Wheely Happy Days

31/12/2025

** New blog posts **
Sha's written several diary entries and I've been v lax in getting them onto the website. But I'm catching up now.
Starting with 2 a year-ralted ones.
Firstly, today's entry, marking the end of 2025 and a pretty s**te Christmas time.
Secondly, one from November, marking the September anniversary of her developing FND.
I hope you all have whatever kind of new year you most need right now. And wishing you a 2026 better than what 2025 did to you.
- theaardvark

Today's - https://wheelyhappydays.uk/wednesday-31-december-2025-the-end-of-the-year/
8th Nov - https://wheelyhappydays.uk/over-one-year-saturday-8th-november-2025/

31/12/2025

Through the revolving door we go. From my little corner of the world, my house to yours. Sending you well wishes 🙏💜

Taken from Tim Minchin and The Heritage Orchestra (Live at the Royal Albert Hall)

22/12/2025

22/12/2025

Daily journal. When the Wheels Fall Off: Finding Light in the Dark, under the safety of your duvet.

Morning (3:34 am) from under my duvet fortress, where I'm currently hiding with the cats and pretending the world doesn't exist.

You know that saying, "what goes up must come down"? Well, I'm living proof this morning. After a genuinely lovely weekend, where I felt optimistic and happier, things seemed to be shifting in the right direction, and I actually felt hopeful... I could even see a glimmer of light coming my way. I've crashed. Hard.

The culprit? The absolute worst night's sleep in the history of insomnia, and trust me, I've had some proper shockers. Far too much overthinking, my mind won't settle. Combined with overdoing it yesterday, both physically and emotionally.

I should know better by now. My body's sent me a very clear invoice for yesterday's activities, and the payment's due in full today. No excuses! Payback. It's my own fault.

I feel broken, in pain, so very sad. I need to be put back together with super glue because plasters and sticky tape just won't achieve even a basic level of stability needed to get through today, and I genuinely don't know where to start.

Everything feels too heavy, too hard, too much, and the thing with chronic illness: you can't just brush it off. I really want to. I love nothing more than to cheerfully get up, shake it off, and start fresh. But sadness is sitting heavily on my chest. Getting up. Facing anyone, even existing, feels impossible right now.

So I'm hiding, just for a bit. Hoping time does that weird thing where it seems to pass more quickly when you're trying not to think or pay attention. Hoping I can gather enough spoons and courage to face the world later. Trying to find something. Anything to achieve it. So here are three good things from yesterday before it all went pear-shaped:

The weekend optimism was real, the happiness was real- even if I'm paying for it now, those moments of hope actually happened, and they matter

The cats are here - warm, purring, non-judgemental company when I need it most

I recognised the crash coming - that's progress, even if I can't stop it

Today's mantra: "Surviving today is enough. I am enough"

This is the reality with my Ellyllons, the ups and downs, the highs and lows. The payback. It's endless.

The crushing sadness when your body and mind betray you again. Even with tired, painful eyes, the tiny flicker of a silver lining in the darkness seems so very far away; you have to squint to see it.

Today's not going to be pretty; my only hope is that it'll pass.

Today, KOKO (keep on keeping on even, even if it feels impossible, but I will try, even if it's from under my duvet)

Love Sha
Ps. I've always tried so hard to be 100% truthful about the day-to-day, hour-to-hour, minute-to-minute struggles of having a chronic illness and depression. It's not all silver linings and rainbows, these words are my own, everyone's experience is different. I will make myself feel better. For me.

I send warm, well, happy seasons greetings to all. Hoping you have a happy, restful, comfortable Christmas. Here's to a better year ahead in 2026. X

19/12/2025

Well today is the day, I've waited 18 months to see a consultant neuropsychologist. I've FND, ME/CFS, Fibro and suffer Heamoplegic migraines. I'm hoping this is where a treatment plan really starts and I begin to recover. I'm so nervous, any advice on what I should (or if my speech goes) my husband should remember to talk about? It's been such a hard time, I'm so very anxious. Any advice gratefully received. Sha 💜

18/12/2025

Daily journal: When the Ellyllons Take the Wheel.

I've been a bit quiet recently. I don't know if it's the time of year, the weather, or just the Ellyllons deciding to throw a proper party at my expense. I've been stuck in a flare for days now - round and round that vicious circle of pain, exhaustion, depression, insomnia, migraines and nightmares.

This morning I woke up with fingernail imprints in the palms of my hands. Proper deep ones that hurt. That's new. I must have been clenching my fists so hard during the night - bad dreams or new symptoms, I can't remember any of it. Slept quite deeply, apparently, but was wide awake at 4:10am, and I feel like I need another night's sleep again, which is absolutely taking the p**s if you ask me. Because the world outside these four walls keeps turning, and I'm stuck still-ish.

My pain levels are up - deep, grinding and relentless, making everything else harder. My balance is all over the shop, and the dizziness keeps coming in waves. Even sitting in a chair feels like I'm on a boat in rough seas sometimes. The world won't stay still, and my body won't cooperate.

At least if I were actually on a boat, there'd be a bar, a nice view, and I could bathe in warm sunshine, drinking in all that vitamin D goodness. Instead, I get my bedroom ceiling and the cats judging me from the doorway because they want food.

