27/04/2026
I went back into work today. Taking things exceedingly gently as I'm not quite 100%, but this condition can take WEEKS to go away and I can't just stay at home forever.
Being off work for a few days has given me some goodly time to think about the way I operate. Flirting with burnout and running on empty has been the way I have survived most of my adult life- and at least a part of that, I can't change because it is simply who I am. I was born on " the day of exciting instability". Everything from the placement of Uranus in my natal chart to the "disrupter" in my Human Design chart says I am not meant to live a gentle and chill life, I am SUPPOSED to live flying by the seat of my pants. The gods have made me exactly as I am to enable me to do what I am here to do.
Stormy weather is my comfy place.
However... because you see, there is ALWAYS a however ...
There is a difference between not being afraid of the Storm, and willingly sticking your finger into a plug socket...
There are those that will tell you I have always been a feisty one. But there are others who will tell you I am one of the gentlest souls you will ever meet. Both are true and both are relative to who you are and how you know me. What I can tell you though, is that I have ALWAYS been drawn to nurture people. I believe it to be one of my most admirable and one of my most pain-in-the-ass qualities.
It has taken me until literally the last few months, over a slow and painful process of years, to learn that I do not HAVE to hold space for everyone. To understand that just because I can do something for somebody it doesn't mean I am obliged to. I have literally made myself ill jumping through hoops to support people in the past, bending myself into impossible shapes to accommodate the needs of other people and spreading myself far too thinly or watering myself down to be palatable to the masses.
I'm a Priestess, and yes, that is about service. But what I've learned is that it is not always about serving everyone who thinks they need my support or skill set. Not everybody deserves a place at my table. Sometimes it is about serving the Gods, and to do that, I need to be able to say 'No' to things that don't fit.To people asking too much of me.
I often attract people who feel some sense of ownership of me. It's a common phenomenon in this field. Sometimes when people choose to learn from you, or you have been able to help or support them in some way, they can end up idolising you. They put you on a pedestal and you can do no wrong. That will only last until you say or do something that they disapprove of- at which point you become the villain. There is no middle ground. No space for humanity. It's a classic switch cycle. Love slips directly to hate.
This used to really upset me- I was raised with a big fat approval complex, and I couldn't understand how I could literally bust my ass for people who would then sh*t on me. But I get it now. Psychology is a powerful learning tool, and now I understand how the above happens, I no longer carry it with me.
So much of my work centres around being a priestess, that I sometimes forget that I am also a witch.
A witch is not designed to belong . A witch understands that her role doesn't exist to carry people or make friends. Her place is not one of popularity, it is of the liminal.
It is of the shadowline.
What I'm saying is this.
For me to continue to do the work I do, it is necessary for me to be both the queen of cups and the queen of swords. For me to hold the space that I need to hold for my work AND for my own wellness, I will be saying 'no' more often. I will not be typing emails with one hand while I cook/eat dinner with the other. I will not be chasing things I don't need to chase and I will not be giving second and third chances to people who drop me on my arse or don't appreciate me or the work that I do.
I will not be making excuses for other people's poor behaviour or lack of boundaries, and I certainly won't be putting up with it myself. For the last 6 months (wait, sooooo much longer) I have allowed myself to be dragged into some ridiculous dramas because of other people's inability to deal with their s**t like big girls or to regulate their emotional responses.
Because here's the thing. I do not HAVE to fix you. I do not have to keep you above water or put out fires for you. And I do not HAVE to like you . You do not HAVE to like me. And I am allowed to not care if you like me or not - because what you think of me is none of my business 🤷🏽♀️
My priority going forward is going to be on maintaining strong and healthy boundaries so that I can give The deserved amount of energy to myself, my work, and my family.
And for those of you who see me, REALLY see me, and understand why I am here, thank you. You make my job worth doing. The amount of love and support I have had from you these last few days when I have been unwell has blown me away.
Here is a picture of my ample, middle aged, bottom for your entertainment - sporting my very favourite Alice In Wonderland knickers in honour of my very special adventures with "Alice in Wonderland Syndrome" 🙌🤣
