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PookyH, Perpignan (2026)

26/02/2026

𝗦𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲𝗻’𝘁 𝗶𝗻𝗱𝘂𝗹𝗴𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲. 𝗧𝗵𝗲𝘆’𝗿𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗹𝗼𝗴𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗺𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲.

Many of us treat our special interests as the thing we earn after everything else is done. The emails, the cleaning, the life admin. And somehow there’s never enough time left.

But research into monotropism tells us something important: when a neurodivergent brain is deeply absorbed in something it loves, it isn’t switching off. It’s actively restoring itself. Flow states are brain maintenance, not time wasting.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝘄𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗴𝗴𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗴.
When you’re burnt out or heading that way, your special interest is usually the first thing you drop. It feels like the responsible choice. It’s actually the opposite.

𝗧𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗺𝗶𝗴𝗵𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽:
• Block out time for your interest BEFORE you plan the rest of your day, not after
• Give yourself permission to do it even when the house is a mess and the inbox is full
• If the interest itself feels like too much effort, that’s a significant warning sign that your reserves are critically low

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗶𝗻𝘁𝗲𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝘂𝘁. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗹𝗮𝘀𝘁.

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25/02/2026

This is tomorrow evening

𝗨𝗻𝗱𝗲𝗿𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗻𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗦𝘂𝗽𝗽𝗼𝗿𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗖𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗪𝗵𝗼 𝗠𝗮𝘀𝗸: 𝗮 𝟵𝟬-𝗺𝗶𝗻𝘂𝘁𝗲 𝗹𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘄𝗲𝗯𝗶𝗻𝗮𝗿 𝗼𝗻 𝗧𝗵𝘂𝗿𝘀𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝟮𝟲𝘁𝗵 𝗙𝗲𝗯𝗿𝘂𝗮𝗿𝘆 𝗮𝘁 𝟳𝗽𝗺.

If you work with or parent a child who seems fine at school but falls apart at home, this one's for you. We'll cover what masking actually is, why it develops, how to spot the quiet red flags, and practical strategies for reducing the pressure at school and at home.

Tickets are £20 here: https://www.eventbrite.com/e/understanding-and-supporting-children-who-mask-tickets-1980616631662

If your school wants to book multiple seats, email me at pooky@pookyknightsmith.com with names and email addresses and I'll raise an invoice.

See you there?

(Please share)

24/02/2026

𝗙𝗔𝗦𝗗: 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗴𝗲 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗵𝗮𝗹𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘁.

That’s the idea from Barb Clarke’s book “Raising Kids and Teens with FASD” that I keep coming back to.

Many children with foetal alcohol spectrum disorder are functioning at roughly half their chronological age developmentally. Not because they’re not trying. Because they have a physical brain injury.

𝗧𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗰𝗵𝗮𝗻𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝗵𝗼𝘄 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴.
The sixteen-year-old who won’t follow instructions? Might be working with the capacity of an eight-year-old. The consequences that keep failing? Probably pitched years above where they actually are.

𝗟𝗲𝘀𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝟭𝟬% 𝗼𝗳 𝗰𝗵𝗶𝗹𝗱𝗿𝗲𝗻 𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗼𝗲𝘁𝗮𝗹 𝗮𝗹𝗰𝗼𝗵𝗼𝗹 𝘀𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗿𝘂𝗺 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗮𝗰𝗶𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝗲𝗮𝘁𝘂𝗿𝗲𝘀 𝗽𝗲𝗼𝗽𝗹𝗲 𝗮𝘀𝘀𝗼𝗰𝗶𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵 𝗶𝘁. This is a hidden brain injury, and these children are too often punished for something they cannot control.

𝗪𝗵𝗲𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗲𝘅𝗽𝗲𝗰𝘁𝗮𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝘁𝗼 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗶𝗿 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹 𝗰𝗮𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗶𝘁𝘆, 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗽 𝗽𝘂𝗻𝗶𝘀𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗺 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗮 𝗯𝗿𝗮𝗶𝗻 𝗶𝗻𝗷𝘂𝗿𝘆.
Barb Clarke’s book is practical, warm and full of ideas like this. Really recommend it if you work with or care for children with FASD.
• Adjust your expectations to their developmental age, not their birthday
• When consequences keep failing, the strategy needs changing, not the child
• Connection first. Always.

