Lighthouse Paulina Rybak

05/02/2026

I am completing 2,000 push-ups in The Push-Up Challenge to enable Samaritans to answer more calls for help from those at crisis point or feeling suicidal. Will you donate? https://www.thepushupchallenge.co.uk/s/148868/162860/s

03/02/2026

https://www.facebook.com/share/p/1CMLmrRmh5/?mibextid=wwXIfr

How often do we treat self-care like a bonus? Something to earn.
Something to fit in after everything else is done. Usually when we’re already exhausted.

In the therapy room this week, and so many weeks before, the same belief surfaced again: “I’ll look after myself once I’ve worked hard enough.”

But that’s not how anything performs well.
We don’t run a car through harsh conditions all day and then reward it with an MOT. We service it so it doesn’t break.
Fuel, checks, maintenance. Not indulgence. Prevention.

Your nervous system works the same way. Good food isn’t a treat. Sleep isn’t optional.
Movement isn’t something you squeeze in if you’re “good enough”.

Nature, light, calm, a decent environment. These are not luxuries.
They are what allow you to think clearly, regulate emotions, show up, deliver, care, and create.

Self-care is not the prize after productivity. It’s the infrastructure that makes productivity possible.

Unshrinking hours are about remembering this.
Before the breakdown. Not after.
If this hit a nerve, that’s not weakness.
That’s wisdom knocking. Hello from my mid- day gym session💙

02/02/2026

Masking, compensating, assimilating.

Three words I hear almost daily in the therapy room. Often whispered with relief. Sometimes with exhaustion. Very often with a quiet question underneath: “Is it just me?”

Let’s break them down, human to human.

Masking
This is when an ND adult hides their natural ways of being to appear “acceptable”.
- Smiling when overwhelmed.
- Rehearsing conversations.
- Suppressing stims.
- Forcing eye contact.
It works. Until it doesn’t. Masking is like acting in a full-time role with no backstage break.

Compensating
Here, the nervous system finds clever workarounds.
- Overpreparing.
- Perfectionism.
- Working twice as hard to stay afloat.
- Using anxiety as fuel.
It often gets praised. High functioning. Successful. Resilient.
And yet the cost is invisible and cumulative.

Assimilating
This goes deeper.
It’s not just doing what others do but believing you should be like them.
- Questioning your instincts.
- Doubting your needs.
- Internalising the idea that difference equals failure.
This is where self-erosion quietly begins.

Now the part that matters clinically.
When years of masking, compensating and assimilating pile up, many ND adults hit a wall. Energy collapses. Executive function drops. Sensory tolerance disappears. Joy goes offline.

And very often this is labelled as depression. Sometimes low mood is there, yes. But what we often see is neurodivergent burnout. A nervous system that has been running in survival mode for far too long.

You cannot reason your way out of a nervous system that needs safety, permission and rest.
You cannot positive- think your way out of chronic self-abandonment.

Healing here is not about fixing. It’s about unlearning. About finding ways to live with less performance and more truth.

And maybe, just maybe, letting your brain take off the costume when it is safe to do so. It was never meant to be worn forever.

If this landed, you’re not broken.
You’re tired.
And that makes sense.

01/02/2026

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25/01/2026

hours Sunday!

https://www.facebook.com/share/1Dwjyb4r8S/?mibextid=wwXIfr

24/01/2026

7am. Saturday. Clinical Psychology lectures loading… ☕📚
Still learning. Still curious. Still humbled by how much there is yet to know.
And honestly? I hope that never stops.
This week, one of my young neurodivergent clients and I wandered into the topic of school. Not their favourite place. When I shared that I am still in education, the conversation took a brilliant turn:
C: You are still at school?? How old are you??
Me: 49.
C: Wow… you have been kept behind…
Me: Actually, it is my choice. I love learning.
C: Well, I would advise you to get on with it. You are taking too much time. You need to apply yourself and complete your education for good.
I could not stop laughing.
This is the beauty of neurodivergent minds. Direct. Honest. Wise in their unique way.

And a gentle reminder too:
Neurodivergent, not neurodiverse.
Words matter. Respect matters. Curiosity matters.

Learning does not have an expiry date.
And sometimes, our best teachers are the very people we are there to support. 💛✨
practice

Lighthouse4U-Person centred integrative psychotherapy and counselling.