I kept falling asleep throughout most of yesterday. I did have my lashes done, and managed to help with dinner and all that - but then couldn't actually eat the bloody dinner. It turns out that being a culinary assistant doesn't guarantee an appetite. Who knew?

If I'm honest, I'm struggling with life at the moment. Over the past few days, everything has felt heavy and grey. I'm sure I'll perk up soon - I know this is all part of riding the chronic illness big dipper with my Ellyllons entirely in control of when I can get off. I've just got to take it an hour at a time. But right now I've really lost my will to give a s**t, I and I don't like it because that's not like me. It's so lonely and isolating, it's not something I can't just push on through; that just makes things worse.

I guess I need to listen to my body and wait for it to blow over. Trouble is, my body's communication style at the moment is less "helpful suggestion" and more "acting like an angry toddler and having a menopausal meltdown in Asda". (True story, been there before). But bloody hell, I'm tired of waiting for better days, and there's no way I can force that change and can't put on the happy face, the "t**s and teeth darling" happy mask.

Three Things (Because Even on S**t Days, There's Something)

1. Clean pyjamas - Fresh ones. Small comfort, but comfort nonetheless.

2. Heated blankets - When you're stuck in bed feeling like death, being warm matters. A lot.

3. I can still write/dictate this - Even if it's taken ages and I could give up right now. My speech keeps glitching, and my fingers are being bastards. But I'm here. I'm communicating. Even if I am a misery, it's here to remind me when I look back. That's something.

Today's Mantra
"Surviving is enough. Tomorrow can wait."

To anyone else in the thick of it right now: You're not alone. Sometimes we don't bounce back quickly. Sometimes the darkness sits on our backs with us for longer. And that's okay. We're still here. That counts for something.

Have a restful, peaceful day🙏

Love Sha

15/12/2025

This resonated with me today.

15/12/2025

Good Morning Insomniacs! Welcome to another oh-so-joyful edition of... 🥁 The Insomnomaniacs Neunerology Game!
(That's neurology meets numerology for those playing at home)

Let's face it - with my FND and other Ellyllons there are infinite combinations of bo****ks my brain can throw at me at stupid o'clock when I can't sleep, so this could genuinely become a regular feature... if I can remember to do it. Which, you know, gestures vaguely at brain fog.

This morning's wake-up 02:23
According to numerology, seeing 02:23 is apparently a strong call for balance, relationships, diplomacy, and duality. It emphasises harmony between partners and self, with the underlying energy of the successful, courageous, and cooperative number 23. Essentially, it suggests that fostering connections and collaborating with others leads to prosperity and protection. I call bulls**t!

The message? Trust your intuition, embrace partnership, and use your diplomatic skills for growth. In essence, 02:23 is a spiritual nudge to:

Prioritise relationships and supportive connections
Seek balance: Find harmony within yourself and with others.
Trust your intuition: Your sensitive nature guides you towards success.
Embrace diplomacy: Use tact to navigate challenges and build bridges.

Or, you know, it's just my Ellyllons being absolute t***s at 2am. Either way, I'm awake now, and I know how much you love it when I share this s**t! You're very 🤗 welcome

Sweet dreams, you lucky, lucky people 😁

KOKO
Sha x 💜
P.S. No offence intended if Nemeroloy is your thing, but it's not mine at 2am.

**tAt2AM

14/12/2025

Well, that was a lovely little nap... said no one with chronic pain ever.

💤Just surfaced after a few hours kip and my body's already staging a protest. Think it's time to top up the painkiller reserves and I hereby declare today an official Duvet Day. All plans cancelled due to leaves on the line. 🍂

Anyone wishing to join me is most welcome (but not under MY duvet though, obviously, only the cats). Paul Taylor & Connor John Taylor are welcome and even then, they're bringing their own duvets. I can make it to the sofa but I'm not sharing. 😀

Today's mission (should you choose to accept it):

Avoid ALL Christmas movies. Seriously. If I see one more wholesome family gathering round a perfectly decorated tree, I might lose it. I'm in full-on Grinch mode here today 🎄❌ but I've hopefully a little sense of humour left hiding in my little toe.

Surviving today will be a festive achievement, and it doesn't need a soundtrack of jingle bells and fake snow. 🚫

Have a peaceful and restful Sunday 👼🙏

Thank you for reading, you are blessed😀

KOKO 💜

Love Sha x

14/12/2025

Well, this is proper bo****ks.
Yesterday I rested ALL day so I could go to the CLP Christmas Social last night. Didn't drink, didn't dance, didn't do anything wild - just sat and chatted with lovely Labour community friends. It's the first time I've been properly social in months.

And now? 3am, wide awake, staring into the darkness, pain levels through the bloody roof despite maxing out my painkillers. The Ellyllons are having a right laugh at my expense.

This is the trade-off: a few hours of everyday human interaction costs days of payback. But you know what? Seeing friends, having actual conversations, feeling like myself again for a bit? Worth it. Even now, lying here waiting for sleep to show some mercy.

Just wish the payback cost wasn't so steep.

06:34 still waiting for sleep; but in less discomfort. Silver lining, I guess, plus it's Sunday and it's not like I've s busy calendar.

KOKO,💜