Barefoot Institute

31/05/2025

Please join us tomorrow (Sunday June 1, 2025) at 10am to discuss marriage and addressing the most important question - what is the right way to divorce? Why is my wife constantly asking me to divorces her? Why is my husband using the threat of divorce to control me?

Watch us live on Facebook or zoom via zoom using the link below:

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82913952693

24/05/2025

Please join us tomorrow (Sunday 25th May) at 10am to discuss marriage and addressing the most important question - why can I not find someone to marry?

17/05/2025

Much awaited Muslim Marriage Show by the Barefoot Institute is back on 18th May at 10am. Ajmal Masroor and Henrietta Szovati, Relationship Therapist and Coach respectively will be broadcasting on Zoom and be LIVE in YouTube and facebook. Join in, ask questions and explore your relationship deeply.

https://us02web.zoom.us/j/82913952693

15/02/2025

Who wants know the 7 secrets to love?

If the answer is yes please read the whole article below.

As I am travelling around Pakistan I have noticed flower shops are extremely busy; I also noticed street sellers selling red, pink and purple paraphernalia including heart shaped balloons. When I went to a couple of indoor shopping centres (malls) I was told by shopkeepers that there was a special offer going on all their products. Big discounts, great offers and much commercial activities all in the name of Valentine’s Day.

This day was a foreign cultural concept until recently in Pakistan but Pakistanis, like many other nations have submitted to western cultural imperialism. The new expression of western cultural supremacy is its market place dominance. It has popularised an alien concept even in a conservative society like the Islamic Republic of Pakistan. Secular materialistic expressions are now everyday norm in this country.

Now let me take your focus to the topic of love. It is a subject matter that I have dealt with for many years now and have written several books and articles on. I would like to further narrow my focus on love and marriage in this article.

I asked a seventy years old lady who has been married for fifty years what was her secret to long lasting marriage. She said something that resonates very closely to my heart. Her secrets were independence, trust and compassion. She said, “my husband is not a needy man, he does not call me several times a day to see where I am, who I am with and what I am doing. I very much love that about him. I am a fiercely independent woman. I trust my husband 100% and he trusts me. Our love has flourished because we have enormous amount of compassion for each other. I love him and I am sure he love me.” Her words, style of delivery and demeanour indicated confidence and contentment in her loving relationship. I believe that should be your target for your marriage.

For those who are struggling in their marriage let me point out a few universal truths about love:

1. You cannot force love - Love flourishes with freedom. Life prospers with freedom. Our true humanity is best realised when we are totally free from other human being’s physical and emotional coercion. Your love is the same. If you have to force someone to love you that love will not last. And if you are forced to love someone you will hate them from within. Don’t delude yourself with the belief that you can make someone love you.

2. You cannot control love - if you have to check, monitor and tag the person you love or who loves you then your love is as fickle as the wind. It is there when the wind is there and it’s gone when there is no wind. If someone feels you are controlling them using your so called love then they will eventually break free. Would you like someone to control you in the name of love? I am sure you wouldn’t yet many in our society use love as a tool to control their spouse.

3. You should not love too much - there is a clear saying of the prophet, “when you love someone don’t love them too much in case you have to dislike them sometimes; and when you hate someone don’t hate them too much in case you have love them sometimes. Too much love can smother and suffocate your spouse. Love must be manifested and expressed in moderation.

4. Love is never enough - love is an elusive term, misunderstood and misused by many. Love has turned some ordinary people to insanity. Some people feel no matter how much love their it is never enough. While how much love is enough does not have a universal measure, we should know that love alone cannot sustain a relationship. God suggests “love and mercy” as two essential ingredients for a contented marriage. A couple once told me, “we have more mercy in our relationship than love, it works better for us, we do things for each other and we are at each other’s service, that to us is true love”. I wholeheartedly agree. My wife once asked me, what would I prefer more - a pretty woman or a kind woman? A kind woman anytime. I did tell my wife that she was the most beautiful woman for me because of her kindness.