Please share this to your stories if you know someone who’d find it useful.

23/02/2026

𝗔𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗻𝗱𝗮𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝘀𝗮𝗳𝗲𝘁𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗼𝗴𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀. 𝗜𝘁'𝘀 𝗷𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲.

It's the first day back after half term for many children today. For some, that means a knot in the stomach that started yesterday evening (or earlier). For their parents, it means bracing for a morning they already know will be hard.

Every time a child is pushed through the school gates in acute distress, that distress gets associated with school more deeply. The anxiety doesn't weaken. It strengthens. The backpack gets heavier.

This isn't about keeping children home indefinitely. It's about understanding that a child in survival mode cannot learn, cannot connect, and cannot build the positive experiences that make school feel safer over time.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
• Reducing the pressure in the acute moment, not forever, just today
• Responding to the distress before addressing the absence
• Getting curious about what's driving it once things are calm
• Working together to build a return that feels safe, not just compliant

The children who recover well tend to have a circle of adults working from the same understanding. That starts with seeing the distress for what it is: anxiety, not defiance.

I've written a free guide for parents and carers on this: what's actually going on, what to say (and what not to), and how to work with school. Free to download here: https://www.patreon.com/posts/download-when-151244028

𝗣𝗹𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗲 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝗶𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝗶𝘁 𝘄𝗼𝘂𝗹𝗱 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽 𝘀𝗼𝗺𝗲𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝘁𝗼𝗱𝗮𝘆.

19/02/2026

My favourite kind of delivery.

I cannot wait to read these beauts. Topics I care about deeply, all written by people doing brilliant work.
The full haul (swipe to see):

  • The Autism Parents’ Club - Ritu Kiran
  • We Need to Talk About Autism & Parent-Carer Blame
  • The Teen’s Guide to PDA
  • Raising Kids and Teens with FASD
  • Sorry My Mental Illness Isn’t Sexy Enough For You
  • Letting Go of Perfect
  • How to Be a Superhero Called Self-Control
  • Taya the Tortoise Activity Book

1. Which would you read first?
2. And which do you already know and love?
3. Have you read anything and loved it this half term?

19/02/2026

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗺-𝗯𝘂𝘀𝘁 𝘁𝗿𝗮𝗽 𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗻𝗲 𝗼𝗳 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗯𝗶𝗴𝗴𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝘀𝗼𝗻𝘀 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝘁𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘀𝗼 𝗹𝗼𝗻𝗴.

You start to feel a little better. So you do all the things. And then you crash again. And the cycle continues.

Half term is a classic moment for this. A few days of slightly reduced pressure and suddenly it feels like you should be catching up, getting on top of things, being productive. Proving to yourself that you’re okay.

But feeling better is not the same as being recovered. Your nervous system has just stopped sounding the alarm. The reserves are still critically low.

𝗧𝗵𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗹𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝘀𝗵𝗮𝗺𝗲 𝗮𝗿𝗼𝘂𝗻𝗱 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗯𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗯𝗮𝘁, and it is one of the things that most gets in the way of reset and recovery. We have so many messages telling us that rest has to be earned, that doing nothing is laziness, that we should be able to manage more.

𝗧𝗵𝗼𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗮𝗴𝗲𝘀 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴. 𝗔𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝘆 𝗮𝗿𝗲 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗺𝗳𝘂𝗹.
If you are supporting someone who is struggling right now, one of the most useful things you can do is give them explicit permission to rest.

Not « take it easy. » Actual nothing time, without guilt, without expectation.
• On good days, encourage rest rather than productivity
• Help them protect low-demand time, especially over breaks
• Remind them that resting is the work right now

𝗔 𝗴𝗼𝗼𝗱 𝗱𝗮𝘆 𝗶𝘀 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗺𝗶𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝘁𝗼 𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗰𝗵 𝘂𝗽. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝗲𝘃𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴.

Share this to your stories if someone you know needs to hear it.

14/02/2026

𝗡𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗶𝘀𝗻'𝘁 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻. 𝗚𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝘀 𝘄𝗿𝗼𝗻𝗴 𝗺𝗮𝗸𝗲𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝘀𝗲.

Depression says: "I don't care about doing it."
Burnout says: "I desperately want to do it, but I can't."

