12/02/2026
Were you ever 'the loyal one'?
For years, I wore loyalty like a badge of honour.
When colleagues left the workplace, I was the one who reached out, even sending Christmas cards years later with no reply. When I left workplaces, even when I knew it was the right decision for me, I carried a quiet sadness about what I was losing. In fact, I'll be honest, there's still times that I'll pine for people and places that have gone before.
'Let’s speak soon', we’d say. 'Let's keep in touch'.
And despite best efforts we didn’t and then I’d wonder if I hadn’t tried hard enough. What else was I to do?
Had I left too soon?
Had I not mattered enough?
Did the ending mean I’d failed in some way?
I bang on about connections like they're going out of flavour, but they're so important. Well, they are to me.
On the surface, it looked like commitment - I'll be here and I'm dedicated to keeping this connection going, but underneath, it was something else. Somewhere along the way, I’d absorbed the idea that if a relationship didn’t last, it reflected on me. That loyalty meant maintaining each and every connection, even if I was the only one holding the thread.
When I worked in schools in pastoral roles (and actually in youth clubs too), I saw this pattern play out all the time.
Friendships would break down, groups would shift, and best friends would suddenly become strangers, and the question the children asked, almost every time?
'What did I do wrong?'
They weren’t just grieving the friendship. They were questioning their worth.
Here's an uncomfortable truth...As adults, we’re often doing the same thing, just more quietly. We tell ourselves we’re being loyal, but sometimes we’re actually trying to avoid the feeling that we weren’t enough to make someone stay.
But you know, not all relationships are meant to last forever. Some are built on proximity, some belong to a particular season, some end because we’ve grown and they simpler no longer serve us as they once did.
If I was called on to deal with a 'friendship issue' the aim wasn't to make people be friends again because that was putting our bias on what should happen, and that friendship might not want or need to be there, but we usually looked for some civility at least and that's OK.
Endings aren’t always failures. Sometimes they’re simply transitions.
Loyalty doesn't mean chasing, proving, or carrying a relationship alone. These things are two way if they're going to work, so loyalty is about you showing up fully, and allowing others to meet you there.
And if they don’t? You know what? That’s information, not a verdict on your worth.
Real confidence, whether you’re 12 or 112, isn’t about making everyone stay in your life. It’s about knowing you’re still enough when they don’t.
