Stephanie Underwood RSW

Stephanie Underwood RSW Let's journey together. I believe one of the bravest and most powerful thing you can do is begin to understand your own story.

Trauma and Attachment Researcher & Clinician
Rewriting relational patterns through nervous system safety and schema change

Healing begins with a safe space to be authentic. Healing begins when we recognize the nature of trauma and understand its impacts. Visit my website and if it resonates with you, schedule a 30-minute, no obligation phone consultation.

Why does “standard” trauma therapy sometimes feel like it’s missing something?Because much of the trauma research we rel...
02/25/2026

Why does “standard” trauma therapy sometimes feel like it’s missing something?

Because much of the trauma research we rely on today was built to treat PTSD following a single, shocking event. Combat. Assault. Accidents.

But most people I work with aren’t struggling with one event. They’re struggling with chronic relational trauma; repeated exposure within their closest relationships.

Attachment wounds. Emotional neglect. Betrayal. Unpredictability.

And yet we’re often trying to apply models designed for single-incident trauma to lifelong relational patterns.

Clinicians are trained in silos. Cognition over here. Neurobiology over there. Somatic work somewhere else. But trauma doesn’t form in silos. It forms at the intersection of meaning, attachment, and nervous system survival.

This mini series will explore the research I’ve conducted over the past few years - one unified model that explains the root cause of relational trauma and how relational trauma needs to be addressed.

If you’ve ever felt like you’ve done the work but something still isn’t shifting - it’s NOT you. The dominant research architecture wasn’t designed around attachment-based, chronic, developmental trauma.

We’re changing that.

Follow along as we dive into the Relational Safety Framework series here on Facebook.

You can also listen to the series on YouTube and Spotify, as well as all streaming platforms.

Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/show/48jRNyGqBsE2LT4U0iKvmc?si=sxLjNYsKR1qiViezq_xdwQ



Healing isn’t easy, and the honest truth is that for some individuals, healing is too difficult. It requires a lot of em...
02/24/2026

Healing isn’t easy, and the honest truth is that for some individuals, healing is too difficult. It requires a lot of emotional strength to embark on a healing journey. It requires us to face ourselves, and for some, that process is simply too painful to endure.

Maladaptive Schema 18/18: Punitiveness The Punitiveness Schema (also referred to as the Punitive Schema for short) is of...
02/09/2026

Maladaptive Schema 18/18: Punitiveness

The Punitiveness Schema (also referred to as the Punitive Schema for short) is often the last one people want to look at, because it feels justified. But punishment is not the same thing as accountability, and fear has never created real change.

And that’s a wrap for this mini-series on the 18 Maladaptive Schemas 🎤

Schemas aren’t talked about enough. They have more power in people’s lives than we realize and they influence our decisions on a daily basis.

If this series stirred something uncomfortable, good. That’s usually where the work actually starts. If you’re ready to go deeper into how these patterns shape your inner world and your relationships, stay tuned. What’s coming next will fundamentally change how you understand yourself and the world around you.





Maladaptive Schema 17/18: Defectiveness/Shame The abandonment schema is typically the main underlying schema of the Anxi...
02/07/2026

Maladaptive Schema 17/18: Defectiveness/Shame

The abandonment schema is typically the main underlying schema of the Anxious Attachment, and the Defectiveness/Shame schema is typically the underlying schema of the Avoidant Attachment. If you have a Disorganized Attachment, you most likely have both schemas.

This particular Defectiveness/Shame schema isn’t about low self-esteem. It’s about survival - like all of the other maladaptive schemas.

When early relationships taught you that being fully seen led to criticism, rejection, or withdrawal, your nervous system adapted. Distance became safety, and independence became protection.

But it can change with the right kind of relational safety.

