03/11/2025
📷 Dec 2011 - the birth of my first, Sydney private hospital, one day postpartum.
I forgive the young woman I was —
the one who didn’t know there was another way, who believed an older man had to be the expert of her body and pregnancy.
I forgive her for not knowing what questions to ask,
for accepting not feeling heard,
for listening to advice over intuition,
for agreeing to unnecessary interventions,
and for believing that private obstetric care would keep her and her baby safe —
and that she wasn’t worthy of more.
At the time, I celebrated my births as an achievement —
as if avoiding intervention was the goal.
Since becoming a doula and walking women through the birth portal, I’ve grieved the missed experience of what could have been — the deeper psycho-social and emotional journey that birth offers when women are truly and deeply cared for.
The families I’ve supported and the midwives I’ve worked alongside have widened my eyes, opened my heart,
and in that, I’ve found my own healing.
~~~~~
I make peace
with all the women
I once was.
I lay flowers
at their feet.
I offer them incense,
and honey,
and forgiveness.
I honor them
and give them my silence.
I listen.
I bless them
and let them be.
For they are the bones
of the temple
I sit in now.
For they are
the rivers of wisdom
leading me
toward the sea.
I Have Been a Thousand Different Women
(first-person adaptation by Emory Hall) 🪶