5. Love yourself first - Love is only possible when you know how to love yourself first. When I say love yourself I do not mean egotistical self love but it’s a form of love that makes you feel comfortable with your own self including mind, body and emotions. If you do not love what God has given you why would anyone else love you? Can you imagine if you cannot tolerate your own company why would others tolerate it? Being comfortable in your own skin, character and social skills are key to success. Human relationship is hard work and it is doubly hard with those that you are related to either by blood or marriage. It would be worth pausing and doing a self assessment about how much you love yourself.

6. Love is a two-way thing - you are designed to love and be loved. When you love someone they will reciprocate love naturally. When you hate someone they will demonstrate the same in response. Your love for your spouse deepens when you give love. There are some extremely selfish people who demand love all the time but do not give love nor do they show any gratitude for love. If you are so love illiterate it would be good idea to read a book about it, attend a course on it or even speak to a specialist therapist. Improving our love competency is always a good idea.

7. Love is a verb and not a noun - Love is not an object that you have simply assigned a name to. It is part of family of human emotions. It is generated through actions. Your small acts of kindness, your words of reassurance, your selfless generosity and your nods of appreciation all add up to creating a wonderful ball of deep seated feeling called love. It helps you to love despite their annoying habits, quirky sense of humour, weird personality, size, shape or height, changing body and deteriorating health. Love makes it possible me for you to overlook their small faults because it’s the bigger person that you love. Remember when you give love you get love and love can only be enjoyed through actions.

When you are celebrating love today and everyday remember what makes your love so great is that you value your self and your spouse, you value your own freedom as much as your spouses freedom, you do not attempt to control your spouse in the name of love, you are not blinded by your love, you know how to give and receive love, your love does not swing between extremes and you invest in mercy and love as two sides of the same coin.

Visit us at www.BAREFOOTINSTITUTE.com for help with all your relationships and to buy my book on marriage called 10 Steps To Getting & Staying Married.

12/10/2024

Friday Sermon the Palmers Green Mosque on the following hadith:

The Prophet PBUH said: "Three things destroy, and three things save. As for the three things that destroy, they are: greediness that is obeyed, and desires that are followed, and a person becoming self-conceited (and proud) with himself. As for the three things that save, they are: the fear of Allah in secret and public, and moderation in poverty and richness, and fairness in anger and pleasure." [Silsilah al-Hadith as-Saheehah]

The Prophet PBUH said: "Three things destroy, and three things save. As for the three things that destroy, they are: greediness that is obeyed, and desires t...

23/03/2024

URGENT: £50K Appeal: THIS WEEKEND ONLY

Asalaamu alaikum! Southgate Mosque needs your help to clear its debts! We have an urgent plea for this weekend only: If we can collectively raise £50,000 by this Sunday March 24th, 23:59, we'll receive an additional boost of £25,000 Insha'Allah!

We would be so grateful if you could donate whatever you can this weekend using the link below if possible. Please also spread the word to friends and family and help us reach our goal before the deadline. Every contribution counts towards making Southgate Mosque debt-free, Insha'Allah 🤲🏽

🔗 www.launchgood.com/southgatemosque

Jazakallahu khairun and for your support!
Ajmal Masroor

14/02/2024

Truth behind Valentine’s Day and love

In my search to find the truth behind Valentine’s Day I came across the following about the history of Valentine's Day:

* Roman Emperor Claudius II executed two men; both named Valentine, on Feb. 14 of different years in the 3rd century A.D. and the Catholic Church honored their death with the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day.

* From Feb. 13-15, the Romans celebrated the feast of Lupercalia, an annual festival in the month of February that was celebrated to avert evil spirits and purify the city, releasing health and fertility. The men sacrificed a goat and a dog, and then whipped women with the hides of the animals they had just slain.

* "The priests would sacrifice a goat, for fertility, and a dog, for purification. They would then strip the goat’s hide into strips, dip them into the sacrificial blood and take to the streets, gently slapping both women and crop fields with the goat hide. Far from being fearful, Roman women welcomed the touch of the hides because it was believed to make them more fertile in the coming year. Later in the day, according to legend, all the young women in the city would place their names in a big urn. The city’s bachelors would each choose a name and become paired for the year with his chosen woman. These matches often ended in marriage."

* Later, Roman Pope Gelasius I mixed things up in the 5th century by combining St. Valentine's Day with Lupercalia to expel the pagan rituals.

