Hands Healing Hearts

09/09/2021

This is a precise explanation for soul loss in shamanic healing terms. When we have to give up certain parts of our authentic self as children to not threaten our care givers, to not threaten our chance for survival and to get love, what happens to your soul is that it could splits away that part you gave up from your soul. Gabor says at the end, “the trouble is, once you adopt that way of being, it is difficult to give it up because we associate our survival with it”. The other side of the same coin is that not only is it difficult but it’s also because that part we need to be more balance, more empowered, more whole, could actually not be there, with us as a apart of our soul. This doesn’t mean this missing part cannot come back home, back to our soul. Because it most certainly can. Soul parts come back to us when we are ready for it. We can call ourselves back home to ourselves. However, sometimes we need a shamanic practitioner to help us on the spiritual level to get things moving on a emotional, mental and/or physical level. These levels are all intertwined. Just like if we eat a clean diet (physical level), it can help us on spiritual, mentally and emotionally as well. No caffine, no mental chatter, no sugar, we start feeling emotions rising up, which is not a bad thing! If we start feeling our emotions that have been repressed and suppressed, we start to feel healthier on a physical level, like we’ve cleared out some debris and our mental chatter will diminish, as well. So if you have difficulties understanding how spiritually healing can help you on the tangible level, these examples to help you question your beliefs around spiritual healing and alway keep in mind the famous hermetic quote: “As above, so below; as within, so without; as the universe, so the soul”.

26/06/2021

The absolute hardest endeavour of my life has been my healing journey. The absolutely best days of my life have been because of my healing journey. Because I’m willing to feel deep pain, I can feel the real highs of life. The real highs of life feel even better because I am becoming embodied and not because I am escaping my reality or trying to control my emotional response to the world. There are still days that I detach and escape but those days are becoming few and far between.

During healing cycles, there were days, weeks and months that would pass and I would wonder when would this healing cycle end. I sacrificed a lot of my time with friends, years actually, and I sacrificed travel and a lot of money in exchange to work with healers, teachers and therapists to get through these hard times. And now, 7 years in, these healing cycles don’t last as long anymore. I’m not resisting my emotions so now they are passing through my body faster and also, because a lot of the trauma has been felt and healed. Sometimes I get mad at myself because I’m still dealing with the same issue. But then I look back at how far I’ve come and I give thanks. I give thanks to myself.

I am now more present with life. I have the rest of my life to continue this healing journey with a lot more ease and joy and badassary! Yup, I just made up that word! Being present with life has allowed me to be fully with what is happening around me and to feel my emotional response to it. It’s still very hard at times. There is so much painful things happening around the planet, everywhere I look, there is heartache after heartache. My emotions are my natural responses to what I experience. If I allow my emotional response to pass through without resistance then, I also allow many good things too pass through without resistance. In the past, sometimes, it was the good emotions I resisted. Being seen and being heard are quite healing experiences but they can be quite difficult to stay fully present and to allow it to happen. If I ever resisted, I’d inspect my inner world and ask why am I resisting this experience from naturally flowing through me? It was always the resistance that caused me to suffer.

The deeper I connect with myself, the deeper I connect with other people, animals and nature, the deeper I feel fulfilled with life. I love myself more than ever before and I realize it’s not that I keep dealing with the same issue, (yet in a way, I am) it’s that I keep finding new ways that I need to love myself. New parts inside of me that haven’t been heard for decades. New parts of me that only need to be loved again. It’s that simple, and, yet, that hard.

A HUMBLING PATH

Awakening is not a path for the faint of heart.

You will be humbled. Oh yes. Brought to your knees. Many, many times.

What you thought you knew will occasionally dissolve into nothingness.
Your most brilliant insights, your astonishing expertise, your life’s work, it can all crumble to the ground.
Sometimes without warning.

You will be asked to begin again, and again, and again.

And again.

(Did I say, this is not a path for the faint of heart?)

Oh yes, you will touch the bliss and joy of existence, for sure!
You will laugh at the simplicity of things, some days, of course!

But you will also be asked to confront your deepest fears, face the darkness and the night within, go to the places where the unloved creatures dwell.

You will step into pockets of grief you never knew were there.
You will cry a billion tears for the lost and abandoned children, within and without.
You will rage to the sky, to your parents, to all the teachers who failed you, to the lies you were fed, to the ones who never showed up when you needed them the most.
You will tremble with fear some days.

Some days the ground will open up and swallow you and spit you back out.

Sometimes you will think you’ve reached the end of the path, and then you will find yourself back at the damn beginning.

Sometimes you will feel like giving up.
Sometimes you will feel like you’ve made no progress at all.
Sometimes you will curse the day you started out on this journey.

But you are healing.
Yes, you are.

You are thawing, undoing billions of years of karma. Fear-based conditioning is melting away, and you are meeting life in the raw.

You are returning to nature, to the Garden, to the wild, where you were conceived.

It’s not always easy. It’s not always peaceful.
It’s not always the spirituality you were sold.
It’s not always love and light and joy and positivity and pure undisturbed Awareness.
(These are only dreams for frightened children.)

No, it’s an authentic awakening.
You are a warrior of realness now, tired of the bu****it and the false promises, weeping and raging and laughing your way into the terrible, wonderful wholeness that you are.

All your old dreams have crumbled, but you have not.
The voices of fear and shame and doubt may still be with you, but you are bigger than them now.
You have days where you feel tiny, yes, but you have days where you can hold the whole damn Universe in the palm of your hand.
You have gone insane to be normal, you have cracked to be whole, you have traded the old security for a life of adventure, and given up the sad old dogmas for the thrill of not knowing.

You are finding safety in the darkest places, and beauty in the loneliest places, and love in the places you thought had been forsaken by love.

You are never abandoned by life, friend, for you are life, and even when you fall to the ground, you are completely supported by unknowable forces.

And so what.
So what! You fall!
You bruise yourself.
You feel ashamed for a while.
You weep out the old dream.
So what!
You cry out the expectation and you turn to face the reality and it is never, never as bad as you’d feared.
You pick yourself up, you dust yourself off, you get back on the path, and you walk on.

You never left the path, if truth be told.
For the path never left... you.

For the path forms itself under your very feet, in every Now, with each step that you take or do not take, rejoicing in your unique journey, celebrating you exactly as you are today, bowing to your failures as well as your victories.

So, begin again, friend.
Begin again.

And walk on.

Author ~Jeff Foster

🌀Nicole
Sacred Wild Woman Medicine

🙏 Gratitude to the Unknown Artist

13/03/2021

Learning to be with any discomfort and having it inform you about yourself is where growth happens. If you feel uncomfortable by someone else’s stuff, go home and ask why did their stuff created discomfort in you. Then sit and feel the answer that comes up. If you feel too scared to sit with the feelings, which is completely normal, then first feel your fear first. A little at a time goes a long way over time as you face your fears. Or talk with a friend or a therapist about your fears. Always remember that we always feel better after we cry or have released an emotion. Imagine a life where you released so many that now you can be with discomfort of others without feeling the need to change the topic or not feeling the need to do something about it (like smoking or drinking). You just sit there breathing into the discomfort while continuing having the conversation. And again going home to look at what the source so that it doesn’t keep coming up again. Unless it’s a huge trigger than it will take time to have it all dissipate and it might be time see a therapist (which is a normal thing to do btw). I don’t have a life manual neither did my parents but I chose to stop suffering a bunch of years ago and now all the hard work, sacrifices, money & time spent on myself is really paying off in my life. Thank god. 🙂

Photo by Teal Swan