19/11/2025
This month in my professional book club, we read Fight Right by John and Julie Gottman. Although the book is written for couples, I find myself referencing it constantly when supporting anyone in building better communication skills — relationships, friendships, co-workers, and even the way we talk to ourselves.
One idea that really stood out for me was the concept of perpetual fights.
The Gottmans remind us that not every conflict is meant to be solved. Some disagreements are rooted in long-standing values, histories, personality traits, or life experiences — which means they won’t magically disappear with one perfect conversation.
Instead of seeing this as discouraging, I actually find it deeply validating.
It gives permission for things to be imperfect.
It creates space for grace.
It reminds us that “unsolved” doesn’t mean “failing.”
When we understand that some conflicts are perpetual, the goal shifts from fixing to communicating. When we communicate more effectively — with curiosity, gentleness, and clarity — these long-standing disagreements become easier to navigate. They feel less heavy, less personal, and more manageable.
It’s not about winning or reaching a perfect solution.
It’s about staying connected through the messiness.
And honestly? That’s a skill set every relationship can benefit from — romantic or not.
If you’ve read Fight Right, I’d love to hear your thoughts. And if you haven’t, this is a book worth keeping on your shelf.
