10/10/2022
Leaving “wokeness”
The first time I felt truly special in my life, was when I encountered the consciousness of oneness/god/source during a psychedelic experience.
My ego grasped on to this feeling of being everything and nothing because it was the first time it felt like it had the right to exists.
This was the birth of the ‘awakened’ identity.
I identified as a “spiritual” woman, medicine woman, even had the “spiritual” aesthetic going!
The feathers, jewels, flowy dresses, the crystals, the whole thing.
Of itself this is simply an expression of interest but underneath it all, there I was, hiding from the simplicity of not being special and simply being another human being on this planet.
I kept transforming and diving deeper into yet another delusion.
I saw the world as a binary place of us vs them.
The awakened and the asleep ones.
The ones that “did the work” and the ones that didn’t.
Until I realized the hypocrisy, the irony, and the arrogance of this identity.
It was so difficult to observe because everyone around me reinforced these ideals and way of seeing the world.
It was simply a costume change for the ego.
The radical shift happened when I decided to surrender into life, into the matrix, and see everyone as an expression of god.
This way of being is so spacious for me and others. I get to be human, make mistakes, be destructive, and reckless AND I also get the opportunity of being responsible, loving, nurturing, and creative.
It is a lot easier to do “the work” when you’re constantly drinking medicine, surrounded by others that share your perspective than when you’re in the world.
Do you want to know how much you’ve grown? Go into the world, dive into the matrix, and see the mirrors everywhere.
This is the real work and the one that feels more freeing in my heart.
Better than trying to keep up some fabricated identity of what a “conscious or spiritual woman” looks, talks, behaves like.
You don’t have to carry the burden of the world in your shoulders. You can be free to be the flawed, messy version of yourself that you’ve spend so much time trying to heal.
Be as you are.
This is freedom.