* As time went on, famous writers and poets made this dark holiday a bit sweeter by romanticizing it in their work, resulting in the creation of handmade paper cards for the special day during the Middle Ages.

* The Industrial Revolution in the 19th century, combined with the popularity of this love holiday in the Western world, began the process of factory-made cards.

* In 1913, Hallmark Cards of Kansas City, Mo., began mass producing valentines.

* Today, Valentine’s Day brings in approximately $18 billion dollars per year in sales.

It is fair to suggest that Valentine’s Day celebration has nothing to do with Islam or love and in fact it has everything to do with pagan rituals confused into European Christian history and now commercialised as the symbol of love. In todays world many couples resort to fighting over their expectations of this day, they get disappointed that their spouse is not fussing over them on this day, they get upset that their spouse has not set brought them presents, taken them out or done something special. Some couples have embrace this say to symbolise and become the marker of their love.

Your love for your spouse is an organic, dynamic and growing emotion so reducing it to a materialistic expression does not make your love real and sustainable. At a time when people are desperately longing for love and human interactions investing in your marriage in the right way will help you flourish. You do not to just survive in a loving relationship, you want to thrive together.

Here are five mental attitude shifts that will help you grow love in your marriage:

1. Marriage is not a place of gender battles but gender love. It is not where you flex your fighting muscles, reinforce stereotypes or act the way you saw your parents act.

2. Marriage is not a daily battle against each other but a daily dose of love. It is a delicate and harmonious orchestra in which you synchronise with your spouse’s strengths and skills and create a loving way to work together and familiarise with his or her weaknesses or shortcomings so that you can learn to manage them.

3. Marriage is not the place to vent your frustration, unleash your anger and become your worst possible self but cherish a loving partner. Despite popular beliefs, one of the biggest culprits of marital breakdown is the breakdown of communication. Couples, instead of helping each other deal with their own individual issues, unleash anger and their negativity. You did not get married to be abuse or be abused.

4. Marriage is not a game but an adventure of two people. It is a sacred union in which you grow together while maintain each of your individual identities. You invest in your common space called marriage where your emotional, intellectual, physical, sexual, spiritual and economic needs are harnessed, potentials explored and benefits maximised. It is also a space where your individual growth is encouraged and nurtured.

5. Marriage is not a morbid institution but a dynamic, exciting, vibrant place to experience love, life, joy, sadness and everything in between. Those who marry thinking they will be forever riding the height of dopamine or euphoria of oxytocin, they will be disappointed. Marriage comes with high and low, with happiness and sadness. Together you learn to grow resilience and enhance your contentment regardless of your circumstances.

For all of the above and for love, we all need to do some work. So forget Valentine’s Day, love everyday!

Here is my book on marriage called 10 Steps to Getting and Staying Married, it will help those who are looking to get married and those already married stay married.

To help us donate 25% of the book price to Graham Layton Trust – a charity that helps blind people see please use the promo code: GLT21

07/05/2023

Today something really funny but sweet happened. I was invited to conduct a nikah ceremony in East London. I arrived slightly early and went to the East London Mosque to pray my A’sr prayer. I missed the main congregation but managed to pray with a group of people in a smaller congregation. After the prayer as I was leaving the mosque a young man came over and stopped me.

He said, “Imam, you are conducting my friends nikah soon. Are we doing it in the mosque?”

I said to him that I was not planning to do it at the mosque unless they have obtained special permission. He asked me to walk with him to speak to the groom. I followed him back inside the mosque. What followed was the first for me.

I noticed groom’s friends were helping get ready. They were helping him to wear a headgear along with his long Arab gown. After quick pleasantries the groom said to me, “Imam, can you please help me, I don’t know how to wear this headgear, do you know how to do it?”

I haven’t worn an Arab headgear for years and I have never helped a groom wear one either. I told him that I could give it a try. I remembered from my youth that I used to wear Palestinian style headgear. I rolled up my sleeves and used the headscarf to wrap around his head as elegantly as possible. It was like putting a crown on his head except it was not for a person born with privileges to be a king, it was on the head of an ordinary person who deserved it more than the pompous king. His friends were impressed and he was pleased.

