Bee.In.Harmony

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Just an AuDHD teacher using somatic activities to provide AFFIRMING and AFFORDABLE care to neurodivergent adults / teens and to help them develop their personal skills
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03/02/2026

It's Masking Monday!

What are the ways you've hidden your neurodivergent needs?

For me, sound sensitivity is huge.

I honestly don't know how I managed to hide the fact that noise is incredibly painful and distracting...

Scratch that. I hid the pain fairly well, but the distracting?...

Not so well.

"First word, second word, third word, hills, fifth word, sixth word, seventh word, eighth word, ninth word, slippery."

"Oh yeah, snowboarding can be really difficult to do!"

"...Bee... I was talking about my trip to Collingwood last SUMMER."

The listening fatigue is real.

The pain management fatigue is actually more exhausting now because I can't -

read shouldn't

- wear my headset 100% of the time; at the very least not good for the health of my inner ears.

So around my house I don't wear them... But my house isn't that much quieter than the outside.

There is still so much noise, so much buzzing that pulls at my brain.

Enter masking technique I never realized was me masking: leaving the tv on at a volume that drowns out the other sounds and pulls my focus.

So tell me - what's a neurodivergent need you have, and how did / do you mask it?

Happy F**k-It Friday! What are the ways you break social conventions?I stopped caring about being on time.I learned grow...
02/27/2026

Happy F**k-It Friday! What are the ways you break social conventions?

I stopped caring about being on time.

I learned growing up that "being on time" meant being 5 to 20 minutes early.

But for most people in my life, I found that when I arrived that early that they weren't actually prepare for me.

Even if I walked into the door at the exact minute, people always appeared to be flustered, like they were still running around getting things ready.

I don't know if the times have shifted.

I don't know if I was just raised to be hyper conscious about time and in fact most people operate with the opposite understanding.

If they do, then I've been embracing joining them.

Because now, my goal is to arrive within 10 minutes of a start time.

Less pressure on me to worry about being perfectly on time, and more determination to allow myself to move at the pace that actually works for me, my body, my lifestyle, and my mindsets.

02/25/2026

Wednesday Affirmations:

You are allowed to exist as you are.

You can do this while also holding yourself accountable to any negative effects other people might experience by you,

but even then,

you do not owe an apology for your existence.

You don't even owe them an explanation.

People who attempt to hold you accountable

to their perception of you

and who don't understand that this is something you do not have to subscribe to

are people who haven't learned that holding another person accountable based on their perceptions is misguided

because every person is responsible for their own

emotions,
perceptions,
reactions,
mindsets.

This includes the fact that you are responsible for yours and for making sure they are in alignment with your authenticity.

Does this mean we ignore other people when they say, "You hurt me?"

No.

It means we recognize they are not capable of saying,

"I am hurt by you,"

and we offer empathy and accountability

instead of responsibility that isn't ours to own.

02/23/2026

It's Masking Monday, and today's subject is ADHD masking specifically:

I'm AuDHD with central APD and situational mutism.

I frequently talk about autism on this page;

it has been my psychological deep dive for the last 2 years, and because

autism
APD,
SM,
and AAC

are so closely linked, I've really focused on unmasking and accommodating myself in these areas.

Even though my ADHD realization came first, I didn't really understand what

ADHD masking was or even that it existed.

I didn't understand what it looked like, let alone what it felt like.

After all, I was just behaving as me, right?

I didn't realize that what I was actually masking were my ADHD needs:

- vestibular engagement

- proprioceptive engagement

- either dead silent or extremely loud environments, depending on focus required

- sensory stimulation for dopamine and somatic regulation

- freedom of access without stigma

And many others I'm still in the process of exploring.

________________

The reality is that just living our existence,

spending 5 minutes in another's presence,

already requires us to hide our needs.

ADHD demands that we

get up and move,

throw our bodies around and make hard impact,

babble to ourselves,

stimulate our vagus nerve constantly,

spontaneous task switching at OUR whimsy,

throw ourselves into things enthusiastically...

Just by sitting in a room with another person, I'm painfully aware that my

leg bouncing

potentially might be addressed by the other person who will ask me to stop it.

I can't just stand up and run to the other side of the room, tap on the wall in a fun rhythm, and then run back to my spot.

I can't just put on a song and scream the lyrics with it.

