25/11/2025
𝗗𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗗𝗮𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁𝗲𝗿- 𝗔 𝗴𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗳 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗻𝘆 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲
As you reach the end of what was meant to be your primary school years, I find myself holding a kind of grief most people will never understand.
It's the grief of watching your child grow up outside the system - not by choice, but because the system was never built for their nervous system, their wiring, their needs.
Over the last six years, while other children moved through the world with ease,
we were struggling just to leave the house.
Just to get dressed.
Just to feel safe in environments that overwhelmed you.
Just to breathe through demands that felt impossible.
My daughter’s PDA meant the world felt bigger, louder, heavier.
Where society assumed “won't", I witnessed "can't"
where attendance, effort and behaviour were pushed, I saw distress, exhaustion and a child trying in a system that expects her to fit in. she was simply trying to survive
And so we missed things..
We missed an education
We missed friendships that are built around attendance
We missed photo day
We missed excursions, community moments, celebrations and now - The graduation that should have included you and the childhood you should have been able to enjoy.
And now, standing at the end of her primary years, I can feel the grief of everything we missed:
The milestones we didn’t reach.
The memories everyone else assumes are a guarantee.
But here’s what I also know:
My daughter has a strength most will never understand.
Her journey hasn’t been easy, but it has been brave.
She has survived a system that wasn’t built for PDA kids — a system that asked her to conform instead of understanding her wiring, her pace, her needs.
And through all the grief, there’s something beautiful too:
✨ She is still becoming exactly who she is meant to be.
✨ She has learned resilience by surviving a world that often misunderstands you
✨ A bond between us built on understanding, safety, unconditional love & attunement.
This isn't grief about you.
It's grief about what you weren't given access to that others were.
Our children are extraordinary
they are Brave
And they have already achieved more than anyone could imagine simply by being themselves in a world that said we we're too much & asked us to be someone else.
To other PDA parents who are quietly carrying this same grief:
You’re not alone.
Your story matters.
And even without the typical milestones, your love has built something extraordinary.
www.beyondthesurface.au
