PookyH

29/01/2026

** 𝗡𝗲𝘄 𝘄𝗲𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿 𝗼𝗽𝗲𝗻 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 ***

When School Feels Impossible

For anyone supporting a child who's struggling to get to school. Parents, teachers, anyone in between.

Wednesday 25th March, 7pm
https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/when-school-feels-impossible-tickets-1981855441977?aff=oddtdtcreator

(please share)

Practical strategies for parents and professionals supporting children who are struggling to attend school

29/01/2026

When a child shuts down, it can feel like nothing's working.

They won't respond. They won't move. They won't talk. And the more you try to help, the further away they seem.

Shutdown isn't defiance. It's the nervous system switching into protection mode. They're not choosing not to respond. They genuinely can't.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
"I'm here. No rush."
Say it once, then go quiet. Your calm presence does more than your words.

"You don't need to talk."
This removes the pressure that's keeping them stuck.

"I'll just sit here quietly."
Proximity without demand. Let them come back at their own pace.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲:
Questions (even kind ones), consequences, rushing, crowds, "just calm down."

You can't rush a nervous system back online. But your steady presence tells them they're safe.

I've put together a free one-pager with more on what to do (and what not to do) when someone shuts down: https://www.patreon.com/posts/resource-when-146570175

Please share this if you think it would help someone.

27/01/2026

𝗙𝗿𝗲𝘂𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗳𝗿𝗲𝘂𝗱𝗲. The opposite of schadenfreude. Taking genuine joy in someone else’s happiness.

« Autistic people lack empathy » is one of those myths that just won’t die. But so many of us feel other people’s joy so intensely it can be overwhelming. We get completely swept up in it.

And then there’s the bit that’s harder to admit.

Sometimes other people’s good news doesn’t feel good. Not because we’re unkind. Because we’re running on empty. Because comparison takes energy we don’t have spare. Because someone else’s win can feel like a spotlight on where we’re stuck.

If you’ve felt both of these things... welcome to the club.

You’re allowed to feel pure elation for someone AND find other people’s joy hard when you’re depleted. That’s not being a bad person. That’s being a tired one.

𝗙𝗿𝗲𝘂𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗳𝗿𝗲𝘂𝗱𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹. 𝗦𝗼 𝗶𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗲𝘅𝗵𝗮𝘂𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗱. 𝗕𝗼𝘁𝗵 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗲.

—
Please share this to your stories if you’ve felt it too.

22/01/2026

I'm looking forward to seeing some of your at tonight's webinar about demand avoidance. There's still time to sign up...

See you there?

Practical strategies for communicating with demand avoidant children when life has non-negotiables. For parents and professionals.

19/01/2026

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗮 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗮 𝗯𝗿𝗶𝗹𝗹𝗶𝗮𝗻𝘁 𝗱𝗮𝘆, 𝗶𝘁’𝘀 𝗻𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗮𝗹 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸: 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗖𝗔𝗡 𝗱𝗼 𝗶𝘁. 𝗦𝗼 𝘄𝗵𝘆 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗱𝗮𝘆?

But capacity isn’t fixed. It fluctuates based on sleep, sensory load, emotional reserves, demand levels, what happened yesterday, what’s coming tomorrow. A good day means all of those things aligned. A hard day means they didn’t.

This matters because “you managed yesterday” can feel like an accusation. It implies the struggle is a choice. It isn’t.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
✦ 𝗧𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘁 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝗮𝘀 𝗶𝗻𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. Ask: what was different? What can we learn about what helps?
✦ 𝗔𝘃𝗼𝗶𝗱 “𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗶𝗱 𝗶𝘁 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲” 𝗹𝗮𝗻𝗴𝘂𝗮𝗴𝗲. It shames without helping. Try “What do you need today?” instead.
✦ 𝗥𝗲𝗺𝗲𝗺𝗯𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗶𝗱𝗱𝗲𝗻 𝗰𝗼𝘀𝘁𝘀. Sometimes a good day used everything they had. The next day’s struggle is the bill arriving.

𝗚𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗱𝗮𝘆𝘀 𝘀𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁’𝘀 𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗯𝗹𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗹𝗶𝗴𝗻𝘀.
They’re not the standard to hold someone to every day.
(this is true for ND adults too...)

—
Share this to your stories if it might help someone see things differently.

18/01/2026

Just been planning this week's newsletter and it reminded me: I should actually tell people it exists.

Every Sunday evening I send out a little parcel of free resources for anyone supporting anxious or neurodivergent children. Slides, downloads, videos, book recommendations, upcoming events. All practical, all free, all in one place.

The people who subscribe tell me it's become part of their Sunday routine. But I'm rubbish at promoting it, so not many new people find it.

If a weekly roundup of resources landing in your inbox sounds useful, here's the link: https://pookyknightsmith.substack.com
And if you know someone who'd benefit, I'd really appreciate you sharing this post.

Thank you x

Weekly digest of Pooky's resources about children's mental health & SEND. Click to read Pooky’s Substack, by Pooky Knightsmith, a Substack publication with thousands of subscribers.

16/01/2026

People ask if I ride every day even when it’s raining.

Yes. Especially when it’s raining…

It’s how I stay happy and well. I love it. I never regret a ride. (Even when I’m wet to my pants 😂).

Rain or shine. Every day. No exceptions.

What keeps you happy and healthy and well?

13/01/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗸𝗻𝗼𝘄 𝗲𝘅𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗹𝘆 𝘄𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗱𝗼. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗰𝗮𝗻'𝘁 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁.

That's not laziness. It's task initiation.

Task initiation is one part of executive function, the set of mental skills that help us plan, organise, manage time, and get things done. For some children, especially those with ADHD or autism, starting is the hardest part.