Not when I'm sharing space with another person when repeat experience has told me that not the

first time, but the
fifth,
sixth or
hundredth time...

It will be - I will be - too much for them.

________________

The closest I've come to that so far is with my neuroaffirming autistic partner, and even then,

my autistic needs,

which are very different than my ADHD needs,

are easily accommodated by them while my ADHD needs frequently throw them off.

This is a testament,

Not to the idea that my ADHD is too much for them,

but that I have clearly masked these ADHD needs just as hard as I used to mask my autistic ones. and that I will have to consistently stop minimizing them so my partner can acclimate and accept me fully.

________________

People don't have to tell us "you need to be perfect" in order for us to understand that there is a social pressure to "be perfect,"

and they don't understand:

it's not a behavioral choice, it's the equivalent of telling us to not be "who we are".

Every moment in nearly

every environment

!!SCREAMS!! at us,

"this is not a safe space for you to relax your control over your behavior."

________________

When I see parents of neurodivergent kids concerned that their child isn't spending time in the way they anticipate with other kids,

frequently opting to be by themselves...

I let them know that one the biggest parts of my healing process with societal-neurodivergent trauma

IS

spending time alone,
recharging with myself,
allowing myself to be as zany as I need to be for my ADHD

and as sensory-removed as my autism needs to be,

plus they both seek

sensory engagement
AND
hyperfocus...

It's so exhausting trying to explain to other people my needs,

let alone trying to defend why I need what I need in the way that I need it...

Can I compromise on these needs?

Well I can pretend to, yes.

But in doing so I end up not actually getting the need met, which means that after going through

all that effort

it almost would have been better to not try at all because the compromise is

a pale imitation of what I need.

________________

Once I have given myself plenty of me-time, to be as I naturally am without limits,

THEN I might potentially engage with other neuroaffirming people...

And these are the people who are the least likely to tell me to

change my behavior

and/or who see it as par-for-the-course.

With these people I do a second type of healing where I allow myself to naturally exist as I need

and of course as they need, working to build environments we can coexist in together that help us.

________________

Here is a neuroaffirming example of what that might look like that is not specific to ADHD -

I'm too early in the unmasking process to give a proper example of that just yet, but never you fear, it will be written about when it happens!

________________

The other night, my partner and one of our close friends and I were playing boardgames when I realized that as much as I still wanted to see this friend, I was still far too overstimulated from the day.

I asked if we could switch to texting, and they both immediately agreed, even though the one prefers speaking and the other prefers texting.

It was greatly appreciated to have a moment like that where we were all engaged together in the same room but not having a verbal demand to verbally engage.

We talked about how in the future this could look like

me wearing my headset to reduce outside sound,

all three of us texting,

and my friend who prefers speaking using voice chat to communicate.

________________

Help for ADHDers and autistics really is about finding neuroaffirming spaces and people,

and that starts by making sure your mindsets are drawing you to those types of people.

I highly recommend parents follow Neurodivergent Parenting: Think Outside The Box and The Occuplaytional Therapist to get started on that process.

For people who are autistic and/or ADHD, I also recommend:

The Autistic Self Advocacy Network

Actually Owltistic

The Autistic Teacher

Autism Goggles

Applesauceandadhd

NeuroWild

Neurodivergent Rebel

________________

If you've been patiently hanging onto today's writing prompt, I'm looking for ADHDers and AuDHDers specifically to represent ADHD here:

What are the ADHD needs you've been masking?

Which ones feel like they could belong to both autism and ADHD?

When is a time you felt your ADHD was accommodated fully?

It's Signing Sunday!!! Be sure to hop over to the discord for 6:30pm EST and sign Hi! (Happens every other Sunday @ 6:30...
02/22/2026

It's Signing Sunday!!!

Be sure to hop over to the discord for 6:30pm EST and sign Hi!

(Happens every other Sunday @ 6:30pm for half an hour or as long as people are engaged!)

https://discord.gg/d5VcvjCQc

02/20/2026

I'm not here to say things to help you feel more comfortable.

I'm here to say the things that you feel uncomfortable about.

Sometimes the things I say WILL bring you comfort;

And sometimes, the things I say you WILL be rubbed the wrong way.

When that happens, you have a choice:

To entertain why?...

Or to write me off for any number of reasons.

Either, your feelings, your perceptions, your reactions...

