10/16/2025
๐ New Blog Post From www.ThynkTherapi.com/blog
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๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ถ๐น๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ป๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ
For the glass children who learned to make themselves small.
If you grew up in a family where someone else, including a parent, needed โmoreโ care, more attention, more help, more space, you might have learned not to need anything at all. You were the easy one. The quiet one. The responsible one. The one who didnโt cause problems, because there were already enough. Or when you did need something, your needs werenโt met and you were felt to feel like your needs didnโt matter. And now, even as an adult, you might struggle to say, โI want something, too.โ Or โIโm not okay.โ Or โWhat about me?โ But instead of advocating for yourself, you feel guilty for even thinking it.
๐ช๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐ ๐ ๐ฒ๐ฎ๐ป๐ ๐๐ผ ๐๐ฒ ๐ฎ ๐๐น๐ฎ๐๐ ๐๐ต๐ถ๐น๐ฑ
The term โglass childโ refers to children who grow up alongside a sibling (or parent) with a disability, chronic illness, addiction, or high emotional needs. Glass children arenโt called this because theyโre fragile, but because theyโre often seen through. Their needs become invisible. Their accomplishments are overlooked. Their pain is minimized, or never even noticed.
They learn early that their role is to be okay, so everyone else doesnโt fall apart.
๐๐ผ๐ ๐ง๐ต๐ฎ๐ ๐๐๐ถ๐น๐ ๐ง๐ฎ๐ธ๐ฒ๐ ๐ฅ๐ผ๐ผ๐
You might have given the message that your needs belonged on the back burner, directly or indirectly: โBe patient, your brotherโs going through a lot,โ or โYouโre fine. She needs me more right now.โ Maybe you heard, โThank you for being so good. You make things easier.โ
This message becomes internalized, and we tell ourselves, "If I need too much, Iโll be a burden. If I ask for attention, Iโm selfish. If I speak up, Iโll create more problems." So you stayed quiet. You stayed helpful. You became the one everyone could rely on, even when it hurt.
๐ง๐ต๐ฒ ๐๐๐ถ๐น๐ ๐ผ๐ณ ๐ช๐ฎ๐ป๐๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐๐ป๐๐๐ต๐ถ๐ป๐ด ๐ณ๐ผ๐ฟ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐๐ฟ๐๐ฒ๐น๐ณ
Now, you minimize your struggles or needs or wants. You feel anxious when asking for help. You struggle with decisions, preferences, or expressing your needs. You might sabotage good things before they reach you, or constantly apologize for taking up space. You might even avoid talking about your own pain because โother people have it worse.โ Thereโs a good chance you maintain the invisibility by rarely discussing your needs or asking for help at all, and as a survival mechanism, you have become hyper-independent.
And beneath it all is that old belief: If I want something for me, I must be doing something wrong. Iโm not worthy.
๐๐ณ ๐ง๐ต๐ถ๐ ๐ถ๐ ๐ฌ๐ผ๐, ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒโ๐ ๐๐ต๐ฒ ๐ง๐ฟ๐๐๐ต:
Wanting does not make you selfish. Needing care does not make you weak. You are allowed to have your own story, even if someone elseโs seemed louder.
What you needed was not less important, it was less visible. And that invisibility? It was not your fault. But healing from it can be your path.
๐ฌ๐ผ๐ ๐๐ฎ๐ป ๐๐ฒ๐ด๐ถ๐ป ๐๐ฒ๐ฟ๐ฒ
๐ฑ Notice the guilt... without judgement!
When the guilty part shows up, gently remind yourself: โThis is old guilt. Itโs the part of me that learned to disappear, finally asking to exist.โ
๐ง Time orient that guilty part. Separate then, from now.
Let that part know that: โI am safe now. My needs are not a burden; they are part of being human, and itโs finally safe to honour them.โ
๐ซถ Give your inner child what they needed but didn't get
Say to that little one: โI am here for you now, and Iโm staying. You matter. Your needs matter.โ
๐ฌ Let someone show up for you
Whether itโs a friend, partner, therapist, or your adult Self, let others care for you. Go as slow as your system needs to build a sense of trust and safety.
๐๐ถ๐ป๐ฎ๐น ๐ง๐ต๐ผ๐๐ด๐ต๐
If you feel guilty for wanting anything for yourself, let this be your reminder: Your needs are not a burden. Your desires are not selfish. Your voice is not too much. You learned to shrink and disconnect from your true Self, but you donโt have to live there anymore. You are allowed to want more. You donโt need permission to take up space.
Pain and wounds often form in disconnection, from others or from yourself, and it is only in connection that your protective mechanisms will begin to soften so you can begin the process of healing. โจ
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