Kate Holmes Counselling & Psychotherapy

26/02/2026

10/02/2026

03/01/2026

Thirty-two years sober.

A journey that began in pain—
choosing to feel instead of escape,
to stay when leaving felt easier.
There were hard days, heavy memories,
and lessons earned the long way.

But sobriety brought truth,
clear mornings, real laughter,
and a life no longer borrowed from tomorrow.

Not a perfect life—
a real one.

Thirty-two years of courage, healing,
and choosing life, one day at a time.

31/12/2025

24/09/2025

It refers to a pattern where a person unconsciously repeats experiences, behaviours, or relationship dynamics—often ones that were painful or traumatic—because they are trying, without realising it, to gain mastery over them or resolve them.

For example:
   •   Someone who felt abandoned as a child may repeatedly get into relationships with partners who are emotionally unavailable.
   •   A person who experienced criticism growing up might seek out situations where they feel judged or criticised again.

Even though the repetition is distressing, it feels familiar, and the unconscious drive is to “replay” the experience in hopes of a different outcome.

Would you like me to explain how repetition compulsion shows up in everyday life (relationships, work, habits), or more from a clinical/therapeutic perspective?

It can feel like being “stuck on repeat.”

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🧠 Therapeutic Perspective
   •   Origin: Freud first described repetition compulsion as the unconscious urge to repeat unresolved trauma.
   •   Purpose (unconscious): To try to master the old wound, as if the next replay will finally allow healing or a different ending.
   •   Problem: Because it’s unconscious, people often don’t notice the pattern until it’s pointed out, and the cycle keeps causing distress.
   •   Healing: Therapy helps bring these patterns into awareness, so the person can consciously choose new behaviours rather than relive the old ones.

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10/09/2025

26/04/2025

There is no greater “OTHER” than anOTHER version of yourself.

It’s not that you want to leave the person you’re with it’s because you want to leave the person you’ve become.

Esther Perel

26/04/2025

17/10/2024

One of the hardest goodbyes is to happen when we love someone and at the same time see that it is impossible to build a healthy relationship with them.

Staying means to continue waiting for changes that won’t come, tolerating actions that hurt us, accepting the minimum effort, losing ourselves in the attempt not to lose it.

We know walking away will hurt, but it will be the road to healing. Instead, staying will continue to open the wound more and more.

Sometimes you choose to leave, not because of lack of love towards this person, but because it is your own love that makes you take care of yourself, and with love you leave.

25/09/2024

What is your greatest fear?

05/02/2024

Do you consider yourself to be perfectionistic or do others think this of you? Are you an all or nothing thinker? Do you have trouble with procrastination on important/big tasks?

This is not meant to be a diagnosis, however, these are some overcontrolled traits that can
contribute to relationship issues. If you can relate, there may be some work you can do to improve your relationship.

Get examples & learn more from Rachel Burgreen, LCSW-S on the Gottman Relationship Blog: https://bit.ly/3So9Xsk