Their brain is like a car on a cold morning. It knows where to go. The engine just takes a while to turn over.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
• Check in during the first two minutes, not ten minutes later. That's when they need you.
• Break starting into micro-steps: "Write your name. Now the date. Now read question one."
• Sit nearby. Your presence alone can help their brain get going. (This is called body doubling.)
• Reduce the size of the ask: "Just write one sentence to start."

𝗢𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆'𝗿𝗲 𝗴𝗼𝗶𝗻𝗴, 𝗶𝘁 𝗴𝗲𝘁𝘀 𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗶𝗲𝗿. The struggle is specifically the starting moment.

--
Task initiation is just one of eight executive function challenges I cover in a free resource bundle, with practical strategies and ways to explain each one to children. There's a guide for educators and one for parents: https://www.patreon.com/posts/resource-bundle-146568403

Please share this if it would help someone

12/01/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗵𝗲𝗮𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗽𝗿𝗮𝗶𝘀𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗳𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝗲𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘃𝗲.

Some children struggle with direct praise. It might make them anxious, or they might argue back, deflect, or shut down completely.

For demand avoidant children, praise can feel like pressure to keep performing. For children with low self-esteem, it clashes so hard with how they see themselves that they can't let it in.

But overheard praise? That feels different. It feels true.

--
𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲:
"Did you see how she handled that earlier? I was really impressed."
"He's been so thoughtful this week. I've noticed it a few times."
"She really stuck with it. I'm proud of her."
"He was so kind to his sister earlier. Completely unprompted."
"She's really found her stride with this topic."
"He helped someone today without being asked. I wanted to tell you."

It doesn't need to be elaborate. Just genuine. And said within earshot.

--

𝗔 𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘁𝗲𝗮𝗺𝘀 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗳𝗮𝗺𝗶𝗹𝗶𝗲𝘀:
This works at home as well as school. And it makes a brilliant mini-CPD moment. Raise it in your next staff meeting. Five minutes. One idea. Imagine the difference if everyone tried this tomorrow.

If this is useful, please share it so more people see it

08/01/2026

When a child is kicking off, it can be hard to know how to respond.

Our thinking-speaking brain tends to go offline in the heat of the moment, which is why it helps to have a few phrases ready before you need them.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽:
"You're right, this is hard."
Agreeing with something small can interrupt the escalation. You're not giving in. You're finding common ground.

"I'm going to stop talking for a bit. I'm not going anywhere."
Silence can be a gift, but only if they know you're still there.

"That was tough. Are you okay?"
Opens the door to reconnection without pushing them through it.

𝗬𝗼𝘂 𝗱𝗼𝗻'𝘁 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗼 𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗴𝘂𝗺𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝘆𝗼𝘂'𝗿𝗲 𝗶𝗻𝘃𝗶𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼. But when you do respond, you're not trying to win. You're trying to stay connected.

I've put together a free one-pager with more scripts like these.

https://www.patreon.com/posts/resource-quick-146567568

Please share if you think others would find this useful.

07/01/2026

𝗣𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝘄𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝘁𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗷𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻.

The first week back can feel baffling. A child who was finally settling before the holidays now acts like they barely know you. They’re prickly, withdrawn, or testing every boundary you thought was solid.

It’s easy to take personally. It’s not personal.

𝗧𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗻𝗲𝗿𝘃𝗼𝘂𝘀 𝘀𝘆𝘀𝘁𝗲𝗺 𝗵𝗮𝘀 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝗶𝗻 𝘀𝘂𝗿𝘃𝗶𝘃𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗼𝗱𝗲.
Two weeks is a long time when home is hard. They’ve been coping, masking, managing. Now they’re back in their safe place, but their body hasn’t caught up. Safety doesn’t feel safe yet.

So they check. They push to see if you’ll leave. They pull away before you can. They act like they don’t need you because needing you feels dangerous.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
> Be boringly consistent. Same greeting, same warmth, same you. Every single day.

> Don’t chase connection. Offer it and step back. Let them come to you.

> Tell them that you’re glad they’re back. Maybe even write it down

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝗽𝘂𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁.

They just need a few days for their nervous system to believe you’re still there.

—
Share this to your stories if it might help someone see that child differently this week.

04/01/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱 𝘄𝗵𝗼’𝘀 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗼 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗰𝗵 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗲𝗲𝗸 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗯𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘄𝗵𝗼 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱𝗲𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗲 𝗯𝗮𝗰𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁.

For some children, the holidays weren’t a break. They were survival. School is their safe place. You are their safe person.

But two weeks is a long time for a nervous system to be on high alert. Now they’re back, they might not know how to let you in again.

It can look like pushing you away. Shutting down. Testing whether you’re still safe. Acting like they don’t care.

They care. They’re just checking.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
  • Don’t take the pushing away personally. It’s not rejection. It’s protection.
  • Be boring and predictable. Same greeting, same warmth, same you. Every day.
  • Reduce demands for the first few days. Connection before correction.
  • Try sideways conversation. Walking together, sorting something, drawing side by side. Eye contact can wait.
  • Name that you’re glad they’re back. Don’t require a response.
  • Give them something small. A note, a card. Something to look at when they need reminding you’re still safe.

They’ll come back to you. It just might take a few days for their nervous system to believe you’re still there.

𝘗𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦 𝘴𝘩𝘢𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘪𝘧 𝘪𝘵 𝘮𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵 𝘩𝘦𝘭𝘱 𝘴𝘰𝘮𝘦𝘰𝘯𝘦 𝘴𝘦𝘦 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘤𝘩𝘪𝘭𝘥 𝘥𝘪𝘧𝘧𝘦𝘳𝘦𝘯𝘵𝘭𝘺 𝘵𝘩𝘪𝘴 𝘸𝘦𝘦𝘬.