Full Circle Parenting

08/16/2023

My thoughts on the Barbie movie. I think it’s so important, especially for teenagers, and here’s why.

The point of the movie is that society sends confusing messages that are gender-based. Part of the essential developmental process of a human being is to look and listen beyond the family to cultural messages so that we can learn how to be a part of our own culture. Teenagers must go through this, and they become especially vulnerable to those messages during the teen years, even if they haven’t ever heard messages like that at home. We humans must define ourselves and explore identity to become fully human, and we do this in the context of our culture. These are natural, essential, human developmental processes. As adults, we can be stuck, not having completed these processes, or we may have grown through them in a healthy way, but either way, these processes are required for us to grow up.

Young people are growing up in a soup of contradictory messages and expectations so beautifully laid out in the Barbie movie. All of us have to navigate that soup throughout our lives. Some of us are better prepared than others to navigate the soup and not drown.

Clearly articulating the messages matters. It helps people navigating the soup to understand what’s happening to them and to move towards a place where they can be at choice, not just responding on autopilot out of self-defense and overwhelm.

The metaphor of the monologue waking up and empowering the Barbies to see their situation is exactly what happens when internalized messages are articulated - it can kick off a powerful psychological healing process and empower people to choose to behave and engage differently. Teenagers of all genders need this. This movie tells girls - and boys - what messages they are receiving from the culture so that they can choose to act differently than those messages tell them to.

It is about stepping into your own power and being able to live from your own values rather than unconsciously either following or rebelling against unarticulated subtle or not-so-subtle societal messages.

This movie is a masterpiece that enthusiastically questions the messages and is a must-see for teenagers and adults of all genders.

What are your thoughts?

06/27/2023

A friend was recently wondering about what to do on the playground when another child was mimicking his child. How to interact with other people’s kids is a common conundrum for parents, and how we handle these types of situations is how we build the village that raises all of our children effectively. Here are my thoughts on what to do…

First, I would NOT assume the child is “a bully”. Younger children may not even realize they’re doing something wrong or hurtful, and older children are exhibiting a learned behaviour that may be easily redirected. So, look for the child’s positive motive and try to help them get what they’re wanting by engaging them. Hint: their motive is probably to engage with your child or with you.

I’d first interrupt the behaviour by making eye contact and smiling and cheerfully saying something like, “You said that just like she did!” Then I’d immediately distract the child towards a positive behaviour and positive interaction. “Would you like a turn to slide?”

If that doesn’t work and the child continues (unlikely), I’d get down on their level, look in their eyes and say, “I’ve heard enough of that. If you’d like to continue repeating, please go far enough away that we don’t hear it. If you’d like to play with us, you can ask, “Can I play with you?””

Most children will correct their behaviour immediately if you tell them what they can do instead by using “You can…”

Instead of hitting, “You can say, ‘I didn’t like that. Please talk to me nicely.’” Instead of pushing, “You can say, ‘Please give me space.’” Etc. It’s all about finding their positive motive and helping them get it through positive behaviour, rather than jumping to the conclusion that they’re a “bad kid” and that the best solution is to chastise them.

06/14/2023

I recently read a parent’s note that they weren’t sure Montessori was worth it anymore now that there is free preschool in California.

The benefits of Montessori are SO worth it! A good Montessori classroom delivers a whole range of learning that doesn’t happen in typical preschool. The focus on independence means that children develop a much, much higher level of executive function skills, which are the main skills that result in success and happiness as an adult. They include the ability to concentrate, which is actually a learned skill intentionally practiced in a Montessori classroom - and we all know that the ability to concentrate is especially needed these days! Additionally, the advanced academics in a Montessori classroom mean that children are less likely to experience issues learning to read, write, and do math.

Different schools follow the method more or less closely, but the benefits of good Montessori are very clear.

Anyone else have an opinion on whether it’s worth it?

06/10/2023

There is a myth that if parents just speak respectfully to their children, this is enough to result in children that are respectful in return. This isn’t the case. Children also need clear expectations and firm boundaries.

If you set clear expectations and enforce firm boundaries AND speak respectfully, this combination will teach your children to be respectful in return.

Do you agree?

06/08/2023

Facebook peeps, this is the official announcement that I am back after many years of taking information in. I’m ready to again connect and share my thoughts and hear yours. I’ve missed my Facebook community, and I’m excited to reconnect!

I’m open to parenting coaching clients, school consulting clients, or to work as a head of school or director of admissions at a Montessori school. Please feel free to DM me to connect personally.

06/06/2023

How to teach grit:

First, give your child highly motivating activities at exactly their level (not too difficult), then explicitly teach the steps of how to complete the activity, then let them practice independently. When issues arise, show them exactly how to deal with them so they know for next time. Example: food preparation in a Montessori classroom, like egg-slicing or mandarin-peeling.

Next, set the example and tell your child the stories of what you’ve done to be gritty.

Third, teach a saying that symbolizes grit in your family. Example: “When something is hard, you may have to try a lot of times!” Repeat often when appropriate.

