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05/12/2025

Christmas Is Not Easy For Many Of Us
The pressure to have a perfect Christmas and be present and happy for a prolonged period of time can be extremely difficult if you have had a hard year. Perhaps somethings may have not worked out for you – or you have experienced a big loss – whether this is a person, a relationship or if you are struggling to find hope in life. You may find that your motivation is low and you don’t feel able to partake in usual gatherings or events. If you are feeling depressed or low this can also affect how we sleep, causing us to sleep too little or too much, which may interfere with plans around the festive period. It’s important to continue to monitor how you’re feeling and keep in contact with your friends and support systems – reaching out for professional support if you need to – and that could include going to your GP. If you’re struggling to cope, support is available throughout the festive period, including on Christmas day itself. Samaritans are available 24/7 and contactable on 116 123.
(Source www.mentalhealth-uk.org/blog/why-christmas-isnt-easy-for-everyone-and-how-to-cope)

28/11/2025

The Budget – Does It Squeeze Out Romance?
Most of us are under financial pressure – but how does that work for people who are dating? Single people are still dating but now not so much fancy restaurants or cocktail bars. You can still have a good time though but people are now often opting for "infla-dating" (choosing affordable date ideas) as a direct result of being more budget-conscious. Think lower-cost or at-home date options, such as a homemade meal or movie night. Daters are also embracing The "loud budgeting" trend which involves being confident in saying "no" to expensive social activities and instead being vocal and open about your budget. This helps resist peer pressure and also possibly the pressure you may feel to impress your date. Keeping it real has its benefits too – with all the excess stripped back – you get to connect on probably a much deeper level. -dating

21/11/2025

Bridget Jones Gives Us Permission To Be Imperfect!

Renée Zellweger unveiled a statue of Bridget Jones this week in Leicester Square. Celebrating the character she played for 20 years on screen. She called the new statue "adorable", adding: "I think she's much cuter than me."

Bridget Jones was created in 1996 by author Helen Fielding, and was first adapted for the big screen in 2001. The fourth film came out earlier this year.

Speaking at the unveiling, Helen Fielding refused to rule out taking her story further, saying you should "never say never". She has previously admitted some parts of the story have not aged well." Bridget Jones's Diary couldn't be written now, set now, because all those men in the office would be sacked," she said last year. "It was a really different time." But speaking on Monday, she said she hoped the wider message of the book would continue to chime for readers ."I think to have the comfort of seeing a character that you can relate to, because they are real and human and emotionally honest, it's like having the friend you can be honest with," she said.

Renee Zellweger added that everyone can relate to Bridget, which explains her huge appeal. "[It's her] vulnerability, her humanness," she said. "We recognise ourselves in her, we recognise ourselves in her struggles. "It makes it OK for the rest of us to be authentically who we are. Imperfect."

(Source BBC News: 17th November 2025)

07/11/2025

Alan Carr: The Traitors Winner And Ultimate Gaslighter?!
Wasn’t the Traitors just great! And didn’t Alan Carr “play a blinder” to quote Nick Mohammed. At the end of the final when he won Poor Alan said that lying and betraying people had been “tearing him apart”. However, if we are subject to lying and gaslighting in real life the results can be very different and much more serious.
Gaslighting is a form of emotional manipulation where one person causes another to question their own perception, memory, or reality. The term comes from the 1944 film Gaslight, in which a husband manipulates his wife into thinking she is going insane by dimming the gas lights in their home and denying it when she notices.
In real life, gaslighting often occurs in personal relationships, workplaces, or even social and political settings. The gaslighter may deny obvious facts, dismiss feelings, twist past events, or insist that the victim is “too sensitive” or “imagining things.” Over time, the person being gaslit may begin to doubt their own judgment, lose confidence, and feel confused or dependent on the gaslighter for a sense of truth.
Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward protecting yourself. If someone frequently invalidates your experiences, refuses to take responsibility for hurtful behaviour, or makes you feel like you can’t trust your own thoughts, these may be signs of gaslighting.. It is really important if you think you are being gaslight by a partner to check out the situation with your friends to confirm your reality. A counsellor also may be able to help you. Don’t stay stuck in the situation on your own. The traitors was a game – our lives are much more fragile and important.

17/10/2025

Rom Cons: Loosing The Money For The Connection
Sadly this week we learnt that Victims of romance fraud were tricked out of £106m in past year.

Action Fraud, which published the figures, said it can have a serious impact on victims, "not just financially but emotionally, socially and even physically".

