Kay Thomas Counselling

13/11/2025

I love this and greatly admire Julia Samuel MBE and her wisdom and insights

Why We Struggle with Our Feelings 🧠 💓

I’ve just finished .brackett brilliant book Dealing with Feeling and it got me thinking about why so many of us find emotions difficult to manage.

Most of us weren’t taught how. Many of us grew up hearing “don’t cry,” “calm down,” or “you’re too sensitive.” We learned to suppress rather than understand what we feel.

Why we have emotions:

Emotions exist to give us information. Fear alerts us to danger. Anger tells us our boundaries have been crossed. Sadness signals loss. Joy shows us what matters. They’re not problems to fix – they’re data to decode.

What is emotional regulation?

It’s not about controlling or eliminating emotions. It’s recognising what you feel, understanding why, and responding in ways that serve you rather than sabotage you.

Why we can’t deal with our feelings:

We confuse feelings with facts. When we feel anxious, we believe something terrible will happen. When we feel rejected, we assume we’re unlovable. We mistake the emotion for reality instead of information.

We also lack vocabulary. Many of us can only name a handful of emotions – happy, sad, angry, fine. Without precise words, we can’t process what’s happening inside us.

Strategies to quiet mind and body:

✨ Name it to tame it – simply labelling an emotion reduces its intensity.

✨ Breathe before you react – three slow breaths create space to choose your response.

✨ Ask what this feeling needs – anger may need boundaries, sadness acknowledgment, anxiety reassurance.

Practice makes permanent:

The more you pause to name and understand your emotions, the more automatic it becomes. Each time you choose to respond rather than react, you strengthen your capacity for emotional regulation.

The goal isn’t to feel good all the time. It’s to feel all your feelings and know what to do with them.

If you want to learn more about this life-changing knowledge, join me and Prof Marc Brackett at our event next week: Therapy Works LIVE: How to Increase Your Emotional Intelligence 🎙️

Wednesday 19th November, 6.30pm, The Hearth, Queen’s Park.

Ticket link in my stories ⬆️

09/11/2025

The Primrose Centre is a much-needed charity in Bromley that was founded to support anyone who has received a breast cancer diagnosis. Now run by an awesome team of volunteers, they offer an amazing array of treatments, therapies and activities to clients who visit from far and wide to benefit from their holistic approach to cancer care.

I work there on Tuesday afternoons in a counselling capacity and have witnessed first hand the empathy and support that the Primrose team offers to all. From specialist bra advice to art therapy, acupuncture and yoga... it's a haven to all who need it. While medical teams deal with the scientific part of cancer treatment, The Primrose Centre helps with the rest: the loneliness and isolation; the fear; the worries about changing appearance and identity; the lack of control and the life changes, to name but a few.

And all of this is only made possible by the generosity of those who know and value the Centre.

Please pop in and say hi on Tuesday as the team celebrates 15 incredible years.

Tiny grassroots charities like The Primrose Centre need all the love and support they can get so that they can help many others as they undertake their journey with breast cancer.

Pop in and say hello on Tuesday !!

31/10/2025

If you're struggling at this time of year, you're not alone.

When you're grieving big events can be hard - but celebratory ones with reminders of death can be doubly so.

Know that whatever you're feeling is normal - because there's no right way to grieve.

And if this Halloween reminds you of how hard you're finding life right now due to a loss, there are things you can do that might help.

Get in touch if you think bereavement counselling might be one of them.

When you're grieving, Halloween can be a difficult time.

With memories of past celebrations, unexpected knocks at the door or death-related symbolism, Halloween can evoke intense emotions.

This is a reminder to look after yourself and check on your friends this Halloween 💜

https://www.cruse.org.uk/

25/10/2025

Don’t forget the clocks go back an hour tonight🍂🍁⏰

I’ll relish the extra hour in bed as I know I need 8-9 hours, but rarely get it.

I also know from client work that when we are well rested we’re:

🥊 more resilient
😩less anxious
🤩 more likely to make better decisions
🧠 likely to have better memory

Sleep is when we repair. It’s important that we prioritise it to help us beat off illness and better handle stress. And I’ve seen this in my practice - when clients improve their sleep, they are much better able to cope with what life is throwing their way.

I’ve reduced caffeine and am walking outdoors more.

What do you find helps you get more shut-eye?

21/10/2025

5 Fun Facts About A Therapist

Hello 👋
I have a few new followers on here so thought I'd do an intro of sorts. Those of us in the psychotherapeutic counselling industries are not known to be forthcoming about ourselves, and with good reason. Sessions are about you, not me (plus: boundaries!). But, counselling is all about the therapeutic relationship, and so if you're considering counselling, here's a little bit of background on me:

1. I'm a pluralistic therapist. This means that although my training was an interesting balance of person centred theories and psychodynamic learning, in practice I borrow from a wide range of approaches, depending on who and what I'm working with.

