longer possible.

This was something we learned the hard way when school refusal entered our lives and everything narrowed down to one goal - just getting through the day.

When we stopped trying to fix behaviour and started listening to what it was telling us, things slowly began to shift. Not overnight, but enough to change the direction we were heading.

If this sounds familiar, you’re not failing your child. Their behaviour is communication - and you’re already doing more than you realise by trying to understand it.

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