Her Sacred Space

08/03/2024

When was the last time you were really proud of yourself?

I struggled to answer that question so I thought back to moments that made me pause and I can still remember the emotion, the positive ones, the ones that light you up….

This was one of my first realisations….

A holiday to Turkey, just the three of us.

It was also one of my first ever sober holidays I think since I was 16!

It was gloriously hot, the smell of holiday just everywhere, playing in the pool with my children, feeling the warm glow of the sun on my skin.

And alcohol everywhere I looked, the all-inclusive was overflowing with pretty cocktails and alluring smells…but inside me something had changed.

I’ve battled my weight, my emotions, my confidence, my self-belief, my motivation and my drive for the past 30+ years

I have used food, alcohol, s*x, shopping and I’m sure lots of other things to fill the voids that I have felt through different periods of my life.

Food could be a reward or a punishment. A social experience or one hidden away in secret.

I drank alcohol as I wanted to escape, I wanted to feel anything, something but not the emotions that I was running from. Every drink felt like I was swallowing the emotion down again like a awful tasting shot (the tequila shot as you walked into Tropical Knights on Hull Marina 25 years ago if you’re local 😉) suppressing it more and more until it became a blurry memory

But like a good old yack 🤢 it comes up when you least expect it and takes you by surprise. I didn’t plan to stop drinking it happened and it’s been one of my biggest achievements and transformations so far….if you’d have asked me if I’d ever consider being sober, I was the last person I ever thought it being possible for.

Alcohol was another reward that I deserved, right?!

I was hurting but I hurt people too and for that I’m sorry. I met some wonderful guys along my way but I just couldn’t show up for them, I hid myself and my emotions before they could do it to me. So it came across as I didn’t cold, indifferent and that I didn’t care but the truth was I really did.

Disassociation on the biggest scale

Then it was only when I felt that the very fragile existence that I had built came crashing down that I’ve re-built it, on my terms, my way and it feels in complete alignment.

Healing isn’t about getting rid of the darkness, it’s about learning to love those parts of you too.

I tried and tested so many things but some have stuck and now are my go-to’s.

These are things that have supported my journey but it is unique to everyone, I’m so aware that I can do of all these things but if I don’t continue to address stress, my shadows, trauma, it’s an uphill battle:

🩵Alcohol free since 1st Jan 2022
🩵Sleep 8-9 hours (magnesium is great to support sleep)
🩵Avoid processed foods especially those containing xenoestrogens (hormone disruptors)
🩵Do not take birth control (since I was 20)
🩵No pharmaceutical products, treat myself and children homoeopathically
🩵Non toxic beauty products and household products
🩵Support my adrenals to reduce the impact of my adrenal fatigue
🩵Love to walk in nature 3-5 times per week
🩵Pull a daily tarot or oracle card
🩵Connect with the energies and phases of the moon
🩵Burn incense
🩵Lover and collector of herbal teas
🩵EFT
🩵Breathwork
🩵Eat organic chicken and fish
🩵No dairy, eggs or gluten
🩵Drink filtered alkaline water

I can’t even pinpoint the place of no turning back, when these became the norm for me as when I brought them into my life, it felt like a return and it felt safe.

What I do know to be true is my children don’t deserve the broken version of me so that’s why everyday I dedicate to becoming the version of me that won’t pass on the brokenness

06/03/2024

I’ve always felt it and known, it’s been there lingering in the background…….abandonment

Abandonment is my core wound but I cut it a little deeper every time I didn’t stand up from myself, and it wasn’t just with my Dad, with partners, I chose emotionally unavailable partners as it was safe, it felt familiar and it was all I knew so I thought all I deserved.

I’ve experienced controlling, coercive and emotionally abusive relationships twice as I didn’t believe in myself enough.

Every time I denied myself or didn’t speak up I abandoned myself

But I hold myself in the fact that back then I didn’t know how, I didn’t know where to turn and I didn’t know why.

I ran from my shadows, wouldn’t ask myself the really hard questions and I suppressed any emotion that bubbled within for a really long time….

To now, to this point, there’s no blame, no criticism, no shame, there’s forgiveness for me and for them, there’s understanding, there’s empathy and a commitment.

