Positive Change Counselling

02/02/2026

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02/01/2026

“Through feeling, the patient comes face to face with the mystery of her [their] being, something larger than any thoughts or ideas she had before. This direct experience of her being transforms who she thought she was, but, more important, it transforms who she is becoming.”

~ Jon Frederickson,
ISTDP Institute

01/29/2026

01/26/2026

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One helpful way to understand grief comes from Lois Tonkin.

Tonkin’s theory challenges the idea that grief fades, resolves, or disappears with time. Instead, it suggests this: grief stays the same size, but life grows around it.

In the beginning, grief can feel all-consuming. It takes up everything. Over time, new experiences, relationships, routines, and moments of meaning slowly expand the space around the grief. The pain doesn’t vanish. It’s just no longer the only thing present.

This matters because it removes the pressure to “get over it.”

If your grief still feels heavy years later, that doesn’t mean you’re stuck.
If moments of joy coexist with deep sorrow, that doesn’t mean you’re betraying your loss.

Grief doesn’t ask to be erased.
It asks to be carried, alongside a life that continues to grow.

Both can be true at the same time.

01/18/2026

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01/16/2026

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01/14/2026

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Secure love isn’t built on perfection. It’s built on the courage to come back. To soften. To say, “I missed you,” or “I see how that hurt,” or “Can we try again?” Those moments teach your nervous system something new: that conflict doesn’t mean disconnection, and mistakes don’t mean abandonment.

01/13/2026

💜 “Sometimes, ‘therapy speak’ is used as a shield. It's easier to say, ‘You are triggering my abandonment wound,’ than to vulnerably admit, ‘I feel sad and I miss you.’ One sounds smart. The other feels risky.”

01/11/2026

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01/10/2026

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01/08/2026

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