Audhd Forward

08/11/2025

If you’re on Linked in I’ve just published an article - a deeper dive into today’s earlier post. Here’s the link for anyone who’s interested as it’s too long to post about here

https://www.linkedin.com/pulse/creating-space-feel-marie-helen-herbert-asmye

08/11/2025

If you’re on Linked in I’ve just published an article - a deeper dive into today’s earlier post. Here’s the link for anyone who’s interested :

Yesterday I tried to explain how sometimes I don’t understand what it is I’m feeling. Mostly it's to do with interaction with others when it's just me in nature, in flow, with my thoughts without interference I feel tuned in.

08/11/2025

Yesterday I tried to explain how sometimes (most times when it’s to do with relationships and uncomfortable feelings) I don’t understand what it is I’m feeling. That it can take me months and even years to understand why I’ve responded to a certain situation the way I have.

Part of me wonders if we’re all like that really but mostly we just allocate an emotional label and carry on regardless. Though I know that to be my neurodivergent take on a neurotypical world.

But I’m learning to give myself space with unknown feelings mostly uncomfortable ones and to be curious about them.

To notice my body’s reaction and apply what I know that means - tight chest - anxiety, light headed - confusion, sickness - something is wrong, cold shivers - very emotionally unsafe.

Then to be open to what memories or thought are coming in and how it might all relate…

It might sound unnecessary- it might sound like I’m ruminating - but I’ve found to my cost if I don’t go through this process I make mistakes, I abandon myself. The panic attacks, the overwhelming tears, the functional freeze state- it’s amazing how your mind can choose to ignore what your body is telling you and instead allocate a label or rationalised view as a way of shutting it down - until the next time.

The trigger for the post was reflecting on emotional literacy in schools and the focus is so often language based.

And it occurred to me how superficial this could be.

And the risk that this is teaching masking, conformity, meeting the needs of someone else: Label your feeling so I can think I understand you and you understand yourself. It’s a near solution. But in that act you may be denying the individual the chance to understand themselves more fully.

The most empowering thing for me and most supportive thing is for someone to say I understand you don’t understand how you feel and that’s ok. I’m listening.

With a child it might be to encourage them to do a body scan and to notice. Not with pressure to reach a conclusion but just to notice. And maybe revisit that another time when an additional perspective or more layers of thought, memories, understanding can be applied.

None of this is rooted in science - only lived experience - my experience of Alexithymia and my growing awareness - which no one can argue against is that not only is it ok for you to not understand someone else’s experience, but it’s also ok for them to not understand themselves.

And be aware of trying to fix the moment, the discomfort for ourselves as much as the other person,be aware of what we’re trying to do, for whom and be curious about the why.

I always say you don’t have to understand someone else’s experience, their inner world but you can still be open to someone else’s truth its existence - even when it makes no sense to you - you can still respect and be open to its existence. What a gift.

07/11/2025

I’ve just seen a post widely shared about using this emotional wheel with children.

As a former senco, therapeutic practitioner, specialist teacher I’ve used this wheel in the past… it’s the kind of EHCP aim I would have written - ‘to be able to name emotions’.

I loved the richness of the labels. Ironically it probably appealed to my autistic longing for order and systems amongst the whirlwind of my ADHD life experience.

How we I now have a different understanding which I’ve reached through my own increased self awareness. For those children who experience alexithymia - labels and the pressure to name a feeling can be a red herring , a distraction and maybe even a tool to mask, be acceptable, to fit in.

As an autistic adult it can take me hours, days, weeks, even months to understand my emotional response to any given situation. Trying to conjur up a name for my emotional state when I don’t understand myself can feel uncomfortable , meaningless, it could even make me think I’ve reached an understanding which isn’t real. It could play into people pleasing, masking and cut me off from really bringing time and attention to what signals, memories, thoughts are coming up for me.

I never knew or understood this about myself until I was 53 -and I spent 30 years working with children on emotional literacy.

Knowing that you don’t know however is a gift as strange as that may seem. I get that for done people that idea couldn’t make sense but you’re forgetting this is my reality and to own it is liberating.

At least that’s how it feels for me because it releases the pressure to choose my emotion. Think of it like choosing which queue to join at a checkout. It really can be that random.

Instead I focus on what my body is telling me and I’m curious about that. I explore it. And to help me I focus more on body work, informed somatic work as a daily routine to help me connect more with this source of knowledge and wisdom I hold within me.

My hope in sharing is to educate and to open up thinking- there’s such a ‘need’ to fix when actually helping someone embrace what is and to let them know that time and space is there for them- I think this could be so much more powerful.

06/11/2025

Watching the BBC morning news interview about waiting lists for ADHD.

