The Not So Fertile Psychologist

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The Not So Fertile Psychologist

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Supporting women & couples to find balance on the rollercoaster of infertility💗

10+ years as a psychologist
3+ years of my own secondary infertility journey🍍

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09/12/2025

I was broken.

Years of trying, failed treatments, an early miscarriage, and the relentless cycle of hope and disappointment had left me struggling in ways I’d never experienced before.

And as a clinical psychologist working with mums and babies, I was surrounded daily by what I desperately wanted but couldn’t have.

I knew I needed support. I knew I needed time away from that role whilst I processed my grief and trauma.

So, I reached out to my supervisor who was very supportive.

I then got a call from a senior member of the leadership team. That’s when I heard it: “We’ve all had our problems Grace, but really.....”

In that moment, my experience was minimised to just another “problem” I should be handling better. As if years of infertility, medical procedures, and cumulative grief were something I should just get on with.

And if this can happen in mental health services, imagine how often it happens everywhere else.

I really wish that she had understood that infertility isn’t something you can always just push yourself through. It’s ongoing trauma. It’s loss after loss. It’s uncertainty about the future. It’s trying to heal from something you’re still living through.

I wasn’t weak for needing time away. I was human. And I now know it was brave to say what I needed.

If you’ve ever had your infertility experience minimised or dismissed, I see you. Your struggle is valid. Your pain is real. And you’re not overreacting.

This journey is brutal, and it deserves to be acknowledged as such.

💕 Want to be part of a community that truly understands? Comment SUPPORT below to join my Beyond the Wait newsletter where your experience is never minimised or dismissed.

Remember: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.

08/12/2025

This time of year can bring such conflicting emotions.

Part of you genuinely wants to embrace the festive season. You want to enjoy the lights, the traditions, the time with loved ones. You want to feel that Christmas magic you used to feel.

But underneath it all is a heavy grief.

Another Christmas without the baby you thought you’d have by now. Another year of watching your extended family grow while you remain stuck in infertility. Another round of well-meaning questions about “when you’ll have kids” over the dinner table.

You see your sibling’s children opening presents and you feel genuine joy for them AND crushing sadness that your child isn’t there too.

You love being auntie or uncle, but you desperately want to be mum or dad as well.

Two things can be true at once.

You can be excited about Christmas morning AND grieve the morning you imagined having.

You can appreciate the family you have AND long for the family you’re trying to create.

You can enjoy the festivities AND feel exhausted by the emotional weight of it all.

This isn’t you being ungrateful or negative. This is you holding complex, valid emotions that exist together - joy and grief, excitement and sadness, happiness and anger.

Or maybe all you feel is the grief, sadness or anger and that’s okay too.

If you’re struggling to navigate the complex feelings this Christmas, you’re not alone.

It’s okay to feel festive one moment and heartbroken the next. It’s okay to need to step away when it gets too much. It’s okay to cry while hanging the decorations.

Be kind to yourself through this festive period. You’re managing something incredibly difficult while trying to show up for the people you love.

💕 Want support navigating the emotional complexities of fertility during the festive season and beyond? Comment SUPPORT below to join my Beyond the Wait newsletter community where we explore these mixed feelings together.

Remember: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.

01/12/2025

Every cycle brings that little bit of hope.

That “maybe this time.”

And every disappointment makes hope feel like setting yourself up for more pain.

It’s brutal.

You can’t just fully let go of hope because what if this is THE cycle? And what if giving up hope means missing your chance?

So you exist in this exhausting middle ground.

Too scared to hope fully. Too scared to stop hoping entirely.

The uncertainty of not knowing if this will ever happen - if all this pain will be worth it or if you’re enduring it “for nothing” - is one of the hardest parts of this journey.

Your exhaustion with the unknown is valid.

Your fear of hoping is understandable.

And your struggle to be okay with the “maybe” makes complete sense.

💕 If you’re struggling with the uncertainty of your fertility journey, comment GUIDE below and I’ll send you my free Managing Uncertainty guide with strategies to help you navigate the unknown.

Remember: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.

16/11/2025

The overwhelm and confusion of fertility advice can be too much.

Everyone has an opinion. And sifting through what you “should” and “should not” listen too is impossible.

The stakes feel huge.

Should you try acupuncture? Change your diet? Switch clinics? Wait another cycle?

Your clinic says one thing. Dr Google says another. Your friend who finally got pregnant credits something else entirely. Well-meaning family members suggest things that make you want to scream.

It has to be one of the most overwhelming aspects of infertility. The constant bombardment of advice, and the paralysing fear of not making the “right” decision.

Because this isn’t just about making a choice. It’s about the consequences of getting it “wrong”.

The financial repercussions when you’ve spent thousands.
The time lost when every month feels like an eternity.
The emotional toll of another “failed” attempt.
The physical impact of treatments that didn’t work.

And what makes it even harder is that you are willing to try almost anything because you want a baby so desperately

So, you research late into the night. You join forums. You read studies. You second-guess every decision.

Should you have gone with the other clinic? Was there a missing supplement? Did you wait too long? Move too fast? Trust the wrong advice?

The decision fatigue is massive. And the fear that you’re impacting your own chances by choosing “wrong” is brutal.

I want you to know, there is rarely one “right” answer.

The uncertainty is part of this gruelling journey, not a reflection of your decision-making.

You’re doing your best with complex information in an impossibly emotional situation.

💕 Struggling with the uncertainty and overwhelming decisions?

Reply GUIDE below for my FREE guide on navigating the uncertainty on this journey (you can also DM me)

Remember: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.

10/11/2025

This Fertility Awareness Week, I asked you to share your experiences. And you showed up.

Hundreds of you responded with truths about what infertility really looks like.

You told me about the constant state of waiting.
The toll on your relationships.
The overwhelming amount of advice you’re supposed to follow.
The joy that’s been stolen.
The milestones you’re missing.
The friendships that have changed.
The brave face you put on every single day.
The exhaustion.

The statistics from your responses are powerful:

98% of you identified grief as part of your infertility journey. Not just sadness or disappointment, but genuine grief.

Every single person who had heard “just relax”, “you’re being too sensitive” or something similarly dismissive felt awful in response. These comments dismiss the real, traumatic experience of infertility.

98% of you said infertility has changed your relationships:
68% dramatically, 30% somewhat. Only 2% said not at all. The stats speak for themselves.

These aren’t just numbers. These are real people carrying real pain that often goes unrecognised.

What it left me reflecting on was the loneliness that is so often experienced in infertility, despite so many experiencing similar struggles.

It can still feel so isolating, like you are the only one struggling this much, like you’re not handling it well enough.

But look at the statistics. You’re not alone. You’re not overreacting. And you’re not “too sensitive.”

You’re navigating something that is unbelievably hard.

Something that touches every area of your life.

Something that deserves so much more recognition and support than it gets.

Thank you for sharing your experiences this week. Thank you for being vulnerable. Thank you for helping others feel less alone.

I’ll be covering some of your responses to “what’s the hardest thing about infertility” in future posts, because your voices deserve to be heard.

Follow along for more 💕

To everyone on this journey: You did not choose this, it is not your fault, and you are not alone.

Address

Chichester

Website

http://www.hopeinmindpsychology.com/

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