03/24/2026
"I'm looking for a good introductory resource to share with parents and/or teens about the idea of part-time AAC use for people who have the ability to speak in many situations. It can be difficult for parents especially to wrap their heads around."
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First, it's wonderful when educators, medical professionals, and parents reach out to the community to actually listen to the feedback we can provide, so to OP, thank you for asking!
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Second, I'm going to recommend you visit this week's topic on situational mutism:
https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1CQaUfouUt/
We're going to refer back a lot in this post to that topic! And holy crap, did this one end up huge 🤣
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Being verbal in some situations and being non-speaking for others "LOOKS" confusing when you don't experience it for yourself...
Or do you?
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How are you sure you haven't?
There was never a time when you found it hard to speak up, like when you had your first crush?
When you had your first job interview?
When you proposed to your life partner? And they said YES 🔔🎊
When you went to your boss to inquire about a raise? 😬
And what about the times you experienced situations where you were uncomfortable...
for all the wrong reasons?
You got into trouble because you were in the wrong place at the wrong time.
You didn't quite know how to react to a situation so your brain suddenly did the "wrong" one, out of your control?
You laughed inappropriately, even though you knew the situation wasn't funny.
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Did you notice that I mentioned a significant amount of situations that involve anxiety? Nerves? Excitement?
Nervous system activation is among the biggest reasons we experience situational mutism, and arguably part-time verbalism.
It's really a simple formula:
- events happen or are about to happen;
- brain (sympathetic nervous system) kicks in and says "PANIC"
- the brain decides which mode is called for in this situation, based on a wide variety of other factors, such as:
- previous experiences
- genetic coding
- previous trauma
- attachment style of parents
- attachment style to self
- ability to engage motor skills
- ability to engage reflex movements
- ability to engage verbally
- strength of self-advocation
- confidence in ability to execute
..and I'm positive the list is even bigger!
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Partial verbality - especially if seen over prolonged or indefinite periods of time - are potentially more likely to be situational mutism.
But we also need to look at the development of language to really understand why SM isn't always at the root.
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Process of Language Development (very loosely from the perspective of a language teacher):
- I hear noise
- It sounds like nonsense... until my brain picks up on patterns in things such as tone, timbre, articulation, vibration, etc.
(This improves over time as I subconsciously learn
how noise hits my ear at different angles so I can pinpoint location;
that air follicles vibrate and send signals to my brain;
that the way the sound bounces off my ear drum and sends a signal to my brain;
all this information passes through multiple points of the ear and brain known as auditory processing.)
- Patterns are heard repetitively, and I make some kind of connection that's meaningful for me
(It might be "_a-_a", the guy with the weird smell who makes the funny noise and laughs when I laugh, or it might be "muh" when I demand more drink.)
- As I hear the patterns, see the people around me make the noises by moving their mouths, I recognize I need to move my mouth more like theirs, that I can't just spit out air to make the sound magically come out.
(The more I do, the more I see, and the more I see, the more I do.)
- As I grow, adults correct me more specifically about how to move my mouth, my lips, my tongue, my cheeks, and I can follow the example of my peers as well.
- I eventually start to connect written word with spoken word, and by North American school systems, mistakenly believe that words on the page tell me the sounds I'm supposed to make
(In fact, written language came AFTER spoken language! English in particular is full of inconsistencies and stolen words, and even the ones that ARE predictable are hard to help most young brains understand.)
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Multiple Points of Break-down:
Where can we see the language be a challenge in development?
- at the ear - at ANY point from outer ear to inner ear, from the shape and the hair to the drum and the nerves.
This can happen if the ear or folds of the ear are shaped differently, or if the ear is damaged by infection (happens with a LOT of kids who then may be misdiagnosed with ADHD because of course they're bored when they can't process heard language), autoimmune diseases, comorbidities, and many other reasons and conditions audiologists will be able to list with far more detail than myself.
This break-down in the listening process is known as Auditory Processing Disorder.
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- at the brain - not just the general nervous system, but specifically where the language processing centers in the brain have taken in all the coded information and now have to untangle it to figure out:
A) what was said,
B) what the physical response needs to be to it,
C) and which muscles will need to be activated to make that response happen.
It might be running away;
It might be laughing;
It might be sitting;
It might be yelling;
It might even be saying nothing at all, if the brain says there is nothing to say and we need further information in order to act.
(Hello autistic brain!)
When any of this happens at the brain itself, it's known as central APD, and it's incredibly common in ADHDers and autistics.
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- in the facial, throat, and diaphragm muscles
So many muscles are activated to make a single word come out!
1) inhale into lungs
2) send air to sit above diaphragm
3) activate diaphragm to push out air
4) vocal folds thin or stretch to allow air to pass (imagine how a flute makes sound) and they also vibrate or not!
5) move soft palette to block off nasal passage any amount
6) move correct parts of the tongue to hit the correct parts of the mouth at the correct time in the sound
7) move lips to coordinate with tongue
8) don't forget to breathe during speaking... SOMEWHERE in there.
And this is for a SINGLE sound. Think about making the "fff" sound, or the "vvv" sound. (Fun exercise, put your finger tips where your Adam's apple would be and make the two sounds; the "vvv" is voiced and the "fff" is voiceless, all thanks to your vocal folds).
It's really amazing that ANY person speaks!
At ANY point, muscles can
break down,
experience discomfort,
or be overused,
and it will provide difficulties in speech in any person, let alone if there are
additional intellectual, developmental, or physical disabilities in effect.
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So how does all this coincide with partial verbality?