But how does this happen ? Romance scams are often fraudulent schemes where a scammer creates a fake online profile to gain a person's trust and affection, then manipulates them for financial gain. Red flags include poor grammar, an inability to meet or video call in person, a story that changes, and requests for money for emergencies or travel. To
Signs of a romance scam
Avoids meeting or video calls: They consistently cancel in-person meetings or refuse to video chat.
Suspicious profile: They use professional or blurry photos, have very little personal information, and few connections on social media.
Inconsistent stories: Their story changes over time or doesn't add up, and they may have poor grammar and spelling despite claiming to be highly educated.
Love bombing: They use excessive flattery and declarations of love very early in the relationship to build trust quickly.
Asks for money: They invent emergencies, illnesses, or travel issues to solicit funds. They may also ask you to accept money into your account and then transfer it elsewhere, or to send money via gift cards.

One victim told BBC Radio London news “You see all the signs, but you are so emotionally attached. You are willing to lose the money, but you are not willing to lose the connection”

There are lots of ways you can practically protect yourself including:
Never send money: Do not send money, gift cards, or personal information to anyone you've only met online, especially if they've never met you in person.
Do your research: Do a reverse image search on their profile pictures to see if they are being used elsewhere. Look up the person's details to see if they are consistent.
Stay on the platform: Be wary if they try to move your conversation to a different platform like email, text, or another messaging app. This helps keep conversations public and reportable.
Protect personal information: Be careful about sharing too many personal details online.
Trust your instincts: If something feels wrong, it probably is. Avoid engaging with someone who makes you feel pressured to act immediately or secretly.

Also importantly:
Listen to your friends. If you are striking up a relationship with someone on line – keep in close touch with your friends. And importantly be open to everything your friends have to say even if you don't like it. They could be helping you save not only personal heartbreak but heartbreak.
(Source: BBC News 17th October 2025 https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/c24l5301gg8o)

10/10/2025

ARE YOU OPEN TO A “SWAG GAP” RELATIONSHIP?
The "swag gap" refers to the noticeable disparity in style, confidence, and cultural flair between individuals or groups—often highlighting differences in self-expression, fashion, or charisma. It can manifest in various settings, from workplace dynamics to social circles, where some people effortlessly exude a sense of coolness or trend-savvy presence, while others may appear more reserved or conventional. The term is often used playfully or critically to explore how identity, socioeconomic background, or access to cultural capital influences one's ability to project "swag." Whether in streetwear, tech culture, or pop music, the swag gap can spark conversations about authenticity, privilege, and the evolving standards of what it means to be stylish or influential.

One of the most prominent examples is a contrast between Justin Bieber and his wife Hailey.

Dating coach Vicki Pavitt suggests swag gaps might lead to conflicts as partners want to feel "proud standing beside each other". If one isn't putting as much effort in, "it can feel like they're disrespecting the relationship", she says.

But it could just be that they're simply not as fashion-conscious - despite their best intentions.
The issue with a swag gap, according to TikToker Isabella Duffy, is if the partner with less swag feels left behind or insecure. That can cause jealousy and resentment, she suggests.

She's experienced this disconnect herself, she says, as a social media content creator. Partners were unable to handle the "attention, praise or just interesting opportunities" that would come her way.
Being a female breadwinner can cause this swag gap too, Isabella adds.

"The only way the swag gap wouldn't be problematic was if the partner with less swag was a cheerleader for their partner and proud of them rather than emasculated or resentful."
Ultimately, she is convinced that the key to a happy relationship is to have the same level of swag - to be on the "same energy plane and see each other as co-conspirers rather than competitors".
So what does dress sense and looks mean to you? Is it important that your partner has the same level of taste and style – or can you look past the outer “scruffiness” to embrace the person within?
(Source BBC News 6th October 2025 www.bbc.co.uk/news/articles/cr4qp4nlppko)

03/10/2025

Its all about Taylor's new album today! Lets hear her advice on how she chose her hubby to be - from the Independent

