Marianna B Mentorship

22/11/2025

14/11/2025

Prime example of why we can't take relationship advice from ChatGPT 🤦🏻‍♀️

13/11/2025

People pleasing.
This is the one that unlocked a new level of understanding for me, and how I learned about my own areas of emotional unavailability.

I NEVER thought I was emotionally unavailable, despite often finding myself in relationships with or pursuing emotionally unavailable people. After all, I felt my feelings strongly and I was very attuned to other people’s emotions, so that must mean I was available, right?

What I’ve slowly learned is that by downplaying my own needs and feelings in order to hold space for and meet the needs of everyone else, I wasn’t being honest with myself OR them.

I wasn’t actually letting people see me.
I was controlling the narrative, and would often end up being passive aggressive later on down the line because I hadn’t been open about what was working for me throughout the relationship. Sometimes I didn’t even know, because I was so desperate to be accepted that I was just trying to be who I thought they wanted me to be.

Emotional availability is being present to your feelings and needs and being willing to share them, and allowing the other person to have their own feelings and responses to your needs. It’s vulnerable bc we’re never sure what’s going to happen.

And of course, we people-please for a reason.
I didn’t do this on purpose; it was what I was raised to do in my family system because many parts of me were shamed early on, so I developed the ability to hide them.
I still sometimes have to fight the urge to downplay my own needs and to actually speak up when my feelings might inconvenience someone.

But I see it now.

Hiding your actual needs and feelings doesn’t allow other people to see the real you. They don’t get to know the real you or hold space for the real you. They don’t get the privilege of helping you when you need it, or get to show deeper sides of their personality if they’re only ever responding to one aspect of yours.

In case you missed it, The EQ School can send daily texts to your phone — which is great if you’re trying to spend less time on social media but still want reminders that help you check in with yourself, and to remind you of why you’re doing the work.
https://hdly.me/theeqschool

09/09/2025

A bid for connection is what Drs. John and Julie Gottman call any attempt or gesture to positively connect with a partner. A bid can be for the purpose of comfort, affection, attention, affirmation, humor, etc.
There are three ways we can respond to a bid:

1. Turning away: missing or ignoring a bid. This is when we don’t hear the bid, don’t recognize the bid, or ignore the bid. Repeated missed bids for connection create problems in relationships.

2. Turning against: rejecting a bid or responding in a negative way. This is another hurtful way to respond to a bid. It can send the message to the bidder that what they need is not important.

3. Turning towards: acknowledging or responding to a bid in a positive way. This doesn’t mean that we should drop everything and fulfill every bid that comes our way. It means that we can respond to a bid with kindness and send the message that the bidder’s needs matter.

Here’s an example:

Bid for affection: “Come cuddle with me.”

Turning away: *no response, ignore, or walk away*

Turning against: “Can’t you see I’m busy?”

Turning towards: “I’m just finishing up what I’m doing, sweetheart, and then I’ll come cuddle with you. Give me about 5 minutes.” Or, “I’d love to cuddle with you, sweetheart, but now isn’t a good time for me. Can we make some time to do that after dinner?”

The Gottmans conducted a study with newlyweds and then followed up with them 6 years later. What they found was that the couples who were still together at the 6-year follow-up turned towards each other 86% of the time. Couples who had divorced turned towards each other 33% of the time.

Turning towards is key. 🔑

Bids also extend to other relationships as well. You can look for bids from family, friends, colleagues, neighbors, etc.

To read more about bids for connection, check out the blog.

Disclaimer: Content is for educational purposes and doesn’t constitute therapy. Posts are generalized and may not fit all individuals or situations. My posts don’t speak to situations of abuse, active addiction, or certain mental health conditions.

02/07/2025

Meeting your pain with compassion is a radical act of love.

24/04/2025

😂😂

He doesn't trigger your anxiety.
He doesn't make you guess.
He just shows up... Consistently.

Comes with:

✅Green flag - Safe and emotionally available (will protect your heart)

📚 Book - Because he reads, cares about self improvement, and has interests outside of surfing PH.

📆 Calendar: he PLANS DATES.

🔑 Keys - He's not afraid of commitment.

🦄 Unicorn horn: Because it's the rarest and most desired collectible

💐 Flowers: He's thoughtful and is addicted to seeing a smile plastered across your face

💬 "I'm not going anywhere" text: He won't love bomb you and then disappear. He's in it for the long haul.

06/03/2025

Wow ❤️ really stops you in your tracks.

If you feel this, I hear you friend ❤️

01/03/2025

Looks like an entire episode on the topic of boundaries & supporting ourselves in supporting our children. Hopefully some good tips to go with the truth bombs!

20/02/2025

Yup.

Why do the things that make us feel BETTER always feel so HARD to do?!?!

Help me.
…
For