I couldn’t stop smiling at the funny and sweet experience I just had. I shared the story with his family and friends and they too were amused. I conducted the nikah of the young couple and left but I am still smiling at what happened.

02/05/2022

An open Eid letter to the Muslims

Dear brothers and sisters

Assalamu Alaikum Warahmatullah and Eid Mubarak to you all.

Now that we have successful completed the 30 days of fasting in the month of Ramadan and Eid is here, it is important that we evaluate our Ramadan and get ready to celebrate our Eid. The first question is how will you evaluate your Ramadan? Are you getting ready to evaluate what you have gained from the one month long experience of restraints and control? What would Eid mean and bring to you? How would you celebrate your spiritual achievements?

Many will be celebrating Eid today but will you forget the achievements of Ramadan?

Here are 10 simple points I would like to highlight for your attention while you become busy with Eid festivities:

1. Taqwa - Have you become more Allah conscious and consequently closer to Allah? In other words, do you now consciously accept that Allah is omnipresent in your life and fully aware of all the things you do? If fasting is all about gaining Taqwa, did you achieve it? Does your behaviour reflect the fact that Allah’s super-powerful camera is keeping a watchful and close eye on everything that you do? Would your Eid include celebrating that newly enhanced consciousness of Allah?

2. Sins - in this month of Ramadan did you manage to take account of your sins that you may have done unknowingly or unknowingly, openly or secretly, big or small, private or public? Sin according to Islam is to violate a clear moral, ethical and life principle that Allah has laid out for you. When you realise your mistakes you should take ownership of your mistakes first, repent to Allah seeking his forgiveness and mercy second and then promise to never repeat such mistakes again as your final step to redemption. Did you manage to get yourself forgiven? Can you have a day of celebration of your Ramadan’s achievements without sinning?

3. Food and drinks - Ramadan has been a month of eating and drinking less in quantity but more in quality. Have you taken control of your eating habits such that you may have shed a few pounds? If you have been over eating at iftar and suhur you would have missed the essence of fasting. By fasting you should have realised that you actually need only a handful of food to keep your back straight. You should have lost some weight as a result of fasting too but if you haven’t, you need to check on what went wrong? What could you have done differently? While indulging on the day of Eid will you be mindful of not overwhelming your stomach with excessive amount of food or drinks or be wasteful about it?

4. Eyes, ears and tongue - Have you taken control of your eyes, ears and tongue? In the month of Ramadan you should have learned to restrain your eyes from seeing the wrong thing, trying to stay away from places of gossip, lies, foul and obscene language from entering your ears and taking full control of your tongue from speaking evil. Did you manage to do achieve that? Only abstaining from eating and drinking only gives you hunger and thirst but abstaining from seeing, hearing or speaking evil gives you the complete Ramadan package of goodness. Did you become more aware of these bad habits and thus take full control of them? Will your Eid be celebrated without your eyes looking at the wrong thing, your ears listening to the wrong sounds and your tongue from expressing the wrong words?

5. Emotions - Have you taken control of your emotions? In the month of Ramadan with no food in our stomach, feeling thirsty and sleep deprived, your emotions tend to be on tender hooks. Anger flares up quickly, you get upset easily and you feel triggered without effort. Have to managed to take control of your emotions? Emotional intelligence is essential feature of Ramadan lessons. If someone came to you to fight or quarrel your reaction should have been “I am sorry I am not getting involved because I am fasting”. Imagine how much in control you would be of your emotions. Do you think you have mastered your emotions during these days of fasting? Can this Eid be celebrated with your families and friends without flaring up or getting upset over trivial things?

6. Sleep - Have you taken control of your sleeping habits? We all tend to love our comfortable and cosy bed, we love sleeping long hours and being lazy. In essence you can survive on 6-7 hours of sleep everyday. In the month of Ramadan, sleep deprivation is a major test as we sleep late because of prayers and wake up in the early hours of the morning to get some food! This would have seriously disturbed your sleeping pattern. Thirty days of the same thing should have reset your sleeping habits. Have you managed to take control of how much you sleep? Can you survive with less sleep than what you have been used to? You should target to reduce your sleeping habits and be more productive with your time. Can you put to test this experience on the morning of Eid - did you wake up for your Fajar prayer?