19/01/2026

I went to the coast over the weekend to visit a lighthouse.
I love them. Always have.
The weather was cold, wet, and grey. Not the kind that invites you out. And yet, I went anyway. Because I find beauty in every kind of weather. It is not about waiting for the sun to shine. It is about having the right clothing, the right equipment, and sometimes the right companion, so you can experience the world safely and fully, even when conditions are harsh.
Life can be like that, too.
Standing by the cliffs, I was reminded that many people come to places like this carrying unbearable pain. Some never accessed support. Some felt too ashamed, too tired, too hopeless, or too alone to reach out. And for some, the weight became too heavy to carry.
That truth deserves gentleness, not silence.
If you are struggling, please hear this.
It is never too late.
You are not weak for needing support.
Your situation is not too broken, too far gone, or too hopeless to deserve care.
Just as we would not walk dangerous ground without protection, we do not have to face emotional storms alone. Support does not mean the pain disappears instantly. It means you do not have to stand on the edge by yourself.
If you are in the UK and need someone to talk to, Samaritans are available 24/7 on 116 123. They will listen, without judgement. Reaching out can be the first small step back toward safety.
Lighthouses do not stop storms.
They simply remind us where safety is when visibility is low.
And sometimes, that reminder is enough to keep us going.
If this post reaches even one person who needed to read it today, then it was worth stepping out into the rain 🤍

31/12/2025

As the year turns, there is often pressure to become someone new. To fix. To promise. To overhaul.
But maybe this moment is not about reinvention.
Maybe it is about recognition. Of what you carried.
Of what you survived. Of what you learned about yourself, even when it was hard.

You do not need a list of resolutions to be worthy of rest.
You do not need to “do better” to deserve kindness, especially your own.

This can be a quiet pause. A chance to notice what you can gently influence and what you no longer need to fight.
Some things are within your reach:
- how you speak to yourself,
- where you place your energy,
- what you allow to matter.
Other things are not, and letting go of them is not giving up.
It is choosing peace.

Wherever you are right now, however this year has shaped you,
may you meet the next chapter with curiosity rather than pressure, gratitude rather than judgement, and compassion rather than expectation.

And if this time feels lonely, heavy, or uncertain, you are not doing it wrong. You are human. You do not need to start over.
You are allowed to continue. Sometimes it is the bravest thing to do.
🤍
Warm wishes,
Paulina
Lighthouse Therapy

31/12/2025

As the year turns, there is often pressure to become someone new. To fix. To promise. To overhaul.
But maybe this moment is not about reinvention.
Maybe it is about recognition. Of what you carried.
Of what you survived. Of what you learned about yourself, even when it was hard.

You do not need a list of resolutions to be worthy of rest.
You do not need to “do better” to deserve kindness, especially your own.

This can be a quiet pause. A chance to notice what you can gently influence and what you no longer need to fight.
Some things are within your reach:
- how you speak to yourself,
- where you place your energy,
- what you allow to matter.
Other things are not, and letting go of them is not giving up.
It is choosing peace.

Wherever you are right now, however this year has shaped you,
may you meet the next chapter with curiosity rather than pressure, gratitude rather than judgement, and compassion rather than expectation.

And if this time feels lonely, heavy, or uncertain, you are not doing it wrong. You are human. You do not need to start over.
You are allowed to continue. Sometimes it is the bravest thing to do.
🤍
Warm wishes,
Paulina
Lighthouse Therapy

24/12/2025

Christmas can mean so many different things to many different people.

For some, it is a time of faith, tradition, and family gatherings.
For others, it is a pause for reflection, rest, or simply getting through the days as they are.
And for many, it may be a season that brings mixed emotions, grief, loneliness, or distance from what once was.

Wherever you find yourself right now, may you be met with gentleness.

If you are celebrating, I wish you warmth, connection, and moments that nourish you.
If you are spending this time alone, or not marking it at all, may you feel permission to move at your own pace, to protect your energy, and to honour your needs without explanation.
And if this season is heavy, please know that you are not failing by finding it hard. Sometimes simply being is enough.

May this time offer you something you need. Rest, hope, grounding, or a quiet reminder that you matter, just as you are, right now.

Holding space for all paths, all beliefs, and all ways of being.

With love,
Paulina
Lighthouse Therapy

20/12/2025

Nautical Christmas vibe in my lighthouse ❤️

23/10/2025

This photo captures something deeply personal- the act of holding space for both ourselves and the parts of us that still long for warmth, safety, and love.

In therapy, we call this inner child work or self-parenting. It’s about learning to nurture yourself as you would a child- to listen without judgement, to comfort without fear, and to offer the acceptance you may have once needed most.

Every adult carries within them a younger self who wants to be understood. When we connect with that part, healing becomes not just possible, but transformative.

💛 I’m currently offering a free 30-minute consultation for anyone curious about starting this journey.
👉 Book here: www.lighthouse4u.co.uk