08/10/2022
The smile always tells the truth…or the one that’s missing.
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Do you know how embarrassing this is? It actually gives me so much anxiety and makes me feel like I completely failed. Not only myself, but those watching!
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I screamed from the roof tops that I was changed. That if I could do this, anyone could. And look at me now.
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It took me 2 years to lose 65 pounds
It took me 2 years to gain 30 back
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F**k!
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The best shape I had ever been in was May 2020. Who knew a pandemic would throw me back 2 years. Holy man it’s been rough. Between working in the health industry during a global pandemic, a ton of mental health issues and a struggling marriage, I guess if 30 pounds is what I get out of it, I’ll consider myself lucky.
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But in all seriousness, this sucks ass. Taking this picture just sucked. But it didn’t suck as bad as when I took it the first time. And I have no doubt it won’t be the last. You’d think feeling this way would outweigh what gets me to this point but apparently Doritos wins every damn time.
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Anyway, here is where we are now and it’s not where I’m about to stay. We had an incredible summer with the kids. We made a ton of memories and my heart is so full. But inside I was crying and miserable. I was uncomfortable and hot and heavy. I was tugging at my clothes or wearing too much for the temperature. I fell back into old patterns of avoiding friends or making plans. Flat out miserable. It’s just not worth it. My family deserves the happiest me and this isn’t it.
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To some it’s “just weight” and to those who get it know that’s it’s truly so much more. It stops you from living. From being who you know you are.
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Im asking for your help again! Hold me accountable and remind me what I want most, not what I want right now! Remind me that I can do this and that I am capable and deserving. I can do this!