Aren't mine to own.

________________

What IS mine to own is the years I've invested in INTENSELY deep-diving into marginalized communities, addressing many of them from a deeply personal space because they are ones I realized I belong to, and more recently being intentional about exploring those that are less personal to me so I can understand the correct language, history, culture, and bigotry towards and in those communities.

Please note: it is not a one and done discussion. It is the experience of hours DAILY diving into support groups, following qualified therapists' accounts, following and participating in focus groups and research.

I don't visit a community for a day and then regurgitate based on what I've observed;

I ask questions. I internalize answers and stories. I reflect deeply using the numerous therapeutic and critical thinking strategies I've learned over my last 16 years as an educator.

And then, I ask more questions. I construct hypothesis and I confirm them with people who actually LIVE in the community, even if I myself BELONG to that community. Break the theory down. Reconstruct, solidify.

When I do share the results of my processes here, these results are conveyed with an ease of language thet comes from being immersed and well-versed in the rhetoric each community core advocates for.

I believe people SHOULD be doing this work to learn and apply it for the betterment of marginalized communities, not to discredit or disenfranchise them further;

That people should be running towards the light rather than hiding deep in the shadows, simply because they're uncomfortable by what they don't know they don't know.

As an ASL signer, this is spot on. When you assume that a signed language would be "too difficult to learn," you are dem...
02/19/2026

As an ASL signer, this is spot on.

When you assume that a signed language would be "too difficult to learn,"

you are demonstrating your lack of awareness and familiarity with how ASL syntax flows.

No shame! Here's a chance to learn better;

After all, why stay in that place when it means less community and support for you down the line?

___________________

ASL specifically has a concept-based syntax.

How do all human beings start learning language?

Through concepts: objects, verbs.

Relations and prepositions come shortly after, but even then,

many prepositions are phrased alternatively

or appear dropped because of how intuitive the movements are.

__________________

I'm going to explain what I mean, but also disclose that I do NOT teach ASL -

- I am nowhere near to that proficience,

nor do I desire to take up the space a Deaf person should take.

This example is for non-ASL users to understand the harm of not switching over to ASL as soon as possible.

__________________

The example: "help".

The non-dominant hand naturally held flat in front of your body, palm-side up;

The dominant hand resting on top of it in a fist/thumbs up position, turned on its side so your curled pinky is resting on your non-dominant hand.

__________________

When talking about the general concept of "help",

you might see this sign

moved
slightly
vertically
up

when there is no implied direct object (when there is no person/thing specifically being helped.)

But as soon as you put a direct object (ex help me), the movement changes

towards
the object or person
who is being helped.

"He help me" is even more eloquent; the sign starts slightly off to the side of your body, where you've indicated

"he" might be,
and you move the sign
towards
your body.

It's all very natural and eloquent.

__________________

But a person who has learnt

"Baby sign" described in the video,
SEE (signed exact language) or even
PSE (Pidgin signed English)

might think that a "more formal / adult expression" is to sign:

"He is giving help to me", which might look like:

"Baby Sign": He give me help.

SEE: He I-S give help T-O me

PSE: He give help me.

All 3 of these are clunky:

- give is implied in the ASL verb "help" and therefore provides extra confusion to fluent signers if you sign the verb give as well as the verb help.

- SEE straight up signs the English auxiliary verb "being", which is again confusing for natural language rhythms, and it signs the preposition that could have been communicated with a simple direction.

__________________

Especially for those who have not learned a first language, opting for ASL immediately makes far more sense than introducing a language that

a) takes more processing power,

b) takes longer to communicate need,

c) denies accessibility to the very non-speaker who needs it by holding English grammar standards to a person who doesn't have that programmed yet (or ever in some cases!)...

__________________

Not to mention it's a standard that DOESN'T apply!!!

ASL is NOT "an English language that happens to be signed";

It is its own distinct language with crucial behaviors that go against socionormative culture and behaviors.

That's WHY if you sign ASL, you are already closer to practicing Deaf culture than you are to practicing hearing culture.

Just be sure to add in ableism and historical education for yourself so you're not appropriating a culture.

Ironically, many "baby signers", SEE, and PSE signers neglect this step,

making these additional language-users more likely to be appropriating than not.

02/18/2026

Wednesday Affirmations:

You are who you are meant to be.

Will there be room for growth?

