11/20/2025
Early this morning it was quiet and peaceful. I was reading.
I could feel my mind pulling me into the “doing” of the day, but my body wanted to stay in the “being.”
Soon, I started to faintly smell cigarette smoke.
I could sense the presence of a soul. A soul I knew in this lifetime.
They wanted to communicate, but I resisted.
I eventually found my way to the yoga mat.
Pulled to a practice focused on the heart chakra.
About 15 minutes in, my right arm gave out.
My body brought me to stillness and made me listen.
Made me connect fully with my body, my feelings and who wanted to connect with me.
I allowed it.
My body felt it all. Gage, anger, resentment, blame, unworthiness.
I breathed. I cried.
I yelled. Whaled. And cried again.
I saw the connection with this soul has a string of yarn, tied in a bow in my right heart space. I pulled the tail of the bow and allowed it to release.
I breathed. I cried.
My mind wanted to pull me into thought and into the “doing.”
But I said no, put my hands on my heart and challenged myself to stay with my feelings.
Emotions rose from deep within me of how I have mistreated people in my life. How others have mistreated me. The awareness of how they are intertwined started to illuminate.
I saw the part of me that caused harm. I accepted myself.
I continued to feel until it had fully moved through me.
I am still processing. Working on letting go and offering forgiveness to the soul who so deeply impacted my life.
This is the work. Right here.
All the other layers I’ve peeled back and healed over the years have created the capacity within me to move through this experience.
I have learned to hold space for myself. Love myself. Accept myself and that my emotions are safe.
