Hopeless to Happy Coaching

15/02/2023

I honestly think everyone should watch this to understand the complex mental illness of addiction. It has no prejudices and can happen to anyone at any time of their life. No one is exempt.

A MUST WATCH! Dr Gabor Mate explains the illness of addiction so well and it's not just about drugs and alcohol, this video covers many topics/substances.

If you have an hour to spare and you want to understand addiction, I cannot recommend this video enough. This was recorded 5 years ago so the figures stated have gone up considerably.

Sit back and be educated about the illness that is growing in size and increasing daily.

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02/12/2022

Break the pattern of codependent relationships .
More info in this article: https://www.livewellwithsharonmartin.com/end-codependent-relationships/

12/11/2022

Excited for my interview at Dauntless TV

03/11/2022

Are you supporting and addicted loved one?

If so, this post is for you. You don't have to do this alone, reach out for support, I can help you. I've been there got the T-shirt and worn it out!

Please don't suffer in silence 🙏💕🙏

01/11/2022

So what do you think happens to the families if the addicted loved one becomes a slave to a substance?

Well, what usually happens is the family/family member becomes a slave to the addict. They will become obsessed by everything to do with what their addicted loved one is doing. They lose themselves just as the addicted loved one does.

Are you being held hostage by your loved ones addiction?

Yes you are! What happens is the addict takes you hostage and knows exactly what buttons to press to keep you exactly where they want you. This is to ensure you keep giving them exactly what they want for their addiction to continue.

So, what is the result of the addicted loved one taking you hostage?

The result is you live in fear of what is going to happen to your addicted loved one. Fear of what people will say if they find out. Fear of not knowing how to help in the right way. You live in a state of constant anxiety usually because you don't understand what you are dealing with.

You see, as the addict can't stop without help, neither can then families.

It's really scary for an addict to reach out fire professional help and it's really scary for the family to reach out for help.

There are between 4 and 12 times more people suffering in silence than the are addicts. There is help for the addicts but nowhere enough help for the families.

Don't suffer in silence, call me I can help you.

30/10/2022

Never give up Hope 🙏🙏🙏

https://fb.watch/guB-y3sjFp/

13/10/2022

Nothing Changes, if Nothing Changes

What does this statement mean to you?

To me it reminds me that if there is something going on in my life that I'm not happy about I have the power to change it by making a different choice.

Did anything spring to mind?

The thing that springs to my mind is when I was in the chaos of my son's addiction. I was there for many years - drama, drama, drama. Completely exhausting 😔. Definitely not a good use of my time or energy. So one day I chose not to react to the chaos. To stay calm and wait for the chaos around me to subside. By doing this I learned to respond instead of react and gradually the chaos got less because I refused to get drawn in.

How did this choice impact my life?

Well, it took some practise but now my life is calm and peaceful. I am still a work in progress in many areas of my life 😊, but I can now enjoy the journey without the stress and the emotional rollercoaster.

Do you have an addicted loved one?

Have you had enough of the emotional rollercoaster?

Are you fed up of feeling isolated because you can't find help?

If this is you please reach out to me. I know how you are feeling. I have been there and got the T-shirt many times. Infact I've worn the T-shirt out! 😁

Perhaps it's time to choose you and your well-being 🙏💕🙏

11/10/2022

How true is this statement?

I can clearly remember the day I made the decision to start working on my behaviours and work to a better future me.

So how do you make the changes?

Well I started by educating myself about addiction. I needed to understand what I was dealing with to understand how my behaviours were playing a part in my son's addiction.

Will there be any enlightening moments?

Definitely! Mine was that it became obvious I had become addicted to my son. I had become obsessed with his life and I'd forgotten about mine.

What is the important thing to remember?

Well there's more than one thing actually. First and foremost I cannot control anyone but me. Hard to admit but very true! Secondly, I'm not powerful enough to cause another's illness. Thirdly, I couldn't fix my addicted loved one. And the biggest and most important thing.... The practice of self-care/self-love.

You see I had forgotten about me and I had run myself into the ground trying to selflessly battle an illness that can only be managed when the addict gets to the point that they are sick and tired of being sick and tired, and until I was wasting my time and energy. Addiction is stronger than you or I.

What were specific actions I took to get my life back?

As hard as it was at times I started to do things I like to do. At first I couldn't remember what I liked! How bad is that? I had completely lost who I was! I started with little things like spending time in nature and just breathing. I then reminded myself of the things I used to like doing, my hobbies, and I gradually started to introduce them back into my life. I also started to read self-help books. Books on self-live and motivation.

How long did it take to get me back?

It's on going. Life is a journey and I choose to continue to educate myself about many things but most importantly self-care. I have introduced things into my daily life to ensure I stay well.

And guess what?

You can too 💕

06/10/2022

I think this is a really good way of saying exactly what co-dependency is, so I thought I would share.

Can you relate to this statement?

I know I can! It crept up on me, I didn't even realise I had become co-dependent, it's sneaky.

Do you think co-dependency is like an addictive behaviour?

I think it is. I had become addicted to my addict without even knowing.

When I had this realisation I was able to learn how to change my behaviours to break the co-dependency.

Can it be done?

Hell YES!! And I'm living proof that it can.

04/10/2022

I just wanted to share this with you today.

It's hard to get your head around addiction at first.

It is so baffling and makes you feel so powerless because however hard you try you cannot fix this illness of addiction, this chronic illness that lives in the brain and only gets progressively worse. It's not like many mental illnesses that can be treated with medication and therapy.

It is like Einstein's Definition of Insanity - doing the same thing over and over again and expecting to get a different result!? This goes for the addict and the family member(s).

We can not rescue someone who doesn't want to be rescued, or can we?

The key is to start rescuing yourself and educating yourself about what you are dealing with. Buy doing this you will learn how to support the addict in the right way. Now wouldn't that be amazing?

If you start making positive changes/doing things differently people around you react/respond to you in a different way.

And you never know by changing your behaviour could be the change that gets your addicted loved one to reach out for professional help.

It is sad that the illness can only be treated when the addict is sick and tired of being sick and tired, but more importantly you do not have to wait that long. You can reach out for help now and start your
own journey.

Let me know your thoughts on this post. I would be really interested to hear what you have too say

29/09/2022

We Fight to Let Go

One of the questions I hear frequently is - how do we let go?

The answer to this question is different for everybody. We are all on our own journey through this life and it takes time and practise.

For me it took many years. My journey started when I found support for me back in 2013. At that point I couldn't even contemplate letting go of my addicted son for the fear that he would die!

Over the years of attending my support group, which I still do and always will, I educated myself about the illness of addiction because I wanted to know what I was dealing with. Then I learned about all the things that people do when loving an addict - denial, living in fear, controlling, enabling, co-dependency, shame, guilt, boundaries, plan B, the list goes on.

It was only when I got to a place of acceptance that I started to let go. I had to accept there was nothing I could do to help my son until he wanted help, and even then I could only hand him over to the professionals and support him if he was making the right choices.

You see addicts are very resourceful and resilient and have more chance of being run over by a bus than dieing because of addiction.

I'll repeat that; they have more chance of being run over by a bus than because of their addiction.

So I stepped back, put a boundary in place that I would only see him when he wasn't under the influence. I told him I loved him and I'd always support him if he was making the right choices. I also said I wouldn't allow the fear of him dieing to control my life any longer as I had no control over what he was doing.

If you want to start your journey of letting go DM me.