Depression treatment focuses on restoring interest and pleasure. Burnout recovery requires reducing demands and restoring capacity.
With depression, withdrawal often makes things worse. With burnout, withdrawal is protective and necessary.

When someone with depression does more activity, their mood can improve. When someone in burnout pushes through, they crash harder.

The self-worth difference matters too. Depression whispers "I am worthless." Burnout says "I am broken" – a grief response to sudden skill loss, to watching abilities you once had simply disappear.

𝗜'𝘃𝗲 𝗽𝘂𝘁 𝘁𝗼𝗴𝗲𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿 𝗮 𝗳𝗿𝗲𝗲 𝗴𝘂𝗶𝗱𝗲 𝗼𝗻 𝗻𝗲𝘂𝗿𝗼𝗱𝗶𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗴𝗲𝗻𝘁 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝗴𝗻𝗶𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝗿𝗲𝗰𝗼𝘃𝗲𝗿𝘆 𝗽𝗵𝗮𝘀𝗲𝘀, 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘃𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗼𝗻: 𝗵𝘁𝘁𝗽𝘀://𝘄𝘄𝘄.𝗽𝗮𝘁𝗿𝗲𝗼𝗻.𝗰𝗼𝗺/𝗽𝗼𝘀𝘁𝘀/𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗼𝘂𝗿𝗰𝗲-𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁-𝟭𝟱𝟬𝟮𝟱𝟴𝟭𝟭𝟬

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12/02/2026

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺 𝗶𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗼𝘄𝗲𝗿𝗳𝘂𝗹 𝘁𝗼𝗼𝗹 𝘆𝗼𝘂 𝗵𝗮𝘃𝗲.
When a child is melting down or shutting down, their nervous system is in survival mode. The thinking brain is offline. They can't process questions, follow instructions, or respond to reasoning.

Most of us do things that feel helpful but actually add demands.
• "What's wrong?" needs an answer.
• "Take a deep breath" is an instruction.
• "Calm down" requires processing.
All of these overwhelm an already overwhelmed system.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗮𝗰𝘁𝘂𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
Regulate yourself first.
• Take a breath.
• Drop your shoulders.
• Slow down.

Your nervous system state is contagious. If you're anxious or rushed, they'll feel it.

𝗦𝘁𝗮𝘆 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗯𝘆 𝘄𝗶𝘁𝗵𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗰𝗿𝗼𝘄𝗱𝗶𝗻𝗴.
Make yourself steady and quiet. Lower yourself to their level. Reduce noise and bright lights if you can.

𝗪𝗮𝗶𝘁.
Meltdowns have their own timescale. Trying to rush through them extends them.

If you need to speak, keep it minimal and quiet.
• "I'm here."
• "You're safe."
• "No rush."
Short statements that need no response.

𝗔𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗿 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝘁𝗼𝗿𝗺, resist the urge to debrief immediately.
They're depleted and possibly ashamed. Let them recover. Later, when they're ready, you might gently explore what happened. But right after? Give them space.

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗺 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲 𝗺𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗲𝗿𝘀 𝗺𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗮𝗻 𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗽𝗲𝗿𝗳𝗲𝗰𝘁 𝗿𝗲𝘀𝗽𝗼𝗻𝘀𝗲.
What you do in the moment shapes whether they feel safe or shamed.

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08/02/2026

𝗕𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁 𝗮𝗻𝗱 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻 𝗰𝗮𝗻 𝗹𝗼𝗼𝗸 𝗮𝗹𝗺𝗼𝘀𝘁 𝗶𝗱𝗲𝗻𝘁𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹 𝗳𝗿𝗼𝗺 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝘀𝗶𝗱𝗲.

Both involve withdrawal, exhaustion, and difficulty functioning. But they need very different responses, and getting it wrong can cause real harm.

𝗜𝗻 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗼𝗻, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘁𝘀𝗲𝗹𝗳 𝗳𝗮𝗱𝗲𝘀.
The world feels flat and grey.

𝗜𝗻 𝗯𝘂𝗿𝗻𝗼𝘂𝘁, 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗱𝗿𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝗶𝘀 𝘀𝘁𝗶𝗹𝗹 𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿𝗲, but your system can’t act on it. You desperately want to engage with your life. The capacity just isn’t available.