A promise to myself to never second guess myself, that nudge, that ni**le, that knowing.

I will never abandon myself like he left me

I took back my inner power, intuition, worth, vision and knowing.

I realised who I truly am, recognised my worth and that I’m no longer willing to accept less than I deserve

It wasn’t just my thoughts, feelings and emotions that I supported but my overall wellbeing because an absolute priority.

Freeing the wild woman within, trusting where I am being guided to and claiming all of the parts of me.

I honour and respect my cycles and I flow in sync with them rather than trying to fight against them

If you decide to listen to the call, it can be overwhelming, hard, some days will make you want to quit but then the power and the roar inside of you stirs up and ignites the warrior within you

04/03/2024

When you realise the time is here, you instantly know, you feel it.

A knowing, a buzz, a vibration, an emotion…

And you trust it

The deep inner knowing starts to ignite and you turn towards it, as I didn’t for a really long time.

I became someone I didn’t recognise, living life on auto-pilot and each day played out over and over again…

Subscribing to others philosophies, what they perceived I should be doing and how my life should be working out

I stepped away from hustle and burnout in business two years ago to give myself the opportunity to heal, reassess and to turn inwards and I have in soooooo many ways. Discovered parts of me that I didn’t know existed upon the layers and layers of s**t that I hadn’t fully recognised I was carrying.

However what I did was set some stuff down that had been weighing heavily and instead took on others burden that wasn’t mine to bear but it’s only very recently that I’ve dared to put it down.

I thought I’d been there and done that when I left a long-term relationship four and a half years ago that I had not been able to show up as my most authentic self but the realisation hit me that the patterns/the conditioning had manifested in other aspects of my life and other relationships and today I’m not just placing the weight of the chains down, I’m breaking them, so there’s no opportunity to pick them back up

I’ve sat and asked myself what do I want, what is it that means so much to me and it’s living my most authentic life in the fullest expression, untamed, unfiltered and unapologetic.

It’s taken 15,705 days in this lifetime (I was 43 years yesterday) 4 +3, hmmmm, wonder if that’s syncing with my 7 life path…?

Loving revisiting it, thanks so much Charlie for sharing this with me a few years ago, I often return to it.

What’s yours? You can look it up here: https://creativenumerology.com/life-path-number

04/08/2023

This is just me taking a moment to anchor in all these emotions

I’ve been waiting and pondering when to take the plunge and decide when the time is right for me to return to holding space and the Universe has intervened and decided it’s now, today….and it feels like a full body yes (tingles all day)

So it’s been a while, I’m hoping to do a live a little later if time allows to introduce the beautiful space that has come to me so many times in visions, dreams and energetically.

The past few years since I closed the doors to my little studio have been a mixture of highs and lows, liberation and fear, most definitely a see-saw which I’ll share more with you along this journey…

It has been a time of healing and deep reflection, acknowledgement, acceptance and clearing and even in the darkest parts of the shadows, I knew that there would come a time when I was ready, you were ready and when we start to make the moves, the Universe responds in the most incredible ways…..

For anyone of you that came to my Daisy antenatal or baby classes, or I had the privilege of supporting you as a doula, I’m so grateful to you as you have helped to shape so much of the person I am now…

And it enabled me to create Her Sacred Space, a beautiful environment where I envisage women coming together in community, and reclaim all the pieces of you that may have become scattered along the way. All of you is welcome, every part of you…

So my offering is expectant mums gathering weekly around the lunar cycles and we begin in September.

This is not a traditional pregnancy class with antenatal education, this class is for you, to focus on your needs, how to support you during pregnancy and to deepen the inner connection between yours and your baby’s spirit and to honour your journey through pregnancy and motherhood.

Oooooh and the exciting part is that all the classes will be held in my beautiful bell tent (just need it to stop raining so I can pop it up and take some 📸 to share

If this class is for you, you’ll feel it, deep down in your sacral, where your emotions ignite 💛

Lots more gorge info is in the individual events, I can’t wait to sit beside you in circle, your space is waiting for you 🤍 🪶 🤍

20/07/2023

20/07/2023