26/09/2025

“Can We Really Find Love On Dating Apps….Yes Its Possible!”
Excellent article in “The Guardian” this week on “How to find love on the dating apps – whatever the obstacles”
Here is some advice from two people who have successfully used apps and found a partner:
Liz advises “If you meet someone you have a connection with, delete the apps and give that person your full attention – you aren’t on a dating show!” she says. “After the first date, I knew I really liked him, and I thought: ‘I need to focus on one person at a time.’ You can always go back to the apps later if it doesn’t work out.”
She also found that not everyone she had swiped right on – to indicate that she was interested – would look at the app every day: “So you get this delayed response with matches. I found the constant pings on my phone really distracting – too many people, too many conversations.”
It can be tempting to keep your options open, and speaking to multiple matches is generally deemed acceptable in the early stages of dating. But Liz and her partner deleted Bumble within a week of meeting and found that prioritising one person was a better way to get to know one another.
Another way to avoid the so-called paradox of choice is to intentionally narrow your dating pool. Joseph, 42, from Liverpool, is an advocate for finding your niche: he met his partner after just a couple of months of using vegan and vegetarian dating app Grazer. They got engaged 10 months later, and have now been married for six years. They also have two (vegan) children together.
Another good piece of advice from Couples therapist and dating coach Shan Merchant, is around protecting our mental health when using apps:
“Keep your energy up and only use apps when you’re feeling good – if you’re feeling tired or stressed, or hungover or low, I wouldn’t recommend going on a dating app, because that’s going to be the filter through which you see people,” she says. “A lot of people struggle to keep a positive attitude when dating – but I think that’s the biggest thing when it comes to dating app success.”

To read the full article here’s the link:
www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2025/sep/25/people-say-i-come-across-as-incredibly-boring-how-to-find-love-on-the-dating-apps-whatever-the-obstacles

Sick of swiping and messaging but never meeting anyone you like and who likes you back? Here’s what worked for some lucky couples

12/09/2025

Prince Harry And Family Reconciliations
This week we heard that Prince Harry had a “reconciliation” meeting with his Dad King Charles. So how is that possible after the very public bust up? What do you need to be in place to reconcile with a family member or friend when the relationship has so badly gone wrong.

Here’s some issues to consider:

Firstly and importantly if you have experienced abuse or violence at the hands of a family member do not go back into that situation without the support of others. Do not do anything that puts your safety at risk.

Presuming that you are not in danger by reaching out:

Focus on the present and future, not the past, by accepting your part in the conflict, communicating honestly but kindly, and practicing active listening to understand the other person's perspective.

Set clear, manageable goals, and establish boundaries for future interactions, prioritizing mutual respect and a willingness to let go of the need to be right.

Be patient and persistent, as reconciliation is a journey that may involve creating new experiences and building a different kind of relationship.

Remember that for most people the biggest prediction of the future (without an intervention -for example attending counselling) is the past. You may have changed but they may well have not.

Be prepared for the possibility of imperfect resolution.
If you are facing a difficult family situation we may be able to offer you help email us at rebecca@takeactioncounselling.co.uk

29/08/2025

Taylor And Travis – A Huge Rock And A Huge Step…….
Taylor has only got engaged!! That diamond could probably sort out quite a lot of problems for many of us – but in the meantime – back to Taylor and Travis - what should they expect as they enter this new period of their relationship as they go from dating to engagement.

Prioritize Communication
Communication is the foundation of any healthy relationship. It’s especially important during the engagement period. Amidst the pressure to plan the perfect wedding, make time to discuss your expectations, fears, and goals.

Embrace Compromise
Marriage requires compromise, so it’s important to learn how to find common ground with your partner. Practice finding solutions that work for both of you, even if it means giving up some of your own preferences..

Build A Strong Support System
The early days of an engagement can feel like you’re the only two people in the world. Over time, though, it will become clear that marriage requires a strong support system. Make sure you have trusted friends and family members who can offer you emotional support and practical help when needed.

Seek Premarital Counselling
Premarital counselling is an excellent way to prepare for the challenges of marriage. A trained counsellor can help you identify potential areas of conflict and provide you with tools to strengthen your relationship. There’s no better way to invest in the longevity of your marriage than to create a couple’s toolkit full of skills you can turn to when the going gets tough.

Running alongside that of course – keep creating amazing music!!
(Based on ideas from an article “Navigating The Transition From Dating To Engagement” from azevedofamilypsychology.com)

22/08/2025

The Roses: A Desperate Couple – But Somehow Consoling To The Rest Of Us?
A New Film called “The Roses” based on the 1989 film “War of The Roses” comes out this week. The story centres on Theo and Ivy Rose, a couple who seem to have it all—successful careers, a loving marriage, and wonderful kids. But beneath the surface, tensions escalate as Ivy’s career takes off while Theo’s career crumbles, leading to jealousy, hidden resentments, and ultimately, a destructive divorce battle….perhaps learning some communication skills and conflict resolution strategies could have helped them out a little….but why do we love watching other couples argue so much? Is it so we feel a little bit better about our own relationship which although struggling may not have reached these depths…. .interesting to consider……