Soul Haven Counselling

12/21/2025

⚠️ When a teacher humiliates a child in front of their peers, that’s not just embarrassment.

That’s authority being weaponized against someone who has no power to fight back. Children are wired to trust teachers, to believe what adults in positions of authority say about them.

So when a teacher labels a child as stupid, lazy, or too much, that message gets internalized as truth. The combination of power imbalance and public shame creates a specific kind of wound that affects how that child sees themselves for years, sometimes decades.

It shapes their nervous system to associate learning with danger, questions with humiliation, and visibility with punishment. Survivors of educational trauma carry those teacher’s voices long after they leave the classroom.

That’s not because they’re sensitive. It’s because authority figures have the power to define a child’s reality, and when they use that power to harm, the damage runs deep.

12/21/2025

12/19/2025

Most of us come to healing with a quiet expectation that one day, we’ll stop getting activated.

We imagine that progress looks like staying calm, unbothered, unaffected. That if the work is really working, we won’t snap at our partner, shut down in hard conversations, or feel our body tense in familiar moments.

So when activation shows up, it can feel like something went wrong.

For example, you might snap at your partner over something small and immediately feel confused about why it came out so strong.

Or you shut down during a conversation and can’t find your words, even though you care deeply about what’s being said.

Or a tone, a look, or a silence suddenly makes your chest tighten and your mind race.

Or you over explain, people please, withdraw, or go numb without fully choosing to.

When that happens, it’s easy to assume healing should have prevented it.

The goal of healing isn’t to eliminate activation. It’s to change what happens when activation appears. That kind of change doesn’t come from insight alone. It comes from helping the whole system learn something new, not just understand it.

Over time, that looks like noticing yourself getting flooded without immediately lashing out.

Staying in the conversation instead of disappearing from it.

Feeling intensity without your nervous system taking over.

Instead of asking, Why am I still getting activated? A more useful question becomes, What’s different about how I meet this activation now?

12/18/2025

Emotional Backpack

• Many students carry invisible or emotional backpacks: baggage they bring to school. The backpack can be filled with everyday stressors or experiences of loss, grief, separation, or trauma.
• Traumatic experiences, such as abuse, violence, or loss, can have profound and lasting effects on a child's ability to learn and function in school

– Dr. Christina Watlington.

12/18/2025

✨ Micro-habits for real life: realistic, helpful, and sustainable ✨

Burnout doesn’t always crash in-it creeps in. That’s why micro-habits matter. Tiny, consistent choices during your workday can protect your energy, focus, and mental health. And yes, self-care IS preventive healthcare, especially at work. Chronic stress and burnout can impact sleep, digestion, blood pressure, immunity, and more.

These ideas aren’t about perfection. They’re about tiny shifts that are easy to build into a daily rhythm, whether you’re in an office or working from home.

12/16/2025

I don’t dread holidays because I don’t like them.
I dread them because they’ve become predictable in the worst way.

Even after I left the relationship, every school holiday and every “special” time has carried the same weight. Before it even arrives, my body knows. I don’t step into these moments relaxed… I step in braced. Not because of the kids, but because experience has taught me what often follows.

This is something called post-separation abuse — a form of coercive control that continues after a relationship ends. It often escalates around milestones, holidays, and times that matter, because disruption is the point. It’s not about conflict. It’s about control.

From the outside, it can look minor or “manageable.”
From the inside, it means anticipating messages, boundary pushing, emotional manipulation, or escalation, right when you’re trying to create safety and joy for your children. It means being ready, once again, to advocate and protect them when there are genuine safety concerns.

What doesn’t get talked about enough is the impact on the nervous system.

I’m doing the work — therapy, awareness, regulation tools, healing practices. But a nervous system cannot fully settle while it’s being repeatedly re-triggered by the same person, year after year. Healing requires safety, not just coping strategies.

You cannot regulate your way out of an ongoing threat.

You cannot “stay calm” your way through coercive control.

And telling survivors to “just ignore it” misunderstands trauma entirely.

There is also grief in this, grief for the holidays I hoped my children would have, and for the belief that separation would automatically bring peace. Instead, it has required constant vigilance.

One of the hardest truths I’ve had to accept is this:
When someone is more invested in punishing their ex than protecting their children, shared parenting becomes a battleground rather than a partnership.

So if I seem anxious, guarded, or overwhelmed during holidays, this is why.

It’s not negativity.

It’s not bitterness.

It’s a nervous system shaped by years of ongoing psychological and post-separation abuse… still standing, still protecting, still trying to create moments of warmth in the middle of something that never truly stopped.

This isn’t about the past. It’s about what continues in the present.

12/14/2025

Don’t let your benefits go to waste!
Year-end is approaching, and many plans include coverage for counselling. Soul Haven’s Masters Level Registered Social Workers are approved providers through most employee benefit programs.

Book your session today!

12/14/2025

Free WHAT A CHILD’S BEHAVIOUR IS REALLY TELLING YOU POSTER

This poster puts into words what many adults feel but struggle to explain.

When a child shouts, refuses, withdraws, lashes out or melts down, it is easy to see behaviour as bad, defiant or attention seeking. This poster clearly shows that behaviour is communication. It helps adults stop reacting to what they see and start thinking about what the child is trying to tell them.

The poster explains how challenging behaviour is often linked to unmet needs such as feeling overwhelmed, unsafe, tired, hungry, anxious, overstimulated or in need of connection. It supports a trauma informed, needs led way of responding that focuses on understanding rather than punishment.

This resource is especially helpful for children who struggle with emotional regulation, big feelings, anxiety, sensory overload, attachment needs or trauma related stress. It helps adults understand what is happening in a child’s nervous system when they are under pressure.

Comment CHILD and we will send you a message with a link to a free PDF of this resource.

12/12/2025

Mommy wine culture is toxic. I don't like that word, it's way overused.. but I don't have a better word.

Mommy absolutely does not NEED a drink when she is stressed, that's the opposite of what she needs. Drinking alcohol depletes your B vitamins which are crucial for mood stabilization. It depletes magnesium, your CALMING mineral. It depletes sodium and potassium... your adrenals NEED these electrolytes.

Mommy will feel much better if she moves her body and nourishes her body.

I didn't add these because they're not immediate results for calming, but mama needs to balance her blood sugar and mama needs to make sure she is having daily bowel movements. BOTH Of these things can impact mama's mood. If you blood sugar is on a roller coaster, your mood will be too. If you haven't 💩 in days, that might be a factor in your low stress tolerance. Bet me on it. Work on those things and see how much better you feel. 💪💪

Mommy absolutely does not need a drink, maybe a gummy, but definitely not a drink. 😊

12/12/2025

When a young person has ADHD, the world can feel busy, loud, fast, and full of expectations that don’t always match how their brain works.

This series, A Child's Voice, gives space for their voice — honest, brave, and beautifully human.

It’s here to help adults pause, listen, and truly understand what life feels like on the inside.

Every child deserves to be seen beyond their behaviour.
Every child deserves support that honours how their brain is wired.
Let’s listen to their voice… and let it guide us.

See footer in visual for free download info.

12/10/2025

Young Parent Program presents Evening Sessions. Spots are limited so call now to register..