01/03/2026
A year of significant movement and change. But isn't that how it always goes??
This year, I taught more than I have in any year since having kids, which has been a whole evolution and re-strengthening in itself.
It's nice to feel 'out of the woods' so to speak, from the whirlwind of 'postpartum' that seems to take a good three years of recovery.
(Shouldn't it, though? It is, after all, a momentous time in life, a complete and utter transformation that seems impossible to process until you're looking back in the rearview mirror. The impatience of it all is something else… or rather my impatience of it all.
And truly, at the beginning of the year, I couldn't have imagined not only teaching all that I did, but what I did among 'regular life', yet Kali gifted me a capacity.
Which I did not realize till far later. I don't consider myself as in relationship with Kali, nor have I taken the time to cultivate such a relationship and if I'm being honest, I keep my fair distance... but there it was…mantra sadhana does many things.
And in truth, it must be from a past life because it certainly couldn't have been fully from this one????
Durga, who feels like a beloved, took that capacity and propelled me forward at a speed that was not of April proportions…
Every time a new idea arose, the words “If fear is the reason you don’t take steps forward, that’s not a reason at all.” poured in.
An unbinding of too many decades of inhibition… yet my huma-ness remains, and I still see the 'fear' …the ropes just aren't as tight.
…Mantra sadhana does many things.
I found renewed reverence for being taught from a teacher with a lineage that didn't fall in the throws of modern yoga, surface mindfulness, movement masked as yoga.
Each year, that lineage seems to subtly transform my view of the maps in the body that cannot be seen from the single plane we've been taught to trust so much.
We let go of our 'place at the lake'.
This place taught me about nature in ways I could not have learned otherwise. Wind directions, sunrises and sunsets, and the dimensional behaviour of elements. There were good lessons.
The letting go also pulled at threads of grief from decades gone by... the walls, the buildings, sheds, and spare rooms became a place of storage, a collection of times from family members long lost…
Itsy bitsy ballet shoes, newspaper clippings of accomplishments, faded ink of black and white, childhood stuffies, heirlooms and more quaintly buried in chests…… (still waiting for me to go through and somehow resurrect??) (29 years for resolution to become).
In the enjoyment of my maya took a trip to San Fran to see the best concert of all time 😆.
The first time both of us have left the kids at the same time. And likely the last… YOU go, I go, but it seems impossible to go together 🙃
…Maya is good 😉
And then, probably the most surprising of all inner and outer journeys this year… Auset (Isis) called me to Egypt…
The only thing I can say is that Karma took me there.
A building of a relationship with Śakti and the Devī.
Auset showed me a warming and a protection, Het-Heru (Hathor) taught me the resonance of the mother, restored the healing of my childhood, and surely made me a better mother (even in my realness and rather ridiculous impatience).
I would love to write more about this, and maybe I will... but in truth, the processing is still unfolding. (and I'm always way over Instagrams character count 😒)
The last months of the year were intense, wild, and at times, a yogini quietly tip toeing around eggshells amidst painful emotions of gratitude and memories for the life that has been lived.
Is sentimental the format of aging…if it is, it's in the feeling of my being while I simultaneously watch as the witness of a rather intriguing and equally boring play.
Life is good.
Let's see what happens next year. 🪔🙏🏼
