14/05/2021
It's and I've been meaning to find the words and write something since Monday. In previous years I've talked about my team of purple hearts, the warriors that battle with depression, anxiety, adhd, su***de, eating disorders. I've talked about how we can all rally to make sure they aren't alone, to check in on the strong friends that say everything is fine, but this year is a little different.
This tiny tablet has been my daily companion since Christmas. I've fought low patches of mental health before, the odd month here and there when work has been quiet or the weather is rubbish and my duvet feels like the safest place to be but last winter was different. That was the first time I truly understood what all those purple hearted warriors really faced. It was the first time I genuinely felt like nothing would ever get better. I had crippling panic attacks, anxiety that had me shaking and stopped me leaving my friends sofa for weeks, depression like I've never felt before. It has been nothing short of exhausting.
So today I simply wanted to say this, to myself as much as anyone else, there's no shame in it. There's no shame in hitting breaking point, there's no shame in asking for help. Filling in the form for the doctors to finally request medical help was terrifying but the best decision I made, reaching out to a therapist made me feel physically sick but she is a wonderful addition to my life. I am so much more than my depression, and its true that no words will ever explain those battles fully but its teaching me some powerful lessons.
There is more going on in people's minds then we can ever know, so tread gently, live compassionately, love kindly.
I'm still learning to face each day and to dream again but I know it will get better. Slowly, steadily, with some days that are worse than others. But never alone, no matter what this is a fight fought by a whole team. Wherever you are at in your battle today, I see you, you deserve a medal for coming this far 💜