23/10/2025
On Monday, I posted about how someone had reported a breakthrough when it came to stress at dinner time, initially caused by asking her husband what he wanted to eat.
By changing the question to a statement about what she was planning to cook, it gave him the option to agree or let her know what he preferred instead, but all without the anxiety that can come from asking a direct question.*
Such a simple change, but very effective! 🙂
A similar simple change to how you start a conversation on the phone with someone with dementia can also have amazing results.
Common sense, habit and etiquette tell us that calls should start with something like:
‘Hello Mum! How are you? What have you been doing today – did you go to the day care centre?”
That’s actually four questions at least arising from one short opening speech, the first being the need to place who owns the voice on the phone.
Questions, and more questions, which ALWAYS trigger still more internal questions while the person has several ‘let me think’ moments, only to be repeatedly confronted by an incomplete record of what HAS happened that day.
Very stressful and bewildering – (and also gives us a clue as to why they might begin to avoid answering the phone.)
Using SPECAL sense instead, we can turn the question into a greeting that informs them who it is on the phone, and offers information about how WE are that allows them to join in if they wish to – a no-stress option.
‘Hi Mum – it’s your daughter Sally. I’ve just been sitting in the garden in the sun, having a sandwich for lunch … ‘
Which is far more likely to start a conversation about what she can recall about her day, or how she’s feeling, than asking questions.
*To learn more about why our First Golden Rule is Don’t ask Direct questions, have a look at this post from earlier in the year:
https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=1273789571423351&set=pb.100063769594509.-2207520000&type=3