The standard approach for depression is behavioural activation: do more, get out more, re-engage. For burnout, that same advice can make things significantly worse.

𝗧𝗼 𝗰𝗼𝗺𝗽𝗹𝗶𝗰𝗮𝘁𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗶𝗻𝗴𝘀 𝗳𝘂𝗿𝘁𝗵𝗲𝗿, you can have both at the same time. Prolonged burnout can tip into depression, and depression can make you more vulnerable to burning out. When they overlap, untangling which is which gets harder, but it still matters, because the response to each is different.

𝗜𝗳 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝘃𝗲 𝗯𝗲𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗼𝗹𝗱 𝘆𝗼𝘂’𝗿𝗲 𝗱𝗲𝗽𝗿𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗲𝗱 and the standard advice is making you worse, not better, it’s worth asking whether burnout might be part of the picture.

I’m currently writing a free guide to neurodivergent burnout for adults, covering what it actually is, how to spot it, how to recover, and how to stop it coming back. I’ll share it on Patreon as soon as it’s ready (patreon.com/pookyh)

Please share this to your stories if you know someone who needs to hear the difference.

05/02/2026

𝗚𝗲𝘁𝘁𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝗼𝗳𝘁𝗲𝗻 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗵𝗮𝗿𝗱𝗲𝘀𝘁 𝗽𝗮𝗿𝘁.

For many neurodivergent learners, it's not the work that's hard. It's the starting. Executive function differences mean the bit of the brain that plans, prioritises and initiates can struggle to fire up on demand.

Here are some things that help:

𝗚𝗶𝘃𝗲 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝗳𝗶𝗿𝘀𝘁 𝗹𝗶𝗻𝗲. Write it for them, or say "Your first word is..." Removing the blank page removes the block.

𝗦𝗶𝘁 𝗻𝗲𝗮𝗿𝗯𝘆 𝘄𝗼𝗿𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴. No interaction needed. Just your presence doing work helps them do work. This is called body doubling and it's remarkably effective.

𝗦𝗵𝗿𝗶𝗻𝗸 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘁𝗮𝘀𝗸. "Just write one sentence." Small and achievable beats big and overwhelming, every time.

𝗧𝗮𝗹𝗸 𝗯𝗲𝗳𝗼𝗿𝗲 𝘄𝗿𝗶𝘁𝗲. Let them say their answer out loud first. Speaking is often easier than writing.

The common thread: reduce the size of the first step and don't leave them facing it alone.

This is a slide from a session I'm delivering in Coventry today (Hello Coventry!) If it's useful, please share it.

02/02/2026

𝗣𝗿𝗼𝗰𝗲𝘀𝘀𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝘁𝗶𝗺𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮 𝗱𝗲𝗹𝗮𝘆. It’s the brain doing exactly what it needs to do.

When an autistic person pauses after a question, a lot is happening. Taking in the words. Making sense of them. Forming a response. Finding the right language. This takes time, and that time varies depending on the question, the environment, and how much energy is already spent.

The instinct to repeat or rephrase comes from a good place. You want to help. But each time you do it, you’re not adding clarity. You’re adding more input to process. The brain has to abandon what it was working on and start again.

It’s like someone concentrating hard on a jigsaw, and you keep swapping the pieces.

𝗪𝗵𝗮𝘁 𝗵𝗲𝗹𝗽𝘀:
✦ Wait longer than feels comfortable. Count to ten in your head if you need to.
✦ If you’re genuinely unsure whether they heard, a quiet “still thinking?” gives them a way back in without restarting the whole process.
✦ Reduce background noise and visual distractions where you can. Processing is harder when there’s more competing for attention.

𝗬𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝘀𝗶𝗹𝗲𝗻𝗰𝗲 𝗶𝘀𝗻’𝘁 𝗮𝘄𝗸𝘄𝗮𝗿𝗱 𝗳𝗼𝗿 𝘂𝘀. 𝗜𝘁’𝘀 𝘁𝗵𝗲 𝘀𝗽𝗮𝗰𝗲 𝘄𝗲 𝗻𝗲𝗲𝗱.

Please share this to your stories if you know someone who’d find it useful.

PookyH

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