1) Exhaustion
It is TIRING to learn how to do!,
let alone do it every day, multiple times a minute in a society that demands you communicate verbally 😮💨😮💨
I'm exhausted writing about it, you're exhausted reading about it, let alone speaking it!
Tiring to force listening.
Tiring to only focus on one sound when there are too many to hear.
Tiring to move muscles.
Tiring to manage pain fatigue.
Tiring to manage listening fatigue...
Just existing, takes up so much energy when this is all you're doing!
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2) Anxiety
When our nervous system activates and chooses shut down / situational mutism...
FREEZE.
Your muscles don't move.
It can feel impossible to GET them to move.
Worse;
The harder you try, the more the body says you are not safe enough to do so, and it clamps down even harder.
Experience these things enough times in an unsupportive environment and there's a high chance situational mutism becomes more permanent than verbal communication.
Unused muscles atrophy.
Become even harder to actively identify and engage consciously.
Self-advocation becomes difficult, especially when verbose people may speak over you and your advocation, so it becomes
depressing to even try to speak;
why bother engaging in an exercise that feels futile if it costs you so much energy anyway?
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3) Depression
Seriously:
If you can't change the fact that your autonomy and consent are continuously being overspoken,
especially by the people who claim to care about you the most,
then why spend the energy trying to make life different when people don't see you as capable of knowing your own needs?
For people with high PDA (Pervasive Drive for Autonomy) profiles, this can be especially strong. (Read more about PDA and its affiliation with depression AND anxiety here: https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1HPcsYU5wc/ )
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The Ableism against Partial Verbality:
The way I've framed all of this... Is from the medical perspective.
The "oh my gosh, we must address this!" perspective.
Quick! Get them in with an SLP!
Get them into surgery!
Get them in with an occupational therapist!
Get them in with an ABA therapist! (Please for the love of all that is good, not this one!!!!)
These additional workers - except for ABA - can be great for helping people work on their muscular tone, advocation skills, and understanding movement in speech and sounds in audio.
They may even be the only "fix" needed for many.
But not all.
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There are some of us who will always struggle with the hearing and speaking world.
We will always be too tired to engage in speech.
We will always be in too much pain trying to hear in a world that increasingly blasts people with sound.
While working with the mentioned professionals can be helpful, they still may not be able to address the full picture...
And this is where some therapists can "fail", not because they're bad people, but because they're relying on a medical model instead of a social model.
One that eliminates neuronormative expectations and pushes a neuroaffirming method instead:
"Its okay that we do things slower than others, we're going at our own pace."
"It's okay that we never hit certain benchmarks or goals, they are not meant for my child or for me."
"It's okay that we reject the hearing world and opt to be a part of the Deaf community - ethically - instead."
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Methods of Non-Speaking Communication:
Low Tech:
behavioral
gesturing
pointing
signing
poster boards
spelling2communicate
pen and paper
High-Tech:
AAC programs
texting
Which method works best for your child?
Then change your communication style to theirs.
The world is far more accommodating than we realize, and we can find methods of advocation that work for us when given the opportunity and the tools.
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All of this is where I'm at personally in my process;
- addressing the internalized ableism in myself that every human being has
- removing pressure to perform in other people's ways
- advocating for my own communication needs: no hearing (I often use a headset to put one sound in my audio) + ASL (texting if I really need to advocate around non-signers)
- resisting the pressure to revert to uncomfortable communication styles
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As an adult who:
- was non-speaking until I was 3/4
- still experiences situational mutism, if less frequently
- always struggled to hear and be heard, to understand and be understood as someone with APD who is AuDHD
- always had a fascination with ASL
I am scared and defiant to claim my place in the world as someone who desperately needs to be accommodated rather than "fixed."
I have gained significant confidence as each experience has proven to be mostly accommodating, even pleasant in some cases where people were happy to sign with me.
My existence as someone who is "partially verbal" is significantly less important to me than my existence as someone who is "non-speaking".
Both are valid labels for me, and I would rather identify with the label that has opened up doors to my own acceptance than with the path that was demanded of me since birth.
Especially since a non-speaking existence has actually soothed my brain - speaking and hearing creates buzzy sensations and migraines -
provided regulation when I'm dysregulated - which happens every time I speak or listen for too long -
and allowed me to lead an authentic existence not burdened by other people's expectations or beliefs about my needs.
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"But Bee, you CAN speak!" It's opened doors for you!
Yes. With an enormous cost I would - and choose! - to sacrifice.
I've posted all the negative side effects of masking in the image, and masking my discomfort with the hearing world IS a big part of that.
Just because you CAN, doesn't mean you SHOULD.
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"But Bee, what about MY kid? How do I do what's best for them?"
In an ideal world, you figure out the WHY.
Then you figure out the most neuroaffirming approach you can make while giving your child their best chance...
..probably a mix of therapists - who are NOT ABA - and non-speaking communication advocation...
And you UPDATE it, based on what the child pushes themselves to do.
This fits under "child-led experiences,"
where you challenge without pushing;
support while letting them figure it out.
and fight for co-regulation and connection over results and neuronormative milestones.
When they're ready to move to the next part of the process, believe me, they'll let you know.
I highly recommend following
Neurodivergent Parenting: Think Outside The Box
and
The Occuplaytional Therapist
who both understand this process of working with neurodivergent kids in THEIR time while teaching natural consequences, boundaries, and consistency.
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**Please note these are general strategies advised by an AuDHDed with 16 years of teaching experience for 4-70 years old; your child may absolutely have extenuating circumstances that are best discussed with your team of neuroaffirming individuals who understand better your child's needs
