20/12/2025
💫🌲 The photo of xmas past 💫🌲
Me sat at soft play the week before Christmas, a newborn in my arms, a 12-month-old needing everything, and a face that says what I couldn’t put into words at the time.(apologoes for dodgy video skills)
I look at her! And she looks lost.
But also holding it all together so well.
Because that’s what was expected.
What you can’t see is the wider picture — a son just transitioning into secondary school, a husband more than likely working away, and Christmas building around us. Noise, colour, life happening… while inside I felt completely stuck.
From the outside, I was coping.
Inside, I was in a rut. A constant cycle. Surviving, not living. I wasn’t letting joy in — not because I didn’t want it, but because I didn’t know how.💛
That Christmas marked something, even though I didn’t realise it then. It would take another 2 years — 2 years where life also became surrounded by grief — for me to truly recognise what needed to change. The weight of motherhood, loss, expectation, and holding it all together eventually cracked something open.
And that combination led me here.
Onto this path of breathwork, sound, and learning how to breathe again — not just to survive, but to feel.
When I look at this photo now, I feel sad, but i don’t see failure or weakness. I see a woman doing her absolute best with the tools she had. A woman one breath away from a different way of being.
If Christmas feels heavy for you — if you’re showing up, smiling, doing “the things” while quietly drowning — please know this: you’re not broken, and you’re not the only one.
Sometimes the journey back to yourself begins quietly…
right in the middle of holding everyone else together 🤍 and roll on these years later & the glimmers are back! A little older, not so much wiser 🫣 but JOY is creeping back in x
If you need ANYTHING this Christmas reach out. You are not alone 💛💛💛