It is a nightmare for all the reasons discussed however I want to highlight one particular point.

For teens sitting exams - exam access arrangements and an inclusion plan can be put in place without a diagnosis by school. For that to happen however there needs to be an understanding about masking and the internal processes involved in the neurodivergent experience.

In an ideal world training would help with this but actually in a utopian world judgement about the internal world of another human being wouldn’t happen without respect, openess, curiosity and parents and teens would feel able to share their experiences and know they will be heard.

I understand the pressures, limitations and restrictions of the education system funnels swift judgements still informed by misinformation and fear even and an unrealistic, unexpressed underlying assumption that teachers should be experts in everything.

That openess however is where the real education happens - on an individual level but it takes time, it needs a safe relationship and space for a young person to open up and also young people need to be aware that the way they experience the world may not be ‘typical’. Which is hard because you only know what you know. That’s such a big thing that so many people just don’t get.

And it needs to be a person centred approach towards neurodivergence because let’s face it ADHD is very unlikely to exist in isolation is unique to each individual. There is no tick box list, blanket rules to follow if real impact is the intended outcome.

I’m here and there are many of us in this space for anyone who wants a conversation, lived experience insight. In my case as a former undiagnosed teacher and senco who dedicated 20 + years in schools trying to make a difference and am now trying to do the same from the outside.

05/11/2025

Dear little Marie

It’s ok that they don’t understand you.

The words they use to describe you are because they don’t understand the depth of your soul and your mind.

They don’t understand how confusing the world can be and the effort it takes to do the things everyone else finds easy.

I know it doesn’t make sense when so many things they find hard come so easy to you.

The thing is you don’t need to try and make them understand, not yet, that will come in time…. And trust me, really, look into my eyes when I tell you, you don’t need to pretend.

I know I can't make you understand because pretending is your normal. But one day your body and your mind will force you to begin to understand because the effort of pretending will feel too much.

You will feel so tired with this pretend world you’ve created around you and it will all start to crumble.

But there is something different waiting for you; a new reality.

I promise this isn’t what 'living life' really means although that’s hard for you to understand now, I know one day you will.

One day you will find out that not everyone else around you feels the way you do.

Everyone else doesn't feel like they are on the outside of everything, looking in, even when they’re surrounded by friends.

Everyone else doesn't feel they are constantly on guard without really knowing what it is they fear.

And not everyone is meant for you and that’s ok too.

I know that won’t make much sense to you yet but you don’t need to give space in your life for people who make you feel sad and uncomfortable and anxious. This will be one of your biggest lessons.

More than anything, I wish I could help you see that the lonliness you feel, that cut off feeling, will never go away until you can be your own best friend. I wish I could help you let go of wanting to be such a good girl all the time.

It really, it’s still ok to tell people how you feel because you are just a little girl, you don't have to carry it all inside you.

Try to stay true to yourself, it will save your heart in the long run.

You know what’s right and good for you better than anyone and finding ways to fix and find happiness for yourself outside of you, is dangerous. Dangerous to your heart, body, mind and spirit, I wish I could reach out and make you understand that; save you from so much pain.

But the good news is you survive, you grow and you flourish and your wounds and scars help you to help others.

I can’t stop you from hurting right now but eventually together we will help others to heal from, deal with and maybe even avoid some of that pain.

You are a beautiful soul and that’s your gift- no one can ever take it away from you.

It will survive everything.

I am sending this message knowing it will fall on deaf ears … because the only way you learn is through your own experience and we’ve never liked being told what to do. But I’m sending it anyway wrapped up in all my love and with a sorry it’s taken this long to reach you.

You do you for now.

You have the strength you need and I’m here waiting.

All my love - at last,
Marie

04/11/2025

The idea of the prospect of posting this achievement as a Devine Guidance Energy facilitator on LinkedIn was a no go for a long time. But it’s the thing I’ve just gone and done.

Because I’m proud of myself for trusting in myself and for all the abilities and gifts I have allowed in to my world now.

And because I sense there’s a shift towards greater acceptance of energy healing and spiritual modalities and there’s a shift in me in embracing this important experience in my journey.

The evidence for me supporting this particular modality is in the shifts I’ve experienced, the steps I’ve taken towards a more open heart and connection with myself and all that is around me.

I’ve always thought of this modality as an ‘interactive guided meditation’ which suited my busy brain because it brings in breath work, body work, inner child work and energy healing all in the gentlest of ways, never forcing anything, only delivering what it is in alignment with your higher self in that moment. This is a person centred modality - the gifts and shifts and answers all come from inside you. Sometimes it’s just about being able to stop and listen to ourselves in an holistic way and this modality provides that space.