2. I'm really terrible at selfies. My kids tell me all the time and hate my 'melfies' (mum-selfies). This is the only half-decent one I can find and - disclosure - it's about five years old.

3. I love to sing. At one point I was in 5 choirs, including a group that sings in care homes and community centres. Quite frankly, it was a ridiculous amount of music to hold in my head.

4. I know my way around a tennis court and am no stranger to a Pilates mat. I'm also a reluctant gym goer (although I'd rather stand in the loo and sing show tunes than do a lunge, but I'm working on that!).

5. I don't work from home thanks to my furry companion, Oscar. We adopted Oscar The Ragdoll and he's very demanding. And floofy. Not good for clients with cat allergies or a need for personal space. We're working on his boundaries – but he's a slow learner and ignores the Emotions Wheel.

I'm currently working in and town centre and I have limited availability but do have more space for online or phone sessions.

My areas of experience include:
*addiction issues
*life transitions, including redundancy, divorce, job change, becoming a parent
*anxiety
*living with neurodiversity
*relationship issues
*bereavement
*living with a long-term health issue, incl dementia and cancer

Drop me an email if you'd like to know more about how I work at info@kaythomascounselling.com

21/10/2025

Sometimes three simple words can change everything.

💭 “I wonder why.”

When we pause to get curious instead of reactive, we make space for empathy, for understanding, and for genuine connection.
“I wonder why they’re reacting this way.”
“I wonder why they’re feeling this way.”
“I wonder why I’m feeling this way.”

Curiosity softens the edges of conflict.
It turns defensiveness into dialogue, and anger into awareness.
Because when we wonder, we listen.
And when we listen, we heal.

(Image credit: Lori Deschene / tinybuddha.com)

13/10/2025

The critical inner voice that whispers on a loop in the ears of people with ADHD is incessant until eventually, we become our own biggest bully.

Whether diagnosed or not if you believe you are living with ADHD, counselling can help you to talk that bully down. And creating a more understanding, compassionate voice is powerful.

If this resonates with you, get in touch

www.kaythomascounselling.com

01/10/2025

Feeling a little cross or a big bit ragey?

I've written a musing on anger over on the blog this week. Have a read by clicking the link, below.

As an interesting aside about the link between hunger and anger - being 'hangry' is genetic. Some people never feel hangry at all and it's all down to your DNA.

https://kaythomascounselling.com/2025/10/01/why-you-should-make-friends-with-your-anger/

26/09/2025

It's been a busy month as everyone heads back to normality after summer hols and school breaks.

But kids aren't the only ones returning to learning... I'm committed to ongoing professional development, and that means the learning never stops. Alongside the reading and research I undertake into topics that present themselves to me in the counselling space, here's a selection of just a few of the workshops, seminars and presentations I've attended this month. Lots of notebooks filled and the further reading list grows longer, of course...

19/09/2025

Yup, healing is a journey and the road is never a straight one. Be kind to yourself en route

🌱 Healing from trauma is not a straight line.

Some days you may feel like you’re making progress, other days it can feel like you’re right back at the start. This doesn’t mean you’re failing. It means you’re human, and your mind and body are working hard to process what’s happened.

Relapses, dips in mood, feeling triggered or unable to get out of bed, these are all part of the healing journey. Just as much as the moments of strength, hope, and “maybe I’ve overcome this?”

At Hope Therapy Services, we understand how complex and overwhelming trauma recovery can feel. That’s why we offer specialist trauma therapy designed to support you at every stage of the journey – whether you’re just beginning to process, feeling stuck, or ready to move forward.

You don’t have to do this alone. 🌿

📞 Get in touch today to find out how we can help you or someone you care about.

Image credit:

12/09/2025

I've been very quiet on social media of late... mainly due to being busy. But I have made time this month to look for new learning opportunities, specifically around working with clients who are neurodiverse. I've got a workshop on ADHD and Food and another on ADHD and Relationships.
And I found this lovely testimonial on my Psychology Today profile from a peer. https://www.psychologytoday.com/gb/counselling/kay-thomas-bromley/1432530

Always nice to receive kind words, isn't it?

22/08/2025

A while ago I noticed that the plants in my office and my daughter's bedroom were failing to flourish. Some were brown and a bit dusty looking; others were tiny and slow growing. One - an aloe - had been dropped and was looking broken and sad. In short, they were not happy.

So, I took action.

I moved them to the bathroom, wiped their leaves, added coffee grounds, pruned, watered, fed with seaweed solution and generally provided a little attention. I even chatted to them.

They started to perk up. Some have even flourished.

There was nothing wrong with these plants that a changed approach, time, care and attention couldn't fix.

And humans are much the same.
Counselling can help people by providing a safe, confidential, non judgemental space in which you can identify what's working for you, and what isn't. And by taking the time to process difficult thoughts and feelings in a supportive environment, you can see what needs to change so you can flourish.
Like a spider plant 🪴🌿🪴