Julia Dahm Coaching (2025)

29/09/2021

As we mature and develop our own values and standards, personal integrity becomes important in our self-assessment.

Integrity means congruence. Acting in accordance with our values, beliefs, morals, ideals. For example, if I proclaim or believe that honesty and trustworthiness are important values of mine, but then cheat on my partner, what happens to my self-esteem?
I violated my own rules. I will respect myself less. I literally lost face in my own eyes, which is absolutely detrimental to self-esteem. I stop trusting myself.

There are people we value and trust, and others we do not. If we ask ourselves the reason, we will find that congruence is at the core of it. Do words and behavior match? We trust congruence, we trust people who follow through on their promises. And we can only trust ourselves and build healthy self-esteem when we do the same for ourselves.

📚Book recommendation if you'd like to know more: The Six Pillars of Self-esteem by Nathaniel Branden 📖

Here are some affirmations to help build integrity, congruence, and ultimately self-esteem:

I keep my promises.
I don't just say what people want to hear.
I admit to my partner/children when I know I'm wrong.
I don't laugh at jokes that I think are stupid or vulgar.
I tell people when they do things that bother me.
I don't lie just to keep peace.
I speak my truth.
🙌

01/05/2021

Nearly 50% of Americans say they feel anxious about resuming in-person interactions post-pandemic, according to a report from the American Psychological Association (APA).
I personally know people who don't tell others that they are fully vaccinated, just so they can continue to avoid social gatherings.

Some countries are progressing with vaccination, and we all hope for a return to 'normal'. But many people experience thoughts like 'I've been wanting this for the last year and now it's here and I don't know how to handle it.'

If you feel that way too, be gentle with yourself and take it slowly. Give yourself time to adjust. And if you have friends that decline invitations, try to be kind and understanding. Everybody has different needs and feelings around post-pandemic integration. Let's be tolerant and understanding with each other.
✨

09/03/2020

Receiving a compliment can be beautiful, but oftentimes we turn a kind gesture into an awkward moment. This is because we feel insecure about ourselves, or because we question the other person's intentions.

How about trying to gracefully accept a compliment for what it is? No explanations. No excuses. No awkward complimenting back.

In many instances, even a smile, a 'thank you', and general open and friendly nonverbal behavior are your best option.
If you feel the urge to add more, try staying with the compliment and simply expressing your gratitude by saying 'That's kind of you to say, thank you'.
🙏

06/03/2020

At some point in our lives, we all need to ditch the Disney notion of love. There's no prince on the white horse, no sleeping beauty, and then happily ever after.
Love is so much greater than that. But we tend to confuse love with short-lived emotions, which often leads to misery and disappointment.

Emotions are fleeting; they come and go, depending on circumstances, incidents and moods. Love is more. It is a way of being. It is a life energy that flows constantly.

And it is a choice we can make. Isn't that a liberating thought?
When we talk about love in a romantic relationship, rest assured that no one wakes up every morning for 40 years and is swept away by a wave of emotions when looking at their partner.

But what we can do is choose to love. Practice compassion, gratitude, kindness, and forgiveness. And learn slowly that there is a beautiful kind of love that can stay forever.
❤️

25/02/2020

Make this your super power! Let's be kind. Let's make an effort to be a good listener, a good friend, a good partner.

I truly believe a little kindness goes a long way. Smile at the stranger at the coffee shop. Show up for people who need you. Show people that you care, that you appreciate them.

You'll be rewarded with sympathy and friendship and that beautiful feeling of just having made the world a tiny bit better.
⭐️

17/02/2020

But you can give in abundance once you take care of yourself!

What does it mean to 'fill your cup'?
First, many of us need to ditch the notion that self-care means being selfish. It does not.

Tending to your own needs, physical and psychological, is one of the best gifts you can give — not only to yourself, but to everyone around you.

Making sure my needs are met and setting boundaries makes me a more satisfied and well-rounded person.
As such, my ability to improve the lives of others increases. It’s that simple. I can give freely only what I myself have.

Read more about priorities and self-care in my latest blog post!
☕️

15/02/2020

Between yourself, work, and friends and family — where does your time and energy go?
For most people, the honest answer is:
1. Work
2. Family and friends
3. Self

But we only have a finite amount of energy with which we operate.

On my blog (link in bio) you'll find an article about why putting yourself last is not a good idea, and how to re-prioritize in order to be more fulfilled and happy.
🙌

makeitcount

14/02/2020

Healthy relationships develop when two independent individuals form a bond without losing touch with their own needs and desires, without forgetting (or ever having known, for that matter) who they truly are.

The key is for both partners to feel connected instead of attached. In many relationships, these two get mixed up. Attachment, in its most unhealthy form, often goes hand in hand with unwarranted demands, a lack of trust, feelings of ownership, or codependency.

But non-attachment does not mean distance. This is why I have come to prefer the term “connection” for what a healthy bond between partners looks like.

You can find a blog post on how to foster connection while keeping the balance in a relationship on my blog (see link in bio).
❤️

11/02/2020

We often feel helpless when someone else is hurting. We want to be supportive, but what can we say?

Here are some examples. What helps is to truly validate how someone feels or what they are going through right now.

Sometimes, it's not about helping to find a solution to a problem, but about really listening, being there, and validating their feelings.
🤗

10/02/2020

When you are trauma bonding, it is easy to mistake abuse as love and not let go. Trauma is surprisingly easy to overlook when the abuse masquerades as someone 'caring' for you. This is because we tend to recreate childhood trauma in adult relationships.

Ironically, we seem to 'like' to suffer in familiar ways. So we find partners that treat us in the same, possibly traumatic, ways our parents treated us.

For example, if you grew up with an emotionally distant, rather cold mother, you may not feel like you experienced trauma. However, you might find yourself in adult relationships with emotionally distant partners where you always feel like the connection is not as deep as you would like it to be. But as a child, you learned to mistake the lack of emotional connection for love.

Unfortunately, this is also why children who grew up in physically abusive households or whose parents engaged in alcohol or substance abuse often end up with similar struggles in their adult relationships.

We may recognize that our relationships have similar patterns, but still feel that it's impossible to break those destructive cycles. By working with a psychotherapist or life coach who is familiar with codependent thoughts and behavior, those devastating patterns can be changed for a sustainable, positive future.
🌱

31/01/2020

Holding onto anger is like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die. That's what Buddhism teaches, and I can see a lot of truth in that.

When we're angry, we only hurt ourselves. The unpleasant feelings stay within us. The other person, the object of our anger, can feel and hear and see the anger within us while we fight.
But afterwards, when we're alone again? We sit with these feelings. They make us unhappy. Us—not the person we hold accountable for our anger.

So there's absolutely no point in keeping anger. Mindfulness and meditation can help release such emotions. Meditation techniques can train the mind to observe feelings and emotions, and letting them pass. For our own good, our own peace of mind.

Do you tend to get angry? Do you believe men to experience stronger feelings of anger than women do?
🙏

23/01/2020

How to create magic? We typically have three major areas in our lives that require our attention and energy: between family & friends, yourself, and work—how do you prioritize? For most people, the honest answer is:

1) work
2) family & friends
3) self

However, research has shown that people who prioritize themselves are more fulfilled. The happiest people answer this way:

1) self
2) family & friends
3) work

Create magic in your understanding of yourself. We spend a lot of time and energy on our careers and on others, but think about it this way:
Put your oxygen mask on first—before helping others.
✈️

Julia Dahm Coaching