That’s what I love about Divine Guidance Energy Alignment … the gift of that next step, that shift in feeling or perspective is whatever it means for you in alignment with your higher self.

It’s so much more than a meditation and this was so the right time for me bringing together my channelling, reiki energy healing together with this gentle yet powerful modality… coaching, breathwork, body scanning, meditation, affirmations, noticing to your heart and your body it has it all.

So appreciative of Dawn Stacey Wedge for seeing me and giving me the space and opportunity to approach this in my own way.

Feeling excited and ready to be offering this on a 1-1 and group basis, in person and online, very soon 🫶

04/11/2025

Sometimes the smallest things make the biggest difference. These tiny moments of reconnection remind your nervous system that you’re safe, you belong, and you’re allowed to rest. 🌿

30/10/2025

I sometimes invite clients to imagine they’re advocating for their younger selves the version who didn’t yet have the words, confidence, or safety to speak up.

What would you say to your younger self today?

What do they most need to hear from you right now?

Share it below or write it somewhere private, it’s a simple, powerful way to build self-trust and compassion from the inside out. 🌿

30/10/2025

Yep cheesecake at 11am …

I have so much I want to do and despite waking up at a decent time and not stopping, I’ve done none of the things on my to do list and time seems to have slipped through my fingers.

I have been working just not the work I’d planned to do… reactive work and jobs I’d put off but suddenly seem urgent and for me it’s the worst kind of work … admin, planning, timings, logistics, trying to be careful with money … the stuff my head struggles with, but I know could take someone else minutes rather than hours. That’s just how it is.

I feel light headed… and though I’m reaching for sugar I’m doing so consciously - I could go for a walk - the healthier but I want to get to my laptop and this feels the quickest route right now. And hey blueberries are meant to help concentration.

At the back of my mind I’m thinking this could be a good thing… procrastination will probably be kicked out of touch today - I’m actually itching to get on with my planned work. I feel a bout of hyper focus coming in and I’m going to make the must of it.

Whilst potentially proving my theory that hyperfocus may well be a stress response than something as positive as we like to think …

So here’s to doing what you need to do - consciously, with permission and without beating yourself (myself) up. I’m sharing not because I’m in a state of any distress, but with awareness that not do long ago this scenario would have sent me spiralling and the self talk running through my head would have been full of negativity and criticism. This time yes there is a sense of frustration but also acceptance and belief I’ll pull things back.

Next time - tomorrow- I will make sure I move before I work. Everyday is a lesson 🙏

Only sharing incase someone else benefits from hearing any of that. It’s ok to find things hard, it’s ok to go off track, it’s ok to indulge yourself, it’s ok to have to regroup and start again … daily… it’s ok to be you.

And gratitude for those who are there to help me and have my back - thank you 🙏 - you make it easier xx

28/10/2025

Permission to feel deeply … whatever the occasion, the reason, the place, the person …. Is one of the gifts my autism diagnosis has given me.

Pretty much 12 months since I accepted this label after about 4 years resisting… maybe even fighting it.

You don’t need a label just the insight to understand and accept yourself… strength even.

But I did.

It’s been such an important stage in me becoming me. More me than ever.

And I hope that journey will continue.

Because no longer being embarrassed or shamed by how you are is such a gift.

And some days I feel I’ve come full circle - I don’t feel I need to shout about being autistic anymore but I use the label in part to help others, in part because I’m proud of who I am, in part to honour the child I was.

There’s no shame in being different.

There’s no shame in being you.

🫶

27/10/2025

There’s no formula. No script. No pressure to show up as anything other than who you are right now.

Every session looks a little different, because you’re different every time you show up and that’s the point.

Some days we dive deep into thoughts, feelings or experiences that feel heavy or unclear, gently unpacking what’s underneath. Other days, we might get practical, send that email you’ve been avoiding, get a few things organised, or make a plan that feels kind and realistic.

You’re always in the driving seat. I’ll hold the space, ask the questions, help you hear your own wisdom more clearly.

Sometimes we talk about the nervous system, what safety feels like in your body, and how to listen when it’s saying “enough,” strategies to tone your vagus nerve. Other times, it’s about self-compassion, boundaries, and remembering your worth. And if it’s aligned to your energy and mine cards may be pulled, healing reiki energy sent.

Something I’m learning to embrace, celebrate and share in my journey, in my coaching and how I work with clients, is the variety in tools, knowledge and sources of energy we can share.

If you’ve been curious about what coaching could look like for you, I offer a free 30-minute introductory call,a gentle chat to see if it feels like the right fit.

Online sessions with a few in person sessions available- weekdays through the week and Tues and Wednesday evenings.

💬 You can book via the link in my bio or send me a DM we’ll take it from there.