Schema 16/18: Negativity/PessimismWhen you constantly expect to be disappointed, experiencing disappointment actually st...
02/06/2026

Schema 16/18: Negativity/Pessimism

When you constantly expect to be disappointed, experiencing disappointment actually starts to hurt a lot less. And this is exactly what this schema does. Expect less that way it will hurt less. It’s not about being dramatic or difficult - it’s about survival.

🚨* I made a mistake on the cover of this post - it should be “Negativity/Pessimism” - not the “Punitive/
Pessimism” Schema ***


Maladaptive Schema 15/18: Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline The Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline schema...
02/05/2026

Maladaptive Schema 15/18: Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline

The Insufficient Self-Control/Self-Discipline schema is not about being lazy or unmotivated. It’s about a nervous system that never learned how to tolerate discomfort because childhood didn’t give it space to practice autonomy, frustration, or trial-and-error.

As adults, this shows up as procrastination, avoidance, impulsivity, or feeling overwhelmed by everyday tasks. Once you understand the root, you stop blaming yourself and start rebuilding the skills you were never supported to develop.

Schema 14/18: Entitlement/Grandiosity And nope, we’re not necessarily talking about narcissism. This schema is about the...
02/05/2026

Schema 14/18: Entitlement/Grandiosity

And nope, we’re not necessarily talking about narcissism. This schema is about the quiet belief that the rules shouldn’t apply to you the same way they apply to everyone else. Underneath it all you’ll usually find a fragile sense of worth, a fear of being ordinary, and a long history of boundaries being … kinda optional.

Healing this one isn’t about making yourself small. It’s about finally learning that value isn’t earned through being exceptional, but through being a human being.

Schema 13/18: Unrelenting StandardsUnrelenting Standards isn’t about ambition.It’s about safety.It’s the belief that res...
02/04/2026

Schema 13/18: Unrelenting Standards

Unrelenting Standards isn’t about ambition.
It’s about safety.

It’s the belief that rest must be earned, mistakes are unacceptable, and being “good enough” is never enough. The bar keeps moving. The goalposts keep shifting. And somehow, you’re still behind.

From the outside, it can look like discipline, competence, or high achievement. On the inside, it feels like pressure that never turns off.

This schema doesn’t ask, “Did I try my best?”
It asks, “Why wasn’t it better?” And no, meeting the standard doesn’t bring relief, it only just raises the next one.


Schema 12/18: Dependence/IncompetenceSchemas aren’t defects. They’re adaptations.When relational environments are unpred...
01/31/2026

Schema 12/18: Dependence/Incompetence

Schemas aren’t defects. They’re adaptations.
When relational environments are unpredictable or unsafe, the nervous system learns what it must do to survive.

What once protected you doesn’t define you forever.

Schema 11/18: Failure to Achieve Schema This is probably the most common schema that I see in individuals. It’s also the...
01/30/2026

Schema 11/18: Failure to Achieve Schema

This is probably the most common schema that I see in individuals. It’s also the one that kills more dreams than anything.

The Failure to Achieve schema is about growing up in environments where mistakes felt unsafe, success felt conditional, and worth felt earned rather than inherent.

When failure becomes fused with identity, avoidance becomes protection, perfectionism becomes survival, and procrastination becomes a nervous system strategy.

You are not actually afraid of failure, you’re afraid of what failure was taught to mean about you.

Address

Montreal, QC

Telephone

+14388012529

Website

http://www.healingnarrativescounselling.com/, https://hopp.bio/healingnarrat

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About Stephanie

I’m a professional, trauma-informed social worker, with the aim of becoming a benchmark for delivering quality, evidence-based, psychosocial services to residents of Quebec. Offering quality, evidence-based services and providing clients with an exceptional experience, is the very foundation of my professional social work practice.

I have more than half a decade of working in the mental health field providing evidence-based interventions and assessments. Today, I provide an early intervention component of helping people learn how to better manage symptoms of depression, anxiety, stress, and more.

For more than half a decade, I have helped to empower clients into achieving their desired goals. And now, I want to empower you.