18/05/2022
Many of us, when it comes to s*xuality, tend to do what we think we should do rather than what we’d like to be doing. We get stuck in ruts and disconnect from our imaginations. We would love to experience new things with our partners but we can be afraid to invite ourselves or them. A minor annoyance or a major impasse can both be catalysts for shutting down s*xually. Sometimes we’re “not in the mood;” other times we wonder if we’ve lost what once made us desirable to our partners.
We tend to think of these as s*xual issues, but really, it’s an erotic dilemma. Contrary to what we are taught, eroticism isn’t purely s*xual; it is s*xuality transformed and socialized by the human imagination. The imagination creates the plot. Flirtation, longing, and anticipation all play within our mind’s eye, where our erotic faculties live. And eroticism itself is a time machine. It’s activated by the pains and pleasures of our complicated pasts. It breeds hope and possibilities for the future. It makes us feel alive and utterly present.
Don’t know what I mean? Think about a favorite activity. Let’s say, you love to play soccer, tennis, or ping-pong. Last time, you won your game. Thinking about that win gets you excited about the next time you’ll play. At home, you wash your gear. You text your teammates to schedule practice. You check the weather. There’s a whole ritual that builds anticipation.
So why, when it comes to s*x, do people seem to think that just saying “do you want to have s*x” after doing the dishes is a sufficient warm up? Play ball, people!
Engaging in eroticism enables us to maintain a sense of aliveness, vibrancy, and vitality. As Octavio Paz has implied, eroticism is the poetry of the body the way that poetry is the eroticism of language. Don’t let a difficult phase be a death sentence for your s*x life or your relationship. Together, you can come through it.
Visit my blog “Bringing Home the Erotic” through the link below for five ways to create meaningful connections with your partner. https://bit.ly/3LnHah0
