11/28/2019
In November 2014, about a week after I found out I had cancer, I went to Whistler for a few days.
While in Whistler, I decided to get a tattoo. I had been thinking about it for a bit but just hadn't done it. It was the two words I AM. I remember telling my friend Desiree about it while we were in Kelowna the previous summer. I told her I wanted it as a reminder to be what I needed to be at that moment. I am, for whatever moment, needed a little encouragement. Since then, I've been playing fill in the blank every time I look down at the inside of my wrist.
I've done a lot of mental health work over the last five years, and even though I didn't know it then, that tattoo was part of the process. When I look back now, I think deep down, I always knew what I needed, but I hadn't taken the time to listen. I didn't know what I believed or valued. My thoughts were moving so fast in my mind that life felt like a blur — one giant reaction to what was going on around me. I didn't realize how unhappy I was.
So, I started to figure out what I believed about myself and then I got up close and personal with my self-talk. Which brings me back to my tattoo, I AM. It played a big part in my mindset shift.
I mention this because now that I'm almost six years out from cancer, I'm able to look back and piece things together better and I AM Capable played a big part in the self-talk I needed at that moment.
That's where I started. With I am capable. I replayed it over and over in my mind. When I was in the beginning stages of cancer, I repeated I am capable. When I went through IVF, I was capable. When I had surgery and chemo, I was capable. During the nerve damage I said over and over, I am capable, you can handle this. I told myself I was, and then I started to believe It
Look, I don't know what you're capable of, but I ask you to keep turning towards the sun every day to figure it out. I've been so far on the other side of things, and I've turned it all around. You can too. And, if you choose to make the shift, if you decide to look inside yourself, I guarantee it will be the adventure of a lifetime.