7. S*x - Have you taken control of your sexual urges? S*xual urges are very natural human instincts. You are allowed to fulfill them with your spouse but only after you have broken your fast. Did you find your mind constantly wondering and your sexual thoughts dominating your daily life or did you manage to take control of your thoughts and urges? When you are hungry, thirsty and sleep deprived your sexual appetite should be lessened. In the month of Ramadan it should be more controlled. Did you manage to gain such control over it? On the day of Eid how will you live the spirit of Ramadan and it’s sexual ethics?

8. Materials - Have you taken control of your love for wealth and material? In the month of Ramadan one is encouraged to donate a lot more to the poor and needy as you would be able to fully empathize with their hunger and thirst. It’s not just a theory for you, you now know what it means to be hungry and thirsty because you have experienced it. Have you managed to donate more in the month of Ramadan? Have you managed to reduce your personal obsession with gaining and hoarding more wealth and material possessions? Can you make this Eid simpler, less about your clothes, shoes and makeup but more about connections with the poor and embracing simplicity and less as beautiful and more? Did you donate generously this Ramadan or did you hoard more? Can you be as generous on the day of Eid?

9. Relationships - Have you been able to mend your relationships with your families and friends? In this month we rebuild our connection with our families and friends, we spend more time having iftar and suhur with them. It is also true that people who you love most tend to hurt you most but what makes our relationship thrive is when we know how to manage our relationships despite all the challenges. Did you manage to forgive your family members who may have hurt you? Did you manage to ask for forgiveness from your fiends or families who may have been hurt because of your behaviour? Did you connect with your blood relatives more meaningfully in this blessed month of Ramadan? How will you celebrate Eid with them this year more meaningfully?

10. Character - have you noticed any serious transformation in your character? Islam is all about refining our conducts and character. The Prophet (peace be upon him) said that his whole mission was to help refine human character. So if you were selfish, have you noticed you are enjoying selflessness? If you were unkind, have you become more conscious of the joy of kindness? If you were unreliable, are people finding you more reliable? If you were rude in your words and actions, have you taken steps to becoming gentle and compassionate with people? Ramadan should have triggered in you a positive change. In general, most people agree that values like honesty, integrity, loyalty, and dependability are positive character traits to have. But of course, there are many other factors that are commonly found alongside these traits such as diligence, loyalty, responsibility, truthfulness, fairness, compassion and more. Have you managed to improve your character by adopting more of these positive traits? What are you struggling with and how will you become more conscious of your character flaws and take steps to transform them into character strengths? How will you demonstrate your newly acquired positive and powerful character on this great day of Eid?

How will you evaluate your Ramadan and how will you embrace Eid? On the end of the end of Ramadan, a month of great significance, opportunities, blessings and forgiveness, and on the day of Eid, can you see yourself preparing to fully evaluate your life in the context of Ramadan’s special and spiritual teachings? Can you take stock before it’s too late? As Eid day and it’s celebrations overtake your day can you be mindful of what you have gained in the month long training?

I pray we all get a chance to examine and evaluate our life properly before we get accounted for it on the day of judgment. I also pray we all take advantage of the amazing changes we have made in our lives because of the blessings of Ramadan. While you indulge on Eid day do not forget what you have achieved through fasting, so eat and drink on this but do not be wasteful or excessive, wear nice clothes but do not be extravagant, have fun but do not break the rules of Allah and indulge but do not forget the poor, needy, vulnerable and less fortunate human beings around the world.

To end my letter to you, I would like to take this opportunity to ask you to pray for me and my family. Thank you.

Your sincerely

Ajmal Masroor

01/05/2022

Salam and Eid Mubarak everyone! Don’t forget we are going to have Eid in the Park at Grovelands Park, Southgate tomorrow 2nd May 2022, arrival from 9am and salah (prayer) will be at 10am insha Allah. Please come with Wudu and prayer mat.

30/04/2022

I can definitely announce that Eid al Fitr will be on Monday 2nd May 2022. Eid Mubarak and enjoy your day.