Of course.

Self-love is about accepting:

*who you were

*who you are

*choosing who you want to be

Am I controlling? Or am I actually managing my space, my actions, and my self-advocation in a way that accommodates my s...
02/18/2026

Am I controlling? Or am I actually managing my space, my actions, and my self-advocation in a way that accommodates my sensory, communicative, processing, and social needs?

You're welcome to say it's controlling, even though I'm doing nothing to control YOUR behavior.

I won't apologize for or compromise on what I need.

If that's a problem, please show yourself to the door so I can take care of it myself.

"But Bee, I don't know HOW to love myself? What does that even mean, nobody explains it!" Here you go. An actual checkli...
02/17/2026

"But Bee, I don't know HOW to love myself? What does that even mean, nobody explains it!"

Here you go.

An actual checklist.

Which ones resonate with you?

Which ones have you subconsciously been addressing?

Which ones did you miss completely?

For someone who was taught to invalidate their own neurodivergent needs since birth, boundary setting and learning to say yes / no were crucial for my self-love development.

02/16/2026

MASKING MONDAY TIME.

People think masking means hiding, lying, being untruthful...

While it can include those defense mechanisms, it's not so simply examined.

Most of my anxiety has come from being neurodivergent in an unsupportive and invalidating environment,

and my anxiety has propelled masking my social and sensory needs over the years.

Today's masking topic: sensory masking, specifically, ARFID

___________________

ARFID by definition requires trauma around food.

Healing the trauma around it is still not a guarantee...

But it's definitely the place to start.

For myself, steak was a HUGE one.

___________________

For years my mother insisted I clean my plate;

I didn't have control over what was on my plate,

I didn't get to control how much,

and she would put this

dry,
overly salted,

piece of bark on my plate that she claimed was steak

but was cooked more than well-done.

It was gross.

And as a kid, I didn't know better.

So I would sit there like a chipmunk, putting food into my cheeks because she would yell at me for not eating...

but this s**t was as tough as shoeleather.

___________________

She later tried to get me to eat it with ketchup,

but if I swallowed the ketchup too fast I'd be left with the dry part and we were quickly back to the same problem.

I started using milk to stall having to eat the meat,

and then I was so fed up one night that I took a piece of meat, started to chew, then washed it down with milk...

And it went right down.

Miracle!, I thought.

I did that for a few years, chewing only as much as I needed to get it down with the milk.

___________________

I spent a decade avoiding steak, hating it even being near my plate.

Cue my surprise when I'm a young adult going out to a nice dinner with my boyfriend at the time and he orders a steak...

And it's "bloody."

What the hell?! That's not a fully cooked steak?

Cue years of discussion with different people over what is actually a "good and safe" steak.

Mid-twenties I tried a medium rare piece...

So revolting, so chewy! I wanted throw up.

But wait, different chewy? Not too salty?

Shoot, how do I rip this apart with my teeth, this juicy piece that's tender? Resort again to milk method.

And take another bite, because it was actually kind of tasty.

___________________

Years later and now I enjoy a steak every now and then.

It's not frequent, and it has to be tender...

And most importantly,

MY CHOICE.

PDA is a defense mechanism that has served to save me from other people's

poor decisions,
abusive,
And/or toxic mistreatment.

___________________

Now imagine learning as an adult that I could have choked and died, eating this way.

Working through my ARFID has meant addressing trauma in two critical ways:

1) My choice. My consent. My autonomy.

2) My willingness to try something new,

Which only ever kicked in when I felt like

my sensory and social needs were not only respected,

but encouraged.

___________________

The worst part of my experiences with ARFID is that I learned to violate my own needs,

invalidate my own trauma,

put myself in danger with people-pleasing...

All to "make other people feel more comfortable."

Never again.

___________________

I highly recommend following ARFID-informed therapists online to gain better perspective.

One of the big ones:

Fed is best.

So tell me readers:

What are some subconscious mindsets around food have you had to address?

What ARFID experiences have you had?

Which ones started young? Later?

Did they disappear, or did they manifest more strongly later?

Address

London, ON

Opening Hours

Monday 11am - 4pm
Tuesday 11am - 4pm
Wednesday 11am - 4pm
Thursday 11am - 4pm
Sunday 11am - 4pm

Website

https://linktr.ee/bee.in.harmony

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