02/02/2026
I get asked 'how can I help my child stop picking/pulling/biting?' a lot.
And I know that those asking love their children, want the best for them, and have genuine, legitimate concerns about the impact of BFRBs.
Importantly, I'm not a treatment professional; my advice comes from my own experience (both as someone who was parented and as a parent myself) and from our research.
The bottom line is that it is much worse for a child to acquire chronic shame than to have bald patches or lesions. Our research has shown that shame mediates the relationship between hair-pulling and depression/anxiety AND that parents can inadvertently exacerbate feelings of shame - despite that being the last thing they want to do. I think shame also fuels BFRBs by keeping us in distress and maintaining the need for self-soothing.
I suggest considering an alternative question: 'How do I protect my child from chronic shame?'.
Please please please don't worry if reading this makes you reflect on how you've been parenting so far. The fact that you're here, getting informed and looking for answers means you're one of the good ones! We can't teach what we don't know, and it's not your fault that there is so little good information about BFRBs available.
As always please drop a comment or DM if you disagree or have anything to add. I like hearing from you!