Most of all, your child has to feel success after doing something difficult. Once they have done that, keep telling that story to inspire them to do it again. “I remember the time Kavya couldn’t find the egg slicer, so she looked in the drawer and it wasn’t there, then she looked in the cupboard and it wasn’t there, then she looked in the other drawer and it wasn’t there, then she looked in the sink and it wasn’t there. She didn’t give up and she didn’t give up and she didn’t give up!!! Finally, she looked in dishwasher and there it was!”

This is how you teach grit.

09/03/2018

This is a great article to help with some of the nuances in a Montessori classroom or your home. These are the little details that make a huge difference.

In this short, little known, but highly influential and impactful text, Maria Montessori lays out some words of advice for teachers: “Anticipating some of the questions which will certainly be put to me, I shall give some recommendations regarding mistakes which I have observed during my visits to...

05/13/2018

Happy Mother’s Day to all the moms who inspire me to grow beyond my own inadequacy. Today and every day, may the joys and the pains of motherhood open your hearts to all of the growth and love of humanity’s reality. May each of your children grow beyond you, and may you see the ways in which your own wisdom is reflected and amplified in their lives. And may you get breakfast in bed. 😉❤️

09/06/2017

Here is a GREAT way to start a movement in your child's social circle so that parents can work together to figure out a solution to the when-should-I-get-my-child-a-smartphone and but-if-I-don't-she'll-be-a-social-outcast issues. Share this far and wide!

Let kids be kids a little longer Wait Until 8th Take the pledge

08/26/2017

Hey! I just added a review button to my page!

08/26/2017

I just finished a Skype coaching call with a wonderful family with a 1-year-old son. The mom has just started back at work and we've been working together to prepare her little one for the transition to sleeping enough to make work work for mom and dayhome work for babe. Here's what she said was most helpful:

*I've noticed that as soon as I take my mind off him going to sleep, he goes to sleep!
*Understanding the cycle of nursing and peeing and how that affects sleep has been super-helpful.
*Remembering that communicating clearly with my son helps him adjust to changes, even though he can't yet talk.
*The combination of you (the coach) sharing your wisdom and expertise and your encouraging us (the parents) to use our knowledge of our son to figure out how it applies to our situation has really empowered us.
*I love that when we're done every call, we have the next step planned! In the moment, I don't feel stressed because I know that what I'm doing is good for him and good for us, not just my reaction in the moment.

07/05/2017

I just finished a lovely coaching call with mama and papa of a beautiful 10-month-old baby boy. They told me the most helpful thing we talked about was that all the micro-nursing during the night would cause a full bladder and a wetter diaper that would wake him up more frequently. They also said that the plan we came up with together felt intuitively like what they wanted to do, but they hadn't been able to clarify the steps before to make the transition in a gentle way. We talked a lot about giving baby the tools to manage the change in a confident way.

03/20/2017

This article makes an important point. Children need to have an ever-increasing degree of freedom, and opportunities to practice responsibility, experience risk, and test out their own abilities. To read more about this, I recommend the book, "Free Range Kids." It's a really important conversation!

On a cold morning, a mother went out to her driveway to warm up her car. She turned the key, switched on the heat, buckled her 4-year-old daughter into her car seat in the back, and ran back inside to retrieve her other child.When she returned moments later her driveway was empty.Her car, and her da...

11/09/2016

What to tell the children...Tell them that history is a long, long time, and that 100 years ago, women couldn't vote, and now we know better and do better. Give them 1000 examples of how we're learning as a human race, and let them know we still have a ways to go. Tell them that we - each of us - has the right and the privilege to choose our own actions, to set the example of how we want the world to be. And let them know that they are not alone - that many, many others are doing the same, that sometimes there are setbacks on the road, but that each of us - each and every one is us - can make a difference. Tell them, most of all, that everyone's voice matters, and show them examples of how one person's voice has changed the world. Speak hope, my love, in the context of history.

“This is how the future voted. This is what people 18-25 said in casting their votes. We must keep this flame alight and nurture this vision.”

11/09/2016

What to tell the children...Tell them that history is a long, long time, and that 100 years ago, women couldn't vote, and now we know better and do better. Give them 1000 examples of how we're learning as a human race, and let them know we still have a ways to go. Tell them that we - each of us - has the right and the privilege to choose our own actions, to set the example of how we want the world to be. And let them know that they are not alone - that many, many others are doing the same, that sometimes there are setbacks on the road, but that each of us - each and every one is us - can make a difference. Tell them, most of all, that everyone's voice matters, and show them examples of how one person's voice has changed the world. Speak hope, my love, in the context of history.

09/04/2016

I just found this article from last summer! What a pleasure to come across this. :)

My wife will tell it a little differently, but here’s how it all began for me. “I heard about a really great parenting course,” she announced, as I sat on the couch reading. & #822…

03/18/2016

Back to the woods.....

It was the kid with the rocks that finally did it for Matthew Browning. Browning was a ranger at Mount Mitchell State Park in North Carolina, and along ...

12/29/2015

Remember that the best age to talk to your child about the basic workings of sexuality is around the same time that they can understand the basic workings of digestion - around 4 or 5. This way, you avoid the "yuck" response of an older child and give a strong foundational understanding in the miraculous and beautiful